Day 5 - 31 -- Talk for Action

Let's Talk. That is the motto for today, the seventh year of the Bell Let's Talk Day. The goal is to focus on conversations about mental health -- to build that critical mass socially that can effect change in norms and mores. Things are changing. I find conversations on campus occur more often than a decade ago and have moved to planning actions. Many students and faculty members are trained in mental health first aid -- how to recognize the signs and symptoms and find ways to direct people to the support systems they may need. Everyone knows how to get themselves to a physician, but fewer understand where to go for assistance when the issue is depression, anxiety, panic, or the many other signs that something is not working right with brain chemistry. Surveys of campuses across Canada show that students are presenting more often for such services, so much so that the systems have become overwhelmed. While plans are in place to expand services, it takes time and money to do so. The number seeking assistance is, to me, a clear sign that we are talking and stigma is reducing just a bit.

My dream to live to see a world where all we need to talk about is health. Until then, we need to continue to name the issue -- hence, mental health. Once we name it and bring it out of the dark spaces in attics where it has hidden, we can begin to see it for what it is -- and more importantly for what it isn't. Naming it and bringing it into public discourse takes away the myth and misunderstanding. It presents facts to counter fears and opinion. Without that, we can't move to the next step of making systemic changes for services to be available as needed -- not 2 weeks from Tuesday, but now. Some institutions and industry are making changes to employee benefit packages so change is arriving. So -- once we understand that it is just a physiological and biochemical illness like other illnesses, presenting with a need at a health office will be easier to do; it can reduce the fear of judgement -- that stigma of the unknown disease processes currently carry -- that asking for help when one is not visibly bleeding does not make one weak. Imagine that day.

I tossed around a few songs for today and finally settled on one that fits well with the theme of the day -- talking and supporting each other in being as healthy as we can be. Many covers have been made since the original. I've chosen a more recent one to share here today. Love this voice. Enjoy!

Stand By Me  -- Seal

Day 5 - 30 -- Decisions

Snow Day!  This can provide time to catch up on things while at the same time putting other things behind schedule. I missed a lecture and a lab today. The former can be managed with some finagling; the latter is a bit trickier. I did build in some wiggle room for such an eventuality, but it will mean being out of sync with the other lab sections. I'll discuss this with the other lab instructors and see what might work best. The storm brought snow and some wind. Shoveling went well as it was fine, lighter snow. As the afternoon wore on, though, freezing rain and ice pellet warning abounded. I'm glad I was able to shovel the pathways before that began. It can saturate snow gluing it to the ground beneath and form thick ice layers on top of the snow making it difficult to break through to move. Being inside looking out on days like this works best for me. Much paper work and grading helped keep me suitably occupied -- all done to the tune of heavy equipment moving snow, the occasional chain saw for what I can only imagine are downed branches, and lots of back up beepers.

Interestingly, regardless of the decision to remain open or close for a storm, people will find fault. I often hear, "oh, it wasn't that bad" when a close decision is made. Yet, there are just as many wondering why when the decision to remain open is made. Roads can be slippery and icy and visibility obscured in some areas and not in others. Storm lines wobble and move changing the amount and type of precipitation. I would not want to be the one making that decision. Knowing that some people will be vocal no matter what happens must make the process more frustrating. Armchair quarterbacking comes from an odd place, it seems. Rather than second guessing with such blustery bravado, it would be great if we could just accept the day for what it is and make the best of it. For some people, though, learning to live in the grey zone -- not the simple dichotomy of black and white, right or wrong -- can be impossible. I hope to be able to breathe and walk away from such conversations this week. <smile>

A song line came to mind while thinking of potential reactions to the weather. The singer and song are legendary. I've shared the original version for the quality of that younger voice. Enjoy!

Respect -- Aretha Franklin

Day 5 - 29 -- A New Week

It was a Monday <smile>. Actually things went fairly well. A few hiccoughs occurred in one area that I hope get ironed out as the term progresses. I chose to get groceries after work today since I was waiting on the repair person yesterday. There is a nor'easter heading our way into this  evening and the overnight, so I expected the store to be a zoo. I was pleasantly surprised. While busy, it was not a madhouse. I did get there by 4 PM and out before 5 PM so the place may have filled up once the after work shoppers arrived. Most things I wanted were on the shelves with one exception -- oatmeal. It was on sale, so I was able to get a rain cheque for my next trip. On the way home from the grocery store, I stopped at the small local bakery for muffins. Here, the shelves were almost bare. Obviously, folks needed bread and sweet rolls in their storm prep bag <smile>.

The beginning of the work week always seems overwhelming. With two whole days since seeing coworkers and instructors and such, there is always a flood of questions and new things to add to the task list for the week -- or the day. I have an 8:15 class on Mondays, so get up much earlier than on other days. My the time I get home I'm very tired. Getting up and finishing dishes, washing my hair grading, and packing lunch for the next day seem insurmountable tasks. Once I get moving again, things do get done. Preparing for a possible snow day adds to the lack of enthusiasm to do some things. Its like a gamble of sorts -- convincing myself to do things now just in case campus is open the next day.

The song that suits the day is from a '60s group. The lyrics note the good and not so good that come from the day that sets up the activities for the week. The harmonies in this version are a delight -- make me relax despite the rest of the 'stuff'. Enjoy!

Monday, Monday -- The Mamas and The Papas

Day 5 - 28 -- Day of Repairs

It has been a productive day of sorts. I got through a major pile of grading, but still have several items for deadline by Wed -- one pretty much done and two that need some writing time to complete. Outside my windows it was warm today with above freezing temperatures. It will be cooler tomorrow ahead of the next storm, which should deposit more snow in greater amounts than are easily shoveled. We'll see what forecasters have to say about it all tomorrow. I also managed to find a work around for the washer so the final load might be able to be washed after all. The repair person for the TV receiver and pvr came by late this afternoon. He had a new receiver, but it meant creating difficulties with my dvd players -- and yes, I still watch dvds and use them in research work <smile>.  So, he tried something the fellow on the phone could have done, but didn't to reboot the wireless connector. Happily that worked. Otherwise I'd have lost all the series and movies stuff recorded on the pvr -- many of my favourite episodes that can be viewed many times when I need something to calm my mind. In between all this activity I made a big pot of stew with dumplings so there are meals for the freezer to add to the variety there. All in all a reasonably good day.

I will admit to feeling out of sync -- much like the wireless connector and the pvr <smile>. Listening to TV in the background while I work helps for some reason. Not being able to watch the recorded items over the weekend felt wrong -- like someone told me I couldn't watch TV as some sort of punishment. Odd. Even if I didn't watch the shows it would have been of my own accord not some electronic device dictating my activity limits. Interesting that it should affect me so much. Perhaps I'm more a creature of habit than I care to admit. Hmmm.

A song came to mind when dealing with fixing the 'broken' things today. It is in heavy play on my iPod. The young singer-songwriter is very poetic with lyrics and this melody brings the feelings of angst to the fore. The phrasing for the singing is unique with a single word at the end of a phrase and the beginning of the next -- very innovative. It is a powerful song. Enjoy!

Broken -- Jake Bugg

Day 5 - 27 -- Pondering Karma

The day began with sunshine on the kitchen floor -- beautiful. The temperature rose closer to freezing during the day and is to be warmer tomorrow. Some form of weather melee is headed this way for early in the week -- how much and what type of precipitation is still unclear -- but, something will fall from the sky.

The work on the major admin forms seems to be completed after much grinding and gnashing of teeth. That is the major accomplishment of the day. Machines seem to be opposing my will today. The washing machine stopped in mid-spin on the final rinse cycle. This, after completing two loads without issues. Fishing clothing and a large sheet out of the water and then trying to wring the water from these items was challenging. I'll have to call the landlord tomorrow to see when a repair person might be able to check on this and let me clean things. A few remaining clothing items can be washed by hand in the sink, so that is on tap for tomorrow. On another note, when I went to check the weather just after getting up this morning, there was no picture showing on the television screen -- just a big logo of the service we pay to put the picture there. A phone call to report the difficulty determined that there was no signal from the modem getting to the receiver -- the receiver wasn't receiving. Tomorrow is the earliest they could book a repair visit. Not sure when, but apparently we will get a call telling us when they might arrive during the day. The other television is able to show what is playing at the moment, but that pvr seems not to work. So much for my weekend catch-up with the recorded programs and a couple of movies from the last week. <sigh>. I'm sure I'll manage, but this messes with my usual routine for relaxation. Hopefully, things can be fixed easily tomorrow and some things can get back to usual.

An historical note on my social media feed noted that 47 years ago today, Instant Karma was written, recorded, and mixed at Abbey Road Studios all in that single day -- one of the fastest released songs in history. It was available in stores within ten days. Now the title made me wonder if the mechanical failures were linked to some karmic debt I owe. Hmm.  Enjoy!

Instant Karma! -- John Lennon

Day 5 - 26 -- Surprise Ending

Friday was a day of mixed activities. Work continued on some admin forms for a major report. Completing the forms isn't as intuitive as we'd all hoped, but something will be completed by the end of the weekend. I attended a department meeting in the afternoon and then returned home to continue work on the forms until it was time to for supper -- a partial surprise dinner party for a friend's birthday. It was a fun evening with great food and conversation.

Surprises can be invigorating or disruptive. Today's were mainly of a positive nature. That leaves one with a smile and a happy memory to draw on at later points. The disruptive type leaves one feeling exasperated or disempowered, likely due to the unexpected nature of such experiences. Change and disruption of routine can be difficult to absorb. Those 'disruptions' in a more positive emotional vein might occur in parts of our lives where we feel more in control and secure. Or it could all come down to did we have enough sleep last night <smile>.

A song that came to mind is by a Canadian music icon. His music and poetic lyrics bring amazing stories and imagery to the mind of the listener. Enjoy!

Much to my Surprise -- Gordon Lightfoot

Day 5 - 25 - Today's History

History brings two people to celebrate today. The first has been discussed in this blog in previous years. Today is Robbie Burns Day -- a day to celebrate the prolific writing career of a Scottish poet and writer. I may have a wee dram to toast the man tonight. <smile>

Today is also the 136th birthday of Virginia Woolf -- a female author who was one of the first to use the stream of consciousness writing form. She was a modernist and an early feminist, who would have been a young adult during the time of women's suffrage in England. She also became a member of one of the major groups of intellectuals and artists of the early 20th century -- the Bloomsbury Group, which included Rupert Brook, Clive Bell, John Maynard Keynes, Leonard Woolf, Lytton Strachy and others. The members were mainly men -- something common at the time, yet Virginia Woolf fit well into the group of modernists, many of whom lived on the same block in the Bloomsbury district of London. While there for research work a few years ago, I spent time in Gordon Square walking and thinking of the many ideas that rose from that spot. If only the ground and houses could speak of what they had witnessed.

A quote of Woolf's that I like --

For masterpieces are not single solitary births; they are the outcome of many years thinking in common, of thinking by the body of the people, so that the experience of the mass is behind the single voice. 

In honour of Woolf's birthday, I share a song that was recorded about 25 years ago. The lyrics were inspired by a reading of her published diary. It uses imagery and lines from her writing and notes how the songwriter felt linked to this writer despite the many decades between them. Enjoy!

Virginia Woolf -- Indigo Girls

Day 5 - 24 -- Wind

Water running everywhere -- the temperatures rose overnight melting much of the snow and ice. Large piles of slush that were ice remained in my yard this evening as the temps are falling well below freezing. The sun was amazing. While walking across campus this afternoon the warmth of the sun was so unexpected. The light, melting, warmth and wind reminded me of a March day. That was surprising. We have a long way to go before spring changes arrive. After a great dinner out with friends this evening, the wind had strengthened and switched to a northerly blast from the warmer westerlies of the afternoon.

While feeling the wind on my face this afternoon, I began to think about wind. It can bring weather changes -- storms coming in and going out. It can be gentle or destructive. What I felt today reminded me of the Chinook winds that blow from the eastern side of the Rockies across the foothills into the western edge of the prairies. A warm wind termed 'snow eater'. That made me think of the names for winds around the world -- monsoon, mistral, sirocco, Santa Ana, Les Suetes, and zephyrs. Such cool sounding words for the movement of air. I found it interesting to realize the need for local names for similar events. Intriguing.

The only song that seemed to fit this well is from a musical. It just says it all today <smile>. Enjoy!

They Call the Winds Mariah -- Harve Presnell (Paint Your Wagon)

Day 5 - 23 -- Difficulty Planning

Shampoo. Rinse. Repeat. Seems the weather patterns have been echoing their favourite hits. Snow. Freezing rain. Ice Pellets, Rain. Flash freeze. Once is interesting. Twice is just plain irritating. The day began early with an appointment for the car. Snow began during the drive to the dealership. Accumulation wasn't huge -- about two inches. Then as the temperature approached freezing, the rain and icy stuff fell for a while. When I left the office after 7 PM, I was walking with a light drizzle. Temps were above freezing and were expected to fall to mid-minus-teens in the early overnight hours. But, current forecasts now predict temperatures will remain above freezing all day tomorrow and drop for Thursday.

Repeating patterns of weather such as this bring fatigue. Not knowing how much of different forms of precipitation will fall -- or when -- adds stress to daily plans. Do I drive or walk? What coat should I wear? What are the chances of slipping on the ice or will there be ice? It is like playing hide and seek with precipitation that changes without notice so you never know what you are looking for. It is a game that brings little joy to the player <smile>. As forecasts change hourly, one can be caught off guard or be prepared for something that doesn't transpire. The extra layer of complexity provided by such events adds to the weight carried around already. Finding a way to accept the ambiguity can be challenging for some people and inveterate plan makers. While I find comfort in uncertainty in some situations, weather is big -- holding power over planned activities. Learning to accept a greater degree of vagueness will take some work. If only the weather would cooperate <smile>

A song that represented the repetitive nature of recent weather settled into my mind this afternoon. The lyrics and rhythm embody the unrelenting feel that has been with me for a couple of weeks. It comes from the '60s, which explains the visuals in the video shared here. <smile>. Enjoy!

The Beat Goes On -- Sonny and Cher

Day 5 - 22 -- On the Horizon

Patience seemed to be a word of focus today brought on by much waiting. Waiting to see what the storm might bring with it. Waiting to see how the week will unfold for classes and labs. Waiting for some me time. Waiting. There just seemed to be a pile of anticipation arrive today -- both the exciting kind and the looming kind. Both provide a degree of anxiety when waiting to see what transpires -- what we prepared for or something else entirely. Exercising patience takes effort. Sometimes it seems that flying off in one direction or another might be easier. Hiding somewhere could also be easier -- but who would do my classes and labs if I chose that course of action? <smile>

While parsing the emotions of the day I found a song that spoke of waiting. It is from the new album of a singer from the UK featured on the blog in the past. This song has a bluesy feel to it and is sung as duet with a young American singer from a family of singers. The voices add to the concept of waiting in the way they meld together, take the lead, and show their difference. The result is delightfully unique. Enjoy!

Waiting -- Jake Bugg ft. Noah Cyrus

Day 5 - 21 -- Never Assume

I spent time outside in the sun -- cold wind but lovely sun. I finished taking the last of the pile of snow from the roof of the car. Once the physical activity was over, I settled into the work I'd  hope to do yesterday. I finished two shorter tasks and one that took much longer than I'd imagined. It is one that I haven't encountered before and it seemed simple on the surface. <smile>  Realizing that the next item on the list would take almost as long, and I wasn't sure there were another three hours on the clock or in my energy. So, I will use the one completed today to help me shave some time off the next one.

Underestimating the time a task will take opens one's eyes. Things are so much more complex when we delve below the surface. I found the task today took me down an extremely circuitous path. When reflecting on this experience, I wondered if this could be why the work of others may not be fully valued as it should. On the surface, the work seems straightforward, when in reality the person is able to make it look easy. If we undertake the same set of tasks, we'd likely realize that it is much trickier than we'd assumed -- another great reason to never assume <smile>.

A lyric wandered through my mind today -- a metaphor for the work journey taken today. The singer-songwriters changed the direction of rock music, another tortuous journey.  Enjoy!

Long and Winding Road -- The Beatles

Day 5 - 20 -- Unfocused Day

Saturday brings a host of indoor activities. Today half the laundry was completed and I managed to cook things to feed myself. <smile>  I worked on lectures for next week and had planned to do a couple of other tasks for course prep. Those just didn't seem to happen. It is hard not to see this as being lazy, though I'm sure my brain just wants a wee rest. Perhaps Sunday will bring a bit more impetus. I dislike doing things at the last minute with little time to focus yet if things don't get done on the weekend, time is rather tight on week days. Maybe watching a movie tonight might help me to feel I've had some me time and be better prepared to spend a few hours tomorrow finishing the small tasks left behind today.

What causes an unfocused day? Inadequate sleep plays a central role, but what about that lack of motivation? It certainly isn't a lack of caring about the task at hand. It might be other thoughts squeezing into the time set aside for something else. I am an inveterate list maker with rather infamous 'to do' lists. I have one for my weekly goals on my desk at work. This one is rather fluid given that other people can place things on the list. Shuffling the prioritization of listed tasks occurs several times throughout a day. The weekend 'to do' list at home includes both household, personal and work items. Perhaps that is the difficulty. The three realms may not fit well together for some lists, resulting in tasks that didn't make the list taking over -- usually personal time wishes instead of work needs. So, mixing needs, wants and wishes on the same list may the larger issue. If measuring success focuses on only one of the three domains, such as work needs, does that mean that all other tasks interfere -- in essence, squandering or misusing time? Wow. To alter this long-standing habit will take further thought.

The song line that ran through my head this evening matches these musings well -- well, the main concept not the full story-line of the lyrics. It is a song that I've always found thought-provoking from many vantage points. The rock band who first recorded this song often used country and folk overtones in their songwriting. Enjoy! 

Wasted Time -- The Eagles

Day 5 - 19 -- Snow and Popcorn

The work week ended with more shoveling. No new snow fell, but I managed to dig out the back porch and a path around the side of the house and spent time getting three-quarters of the foot of snow off the car. There is still a lot on the roof, but I'll get to that tomorrow or Sunday.  Shoveling was the break during a day of writing and course prep at home. Overall, it was a quiet day -- not as productive as I'd hoped but much did get moved forward. The weekend should see some further progress.

The morning show noted that it was Popcorn Day -- actually a national day in the US. That idea firmly planted itself in my mind, so I'm eating popcorn while writing this tonight. <smile> That also brought a musical selection to mind. An early synth pop recording, this instrumental introduced the genre to many in North America.  Enjoy!

Popcorn -- Hot Butter

Day 5 - 18 -- Disliking Repetition

Today was the third day in a row that involved shovelling snow -- several inches of snow each time. Last night 6-8 inches piled up on the porch rails, though it seemed like less along parts of the walk way. This time around the snow was heavier to move due to warmer temperatures and the inclusion of some rain during the night precipitation. Walking into the office today meant wading through the new snow that had a harder crust on top from that rain. Walking by dragging my feet through the snow didn't work then; I had to lift my foot up above the snow each time on the way through the neighbouring open lot. This process affected balance but I didn't fall. <smile> After just under an hour of slowly moving the snow in the front yard, I chose to leave the back porch until tomorrow. It will also take a while to remove the foot of snow off the car and then move that snow from the ground to the piles beside the driveway. So -- another couple of days to be truly 'free' to run errands with the car <smile>

Seeing the amount of snow this morning made me ask '"again?" Each of the past three nights, the predicted amount of snowfall has been exceeded. With my work schedule, I had to leave early so the shovelling was left until my return which has been after 6 or 7 for two nights. I will admit that the first two days were very easy to move and caused no residual pain. Tonight was not like that and the  muscles are already noting their distaste for this activity.

I'll admit to being very tired of the routine the weather has set up this week -- I feel like I'm trapped in a hamster wheel just running in a circle with no end in sight. This brought a song into the thought process. The lyrics do note the confusion and questioning that goes along with excess repetition. It is a lesser known song by a band that was big in the '70s. Enjoy!

Going in Circles -- Three Dog Night

Day 5 - 17 -- Random Smiles

A good part of today occurred when I realized that not calling the plow last night was a good thing. It snowed through the day and is to continue overnight. So, while I shoveled what had fallen by supper time, there will be more -- meaning the street and sidewalk plows will have to move more into the driveway. so -- calling tomorrow makes more sense and walking to work tomorrow won't add an undo burden. I was in the office for a class, lab prep, searching for a piece of equipment needed for lab, and responding to many e-mail messages. I left for an appointment off campus mid-afternoon, and the fine snow was still falling, though it felt warmer than earlier in the day.

I'm not sure why, but I found myself smiling every so often while walking -- a song on the iPod or a random thought and sometimes, for a reason that wasn't clear to me. I'm not complaining and certainly am not concerned by this behavior <smile>. I was just surprised -- or even a bit startled. I'll not examine this too closely, but will try to be more aware of the inner feeling or thought that sends a message to the facial muscles. <smile>

A song that somewhat fits the unexpected arrival of something to smile about also includes imagery of warmer climes and music. Love the singer-songwriter and his internal rhyming. Please excuse the setting as it isn't really a Christams song <smile>. Enjoy!

Snowtime -- James Taylor

Day 5 - 16 -- Lacking Rhythm

Non-stop. Active. Full. I'm not sure how to describe the day. It is a long one with the last lab session running to 6:30 PM. The morning presented itself with a fair amount of snow -- more than I'd expected overnight. We got 6-8 inches when I was hoping for half that much. I hadn't allowed an extra 90 minutes this morning to move the snow, shower and change before heading off to work. So, the task was done after 7 PM when I returned home. Happily, it went faster than I had planned. The work day included student meetings, a class and a lab with several partially completed tasks that I was sure I'd get to in the afternoon. So much for my prediction -- about as close as the meteorologists yesterday <smile>.

Given that it is only Tuesday, I find it interesting that the week has been so occupied in every waking moment. While still trying to find a rhythm for the term, the sheer number of 'must do' items seems to be pushing for a flat out free-for-all rather than any sense of routine. I'm pushing back on that concept. We'll see who wins in the next couple of weeks. Reviewing past blogs for this time of year, this is the norm for the beginning of the term. Why then does the intensity seem to feel so unusual. Is it that the human brain ties to forget the negatives -- at least the depth of the negativity? It says a lot about perception and memory being contorted without our knowledge -- in essence increasing anxiety levels rather than helping us to cope with them. Hmm. This one needs further exploration.

A song came to mind while at work today that seemed to say what I was thinking about the day. The chorus contains a line noting the inability to name the vortex that was today. I found the photos in the video intriguing and slightly unsettling -- has it been that long? <grin> Enjoy!

Ruby Tuesday -- The Rolling Stones

Day 5 - 15 -- Myth of Multitasking

Wow! Monday involved a continued flurry of activity. Two classes taught including the one that starts at 8:15 AM -- on a Monday. Meetings with students followed by trying to catch up on the deluge of e-mail that arrived in the past 36 hours and invigilating a deferred final exam. Two technology difficulties of last week seem to have been fixed, though technology continued to argue with me by presenting new ways to disrupt my work flow. One remains unexplained with files that sent to print that didn't show up and then an hour later magically appeared in the printer queue. I expect the other "failed" print jobs will show up in the next day or two. Very frustrating when time is of the essence. The other issue will need to be checked on again tomorrow to see if my idea of a simple fix will actually work. All of this occurred in a very cold environment since the heating in the three offices connected to the same sensor are always bitterly cold even if it warms up outside. This will mean a call to the  maintenance department if there is a moment to do so tomorrow. At the end of the day, though, several things were begun finally with some even completed. So, the day wasn't a total write off.

Frenetic activities that seem to be endless and even overlap and pile up on each other can take a lot of energy to navigate. Each task and individual involved is important, yet with so many happening simultaneously keeping it all straight is miraculous. Appearing calm on the outside may help others to remain grounded rather than flying off in a different direction. A sense of humour helps, too. Even a smile can help others see that you are doing your best for them but have divided attention and things will just take a bit longer than expected. Days like this can provide evidence that multitasking is a myth invented by the convergence of many electronic devices into a single hand held unit. The human brain - even when young - cannot focus on multiple things at the same time. The lack of focus means nothing is done well -- not the goal we set for ourselves. <smile>

A couple songs ran through my head when realizing the silly pace the day had set for me. One I've used in past blogs, so I chose to share the new one. The lyrics are written below the video as some of them may not be fully understood. The singer does an impeccable job with the lyrics and phrasing of this jazz style selection. Enjoy!

Cloudburst -- Barry Manilow

Day 5 - 14 -- Disrupted Sleep

I woke early into my sleep time last night when I thought something was running across the roof. As I became more conscious, I thought the sound was similar to wet snow falling from the surrounding trees. I looked out the window and was greeted by a white world. Between 10 PM and 1:30 AM the temperature had dropped about 15 degrees -- a true flash freeze. I managed to get back to sleep after an hour or so, but woke again earlier in the morning that I'd hoped.  So, the day began earlier than usual and with less sleep. I made it through much of the list of tasks for today, though there are still a couple larger tasks that need to move into the coming week -- a week that was already filled with work tasks. Hoping for a productive week with adequate sleep is where I'm heading. We'll see how things transpire.

Feeling tired on a weekend day seems odd. This is the time that I use for recharging. Getting some solid uninterrupted sleep is paramount. Many thoughts creep into the my head during the work week, but weekends generally allow for some distancing. For some reason the anxiety level seemed greater into the overnight hours last night. Technology issues have infiltrated at least three major projects resulting in things not moving forward as expected. Each item has a time line that is approaching at the speed of light. Again, weekends are times when such difficulties should be easier to explore and problem solve. 

The selection chosen to share today came to mind as I was wondering why some thoughts were pushing through the veil of sleep. The lyrics aptly state what I'd like to say to the anxiety that shoves ideas into the conscious mind. This unplugged studio version, from (dare I say) the most influential rock band in history, sounds calmer than I might when clearly making my point <smile>. Enjoy! 

I'm Only Sleeping -- The Beatles

Day 5 - 13 -- A World Gone Mad

The world must have gone mad. Outside my window winds blew in warmer air. Predictions were for 12-13C and it was 17-18C instead. For mid-January, that is bizarre. All remaining snow and ice melted overnight. Rain began in the afternoon. Less fell than predicted, but enough to be happy it was rain and not snow. Now we hear a flash freeze is advancing. In Ontario, in eight minutes the temperature fell 7 degrees. That reminded me of the images from The Day After Tomorrow -- scary, though not overly realistic. Our temperature is to fall about 20C by morning to just below freezing. This will bring risk of some bits of freezing rain.

Into early afternoon the furry one enjoyed a new catnip filled toy resulting in major puffy tail and fully dilated pupils. This was followed by a long nap. This made me smile and link this to the way Mother Nature has been operating lately and the incredulity in meteorologist reports. A single line of a song has been running through my head for most of the day. I do hear them with a slight change in word use -- 'must be' rather than 'must get'. Apologies to the Nobel Prize winner who wrote the original lyrics. Granted the song is about something entirely different, but that is where my lateral thinking process netted out today <grin>. I chose a cover version from a concert in honour of the singer-songwriter. Enjoy!

Rainy Day Women #12 and #35 -- Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

Day 5 - 12 -- Losing Track of Time

The day filled with activities even when I thought there would be a moment to focus on a planned activity. By the end of the day, I'd missed returning two calls that will have to wait until next week when offices are open. Meetings through the day were filled with many reports and potential plans - so a lot to think about and discuss. It was a crazy busy day but without overly negative outcomes.

Getting home later than usual for a Friday made dinner a bit later. I sent a number of e-mails and then felt ready for bed thinking it was early, but it was already midnight. It was interesting that my focus was always pulled elsewhere without realizing how much time was passing. Focus was on a single task at a time -- things that were being done on their own schedule and not my planned outline for the day. Losing track of time is disconcerting. Perhaps when new things infiltrate the plan for the day, focus helps us get through the tasks without thinking of their intrusive nature. Being 'in the zone' can be positive and time often passes without notice. Interesting <smile>.

By the time I felt ready for bed, I was still a bit wired from the events of the day. The song shared today brings major feelings of relaxation. The melodies and harmonies are riveting. The unexpected paired voices blend so well -- it can leave one breathless. Enjoy!

Perfect Symphony -- Ed Sheeran ft. Andrea Bocelli

Day 5 - 11 -- Disappearing ground cover

Today involved two classes and two lab sessions with a few short meetings in between. Time was at a premium as I completed items for course work just in time to use. This is not the way I want things to continue <smile> but getting into a new routine challenges us all. Granted, as things are being completed they are disappearing from the 'to do' list -- this is a 'good thing.' Doing a task once helps to set a rhythm for similar tasks that will follow -- hopefully erasing some of the anxiety found around newness.

When I arrived home tonight, the sun was setting so colours were still visible. I found the driveway dressed in green. It had worn white when I left earlier. Temperatures climbed about 10 degrees from -4 to +6C throughout the day, while I was scurrying through the corridors indoors. A weather change is underway. Temperatures will continue to climb into the low teens tomorrow and into Saturday. Major rainfall is expected on these days. The white parts currently accessorizing the green areas likely will disappear for a few days.By Sunday colder air will arrive again, and we'll head back into the wintery mix. It is a January thaw maritime style <smile>

Lyrics floated through my head this evening that fit the strange and magical changes outside my window over a few hours. The melody is wonderful and relaxing. Enjoy!

Strange Magic -- Electric Light Orchestra (ELO)

Day 5 - 10 -- Inner Noise

It has felt like a long week with many tasks that need to be completed immediately. It is only Wednesday, but it feels as if several weeks have passed in the last 7 days. I've said many times that the winter term begins abruptly. It is like the term is standing 3 inches from your face and is yelling at you from the moment it begins. It is a more petulant child than Fall term, which eases into communicating its many needs and wants. Winter term just sets the tone and carries on haranguing you until it finally ends. Luckily the lifespan is 13 weeks, though that feels so much longer.

The immediacy of the term demands can suck the joy out of moments and days and weeks. Working to counter the loss of the positive feelings takes a lot of effort -- and time is at a premium. I got home this evening with plans to work on an outside project. After finally eating supper, I promptly fell asleep. When I woke, there wasn't time left for the project work or the blog (so this is now a day late). I had to get to bed so I could wake with the alarm and get to class on time. The noise in my head amazes me, even though I know things get this way in second term. Finding a way to calm the brain isn't easy. I'm trying a number of things to find one or a combination that will help me sleep well and be more focused at work.

A song that seemed to fit the frenetic voices nagging me comes from the reunion album of a major group. The lyrics cover much of what I've tried to convey here tonight -- and more. I've enjoyed their style across the decades and the imagery of the lyrics. Enjoy!



Learn to be Still -- The Eagles

Day 5 - 9 -- Anxious or Weary?

I had a very disjointed sleep last night. I woke every 1.5 to 2 hours. Each time I was sure it was time to get up and I was still so tired. Twice I felt relief thinking it was a weekend and I could sleep until my body was ready to wake. But, it was only early Tuesday. The day went fairly well, but the first lab was not stellar. It could have been so much better. Being tired likely had a lot to do with my performance. I'm hoping today is an aberration and not the norm.

The term has begun with a vengeance. The evidence of anxiety 'dreams' this early in term is bothersome -- not unusual, but irritating. They don't usually occur until late term. Thinking that it was the weekend after one work day, is a new one for me. Monday went well so it is odd that my brain was ready to stop for the week <smile>.

The song shared today ran through my head. It says much of what I thinking throughout the day today <smile>. The singer's voice brings a relaxing feel to the fatalistic lyrics. Enjoy!

Days Like this -- Van Morrison

Day 5 - 8 -- Ice Dancing

The first 8:15 class on a Monday morning is behind me. I chose to walk into the office due to the snow falling and creating slippery roads. Sidewalks were reasonable but icy spots hid below the deceptive fluffy white flakes. It was like wet sand -- walking uphill in it would create great quad and calf definition, <smile> Classes went smoothly, though I was 5 minutes late for the early class -- walking took longer than expected. In the evening, I moved the snow from the porches and walkway. Behind the car the snow covered thick slabs of ice. Even with ice grippers, I slid and twisted around to move the fluffy stuff while remaining upright. It did make me laugh a few times. Luckily, it was dark by then, so few others in the neighbourhood could see my shoveling dance.

A perfect song for the slippery surfaces that put standing upright in jeopardy came to mind. The upbeat melody and fun video make me smile. Enjoy!

The Wilbury Twist -- The Travelling Wilburys

Day 5 - 7 -- Clearing Up

Today felt like the end of the holiday. It is orthodox Christmas and epiphany this weekend and my decorations generally stay up until this day. The tree is often up until next weekend -- orthodox new year -- but other items have begun to be cleared away. The linens were washed and put away for next year. The inside door hangers will be next along with any small ornaments. There was a small skiff of snow from early morning, which added to the holiday feeling of the day. It was still way too cold with big wind gusts to spend much time outside.

The end of the holiday season means a return to classes. While the first ones happened last week, tomorrow is the first 8:15 AM class for me -- a clear non-morning person -- which likely makes me feel more like the term is really starting <smile>. Clearing away the decorations is a physical metaphor for the clearing of mind clutter needed to begin new courses with a renewed energy and positive attitude.The awards season begins tonight with the Golden Globes -- a later evening on the night before a very early start. I expect I'll fall asleep before the end of the program -- midnight at this end of the country. And, 6:30 AM comes way too early any morning <grin>.

I thought of a song lyric when clearing away things today. It brought to mind the mental clearing that I felt moving through the day. Many people have recorded this song, so choosing one was a bit tricky. The version I settled on is by someone who is still recording 45 years after this one was recorded. Listen for the clarity of the high notes at the end. Enjoy!

On a Clear Day (you can see forever) -- Tony Bennett

Day 5 - 6 -- Cold Outside

The temperature fell steadily from yesterday early afternoon until this morning. It didn't warm much after that either. At present it sits at about -17C/0F with a feel like temperature closer to -30C. The wind had loud gusts still today, but with much less frequency than yesterday. I walked out to get milk this afternoon and found the temperature bracing, until I turned into the wind and then it was just plain COLD. The saving grace was the sun and a sky with few clouds for a change. Inside I put on an extra layer and wore the warmer yoga/sweat pants.

I've thought that after 20 years in the Maritime climate, I might be a bit wussy about the cold weather of the prairies and central Canada. I then realize that I own a winter coat that I've never worn since moving here. Maybe dressing for the weather would make even the colder temperatures somewhat manageable. I do tire of people complaining about the cold while wearing spring/fall jackets, no boots, mitts or hats. Winter lasts at least three months so we can't live in denial. It is true that rain and cold weather gear are required at this end of the continent. I'm not sure why people don't accept that and move on <smile>.

A song for the day deals with the cold weather. It is by a great guitarist and singer. Enjoy!

Out in the cold -- Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

Day 5 - 5 -- Storm Passes

We survived the storm. The winds had diminished greatly by bedtime, so it was easier to get to sleep. In the middle of the night, they wrapped back around and made a lot of noise. There were very strong gusts in the afternoon and early evening, too. The kind of winds that blow you in a direction you hadn't chosen. The plus is that with warmer temperatures overnight with the major winds, the water pools disappeared from many areas. What was left had frozen as the temperatures have been dropping and will continue to do so -- a very cold weekend ahead. Storm surge was bad in many coastal areas and continued to be dangerous as the wind blew throughout the day.  Power outages occurred across the province. I was lucky this time, but others in the county did have several hours without power. Others will be off grid for a day or two. This isn't great when the weather will be as cold as predicted. I did a walk around the house and yard in the semi-sun this afternoon. a few small branches were down, but the new shingles seem to be intact. The building where my office is had a lot of shingles strewn around it. I hope it is an easy and quick fix there.

Major winter storms or hurricanes can be wild. Sleeping through loud winds leaves people tired. Packing 'go bags' for emergency evacuation becomes routine some years. I was glad to sleep well last night, but didn't want to be lackadaisical about it. I do recall that when living on the prairies I'd sleep through loud thunder storms and not know about them until talking with colleagues at coffee break the next day. Nor'easters last longer so that may explain why I don't sleep through these events. Though it may be that thunder means the danger is past and 100 km wind gusts are the danger. Who knows? <smile>. Being prepared helps lower anxiousness, so I pack the 'go bag,'  charge all electronics, organize work at home in case campus closes, and plan basic meals in case we lose power.

The title of a song seemed to fit my thoughts of winter storms (thought the grammar issue does bother me <grin>). It is a bit frenetic, which mirrors the feeling of being in the middle of the storm. Enjoy!

Riding the storm out -- REO Speedwagon

Day 5 - 4 -- Cold and Wet

I walked into work today for an early class. Given the weather advisory, I chose not to drive. Rain began around noon followed by snow and mixing throughout the afternoon. After my later class, I headed home in major snow that turned to rain and ice pellets about half way there. I waited for the snow to stop and then went out to move the snow. Rain had begun in earnest by then, so what was being pushed was mainly slush mixed with a whole lot of water. Pushing it all looked and felt like pushing a river upstream <smile>. It is to be warmer overnight and begin to cool down by morning and throughout the day tomorrow. Everything will freeze as the temperatures dip below -18C/0F in the next 24 hours.

Pushing the slush and walking home left me with two coats that weighed far more when I came indoors than they did when I went outside. The fine misty rain and heavy wet snow had created very wet parkas and rain pants. So I now have two sets of outdoor gear hanging in hopes of having one dry set by tomorrow. Mittens were soaked, too, but the liners kept my hands dry. Boots are wetter than I've ever seen them -- may need a further external spray to keep the outside dry -- maybe on the weekend when I don't have to go anywhere. When hanging up the coat worn while shoveling, I put my hand in the pockets and found surprising things. I'd rather have found a five dollar bill, but I found enough snow to make a small snowball. That coat doesn't have pockets that zip shut, but the flaps generally keep such things from entering. 

Finding that cold surprise in my pocket reminded me of a lyric from an older song. While little boys fill their pockets with things to save, I didn't feel the need to save the slush ball for posterity. The singer was one of the smooth voiced tenors of the post-WWII decades. Enjoy! 

Catch a Falling Star -- Perry Como

Day 5 - 3 -- Harbinger

The first day is over. The intro class for one course went well. I met with a couple of students for early term questions and met with admin folks to figure out a couple of conundrums. I left those with the experts and will see how things go over the next couple of days. In the midst of the flow of the first few classes of term a major nor'easter is set to descend upon us. It may be all snow or snow followed by freezing rain, ice pellets and rain or any combo of the above. Forecasts have been changing hourly all day. The one sure thing is that something wicked is headed our way -- and there will be gale force (to just under storm force) winds. Snow is expected to fall at a ridiculous rate of 4-5 cm (about 2 inches) per hour by mid afternoon tomorrow. With the wind gusts, that will be so ugly. I expect the campus will choose to close noonish -- my guess based on past years. We'll see. <smile>  I will have oodles to shovel by the end of it all early evening tomorrow -- 20-25 cm (8-10 inches) or more <sigh>. I walked to the office and an appointment today in the sunny cold morning. I will walk again tomorrow to be sure I can get back into the driveway when the plows deposit the snow from the whole block at my house <grin>.

I'd like to live in denial -- in a place where the big storm isn't really going to leave huge amounts of snow in my yard. The blessing is that I don't have classes on Friday this term, so I will be able to shovel and rest (repeatedly) to get a walkway to the street. It will be heavy and wet by then due to temperatures rising above freezing. But, that too, may change with time <smile>. I've been listening to a wonderful concert in memory of Leonard Cohen and his music and a song just played that fit my wish to imagine a different outcome for tomorrow <smile>. I'll share that here tonight. Bettye LaVette sang this so well at the concert, but a clear audio was hard to find. The version here is sung by the man himself.  The tempo is so relaxing as is that amazing gravelly voice. Enjoy! 

My Secret Life -- Leonard Cohen

Day 5 - 2 -- Anxiety Returns?

The first day back in the office after the holiday break was spent running back and forth -- being more than a little discombobulated. I managed to get things ready for the one lecture tomorrow and one of those on Thursday. Later I spent time at home getting other things ready for Thursday classes. The office was cold today - colder than usual. I may have to call to demand a space heater if things remain the same tomorrow.  <sigh> The external temperature is to be colder tomorrow, too, which will likely add to the indoor discomfort. I had 4 layers on today and still sat and shivered. Silliness for a building with a new heat sensing system that obviously doesn't do the job.

I woke much earlier than the alarm today and was awake much later than when the lights went out last night. That is a clear sign of the "Sunday" anxiety. It fell on a Monday due to the holiday, but it was the same anxious feeling -- like waiting for the other shoe to drop or running from whatever is hanging over my left shoulder <smile>. Given that a whole new term begins tomorrow, the feeling of not being ready creates the stomach churning feelings. I am ready for tomorrow and now for the rest of the week. I have things organized to add new slides and revise others needed for the end of next week. So, I'm not too far behind on that, but knowing that there are several admin tasks to tackle soon means less time for course organization. This sort of thinking can bring on the panicky feelings. With time, I'll get the groove back. In the meantime, remaining as calm as possible can help. When frenetic feelings approach, I should take a time out to explore what I feel in my heart not just the emotional part of the head -- in that dinosaur brain area.

A song lyric that ran through my head later today seemed perfect to share here tonight. The main message is what I keep saying to myself (and to others). The voice delivers these words with amazing smoothness. Enjoy!

Don't you worry 'bout a thing -- John Legend

Day 5 - 1 -- A Blank Page

2018 -- a new year filled with unknowns. Discussing this with friends today, it was agreed that most were ready for a new beginning; 2017 had been less than kind to many people. Yet, being human we do seem to focus on the negative. Media focus on the negative, so we often seem to be swimming in such stories. Finding the positives in a day then seems incongruous. We see such events as aberrations and give them less focus than they deserve. Such cognitive dissonance can lead us to dismiss positive events and stay focused on the negative stories.

The new year provides a clean slate -- a place where we can write our stories with the focus we choose. This doesn't mean unpleasant events can be ignored, but does suggest that we can balance those with the positives we encounter daily. I am a list maker. I keep track of the new things I experience each year. This blog helps me to explore and understand events of the days. Often, positive aspects can be found upon reflection. We can learn and grow from all encounters of life. We only have to take a moment to look at things from different angles. I hope this fifth year of the blog will help me move through the next year with a smile and deeper understanding of the world around me.

Given a calendar or journal with a full year of days lying ahead, there are many opportunities to find the positives, learn from them, and share or remind others that there are positives in the world. The lyrics of a song that fits these musings ran through my head tonight. It encourages positive actions with an invigorating melody and nurturing lyrics. Enjoy!

Unwritten -- Natasha Bedingfield