12-5 -- Mood Changes

Last Saturday, I headed out to the drug store for an errand. I had picked up a prescription a while back and just put it in the drawer until I finished the open bottle. When I check on the weekend, it was clear that the number of pills in the new bottle was far from the number on the label -- less than half the number. Thankfully, inventories are electronically managed these days, so finding the correct transaction took little time. Three bottles were involved in the counting of pills -- one full bottle and two partial bottles. The full bottle had been scanned out of inventory and then the remaining pills were counted out of the two partial bottles. For some reason though, the full bottle was returned to the drug cupboard. I was able to walk out of the place in short order with all that had been prescribed. The interaction involved apologies but the tone was kept upbeat. After all, it was the correct med with the right instructions. 

I chose to go up to the bakery before heading home.  Along the way, my mood changed in a nanosecond. It was a gorgeous warm and sunny day. At a light I encountered a couple of bikers heading in the opposite direction. Around the corner I came upon another older fellow on an older Harley. I was already in tears after seeing the first ones. This one hurt even more. It brought back the memory of my younger brother who died last November. He would have enjoyed a ride on that glorious day -- just like the others I saw in town. 

A song fit my feelings -- all the mixed emotions of grief that built upon the sadness I initially felt. The artist began her career singing country songs in rural biker bars. She also has full sleeve tats. Those two  facts only added to the meaning of the lyrics for me. Keep safe. Enjoy! 

Stone -- Ashley Mcbryde

12-3 -- Renewal

For many years, this blog has contained my story -- sharing my thoughts and experiences on a daily basis. My goal is to continue sharing my journey. The focus will be on encounters with what I will call Sneaky Little Bastards -- SLB's for short. Some blogs may be intense and potentially triggering for readers. I've hesitated to write publicly about intense emotions and personal losses, but I've come to believe that sharing my experiences has been helpful to me -- and maybe to a few others -- all along, so continuing with major life changes and learnings as I've navigated less traveled roads and many liminal spaces seems to be central to my emotional healing. Seeing the many sides of an emotional response to life's unexpected happenings helps me to process the experiences. Progress requires processing and processing is in the writing. Writing has been my way of moving forward. It is central to expressing my thoughts and feelings and freeing my creativity. So, it is time to just do it. <smile>

The song that began the blog still speaks to me in many ways. On a recent listen, I found myself saying "Yes" that is what this is all about -- "I must be searching for something -- something sacred I lost". That line holds so much in just a few words. Another line goes further than feeling loss and enters into emotions of anger and unfairness -- "I've been searching for something taken out of my soul; something I'd never lose; something somebody stole." So, buckle up. The journey may not be linear but rather something that jumps around the timeline. We will see how it unfolds. <smile> Keep safe. Enjoy! 

River of Dreams -- Billy Joel

12-4 -- Hope Garden

The past two weeks have reminded me of a day spent with my dearest friend. Last September we planted fall bulbs around the perennial shrubs at the front of the house. I thought of these bulbs as a metaphor for hope -- a garden of hope. That added some positiveness and anticipation for the end of winter -- our least favourite season. The crocuses bloomed before anything else began to green up in the shrubs. This week the shrubs have leaves and the tulips have begun to bloom. The pale lilac variety showed first. The deep purple buds are ready to burst forth soon. When I look out the front window or leave or return to the house, the flowers make me smile. Seeing the result of our plans for a spring flowering garden helps me see the good all around me. 

The night we planted the bulbs had a full moon. The brightness of the moonlight just after midnight was amazing. It made me think the patio light had been left on. The moonlight lit the patio and the living room. It was a lovely bright night. A full moon appeared out the windows this past week, too. While not as large as the autumn moon, this spring moon also lit the patio and inside the house. Things had come full circle. 

The flowers brought with them some wonderful positive feelings, turning my mood to a happier place. The first chorus of the song shared here reminds me of why we planted these bulbs. I plan to add more to the mix for next year and hope to hang onto the feelings through the difficult days we all encounter. Keep safe. Enjoy!   

Hello World -- Lady Antebellum