9-151 (31/5/22) -- Navigating Change

Clouds dominated the skies until early evening when sun peeked through before setting. The winds were strong and cold. This weather mix was different than the past few warmer days. Just like the weather the events of the day were a mixed bag. I attended part of the first social function we've had in the past two years -- a retirement event for an admin assistant who retired after 35 years in this job. It was nice to get to chat with her and nod or wave to many folks I haven't seen since before the pandemic. I had to leave early due to an appointment that had been moved from last week. Then I checked mail for a friend who is out of town for a few days. 

During a conversation today, I realized that I find myself in a liminal space again. This happens repeatedly through life -- all those times when we find ourselves transitioning from one point to an unknown other point. I'm still working on what I want to be when I grow up <grin>. What do I want to do now that I'm retired? Today I was hunting for a recipe I hadn't used for several years when I realized how much I'd like to cook new items from my rather large cookbook collection. I love cooking, but have gotten stuck in a rut particularly with the limited supplies encountered during lockdowns. I felt a flutter of excitement as I checked through half a dozen books to find the one recipe. It would be fun to cook for people and with others who love spending time in the kitchen. While some dishes will not be 'keepers' -- a friend calls these 'once-ers.' -- some will be added to the regular recipe inventory. the enjoyment is in the process and discovery. So, this is one thing I hope to do more of now. Others involve travel and some writing. 

Finding some points to work towards helps reduce the anxiety of change that comes with external changes. This provides some sense of control in the midst of uncontrollable situations. Focusing on the change in self and how one navigates the uncertainties we encounter takes a lot of effort and some might even say, fortitude. Finding the positive thoughts helps tremendously. The indie pop song shared today brings some of the needed focus. I've included a version with subtitles as the singer does not always  articulate well -- just her style <smile>.  Keep safe. Enjoy! 

Courage to Change -- Sia

 

9-150 (30/5/22) -- Heavy Thoughts

The day began cloudy with some sunny breaks by mid-afternoon. It poured just after lunch and rained again around supper time. The latter involved rain while the sun shone. I was moving recycling bags to the porch and drove the car closer to the house. The drops were few but rather large so my t-shirt was a bit damp when I came inside. After supper, I put the bags from the porch into the car and backed it out to the curb. There were 16 bags, most of which contained magazines so were heavy. As I'd moved the bags to the porch, bag #13 split open spilling about half of the contents onto the wet porch. I got a new bag and madly shoved everything into the new bag. The bag number was not lost on my superstitious self. I only hope that no other bags break open when the collector comes by in the morning. I'd hate to have to sit out on the curb and pick up bits of paper and magazines <sigh>. 

By the time I get the last of the magazines out of the house, I should have the best upper arms around. <smile> Dead-lifting 12-15 pounds works, but doing it 16 times and walking with the bags feels like too much. Tor that reason, I've resorted to driving them down the extra long driveway. I still have to heft and transport them from the house -- often up the stairs from the basement -- and then from porch to car and from car to curb. It is a lot, but when paced correctly and breathing is done well, it is a big workout. 

I felt tired after schlepping it all out to the curb tonight, but not as tired as I'd expected. I giggled when I realized that I'd used a lyric line to describe to myself what I'd expected -- "feeling 'bout half past dead" and then I laughed out loud since the title of that song fit the whole effort so very well. The version shared here is different than ones used in past blogs. I like the unique grouping of individuals involved in singing. There is a great organ solo and a fantastic mandolin playing throughout. The link provided does have a few moments when video is slightly out of sync with audio and one spot where the audio failed to pick up the subtleties of a duet section, but just having this collection of artist together seemed to make up for technical recording shortcomings. Keep safe. Enjoy! 

The Weight -- Levon Helm with James Taylor, Steve Winwood, Sheryl Crow, Jacob Dylan, & Emmylou Harris

 

9-249 (29/5/22) -- Repetitive Work Rhythms

Today was sunny. I got out for two short walks to conduct errands -- getting some milk and then getting takeout supper. It felt wonderful to fet out in the fresh air between household tasks. I did manage to finish the weekly laundry and spent a fair amount of time working on household files. The latter has been on the list for some time, so it is a bit overdue -- but I did get some of the major things addressed. One or two further bits need revising so I hope that will all be completed soon. 

It is good to have some tasks that require me to sit. Much of the housework -- the spring cleaning/clearing stuff -- has been rather intense work. Well, intense physically. The paperwork is intense mentally.  <smile>  No wonder I'm so tired these days. My sleep has been disrupted by the frenetic feeling of sorting and cleaning and getting to paperwork that needs to be done personally and professionally -- too much to think about much of which creates anxiety. Getting out for a walk and treating myself to something yummy from a restaurant does help my mood. 

I heard in my head the title line of a song from a Canadian group. The lyrics cover the repetitive nature of the work that I've been intent on doing. Keep safe. Enjoy! 

Takin' Care of Business -- Bachman-Turner Overdrive

9-148 (28/5/22) -- Intentions

Today was another grey and cloudy day. I ran out for two quick errands and then home to do the weekend chores. I managed to get most of the laundry completed, but didn't get much else done. That leaves more for tomorrow than I'd planned. Hopefully the day will see more transpire than today. 

Some days I have good intentions -- and we know what they say about good intentions <sigh>. I move slowly on such days and am easily distracted. Neither attribute helps me complete tasks. Maybe I need to learn from my feline friend -- rest judiciously and play as needed. Some days have more play and some days have more rest. I must be the way of things. Trying to find a rhythm to keep forward movement, even if very slow, can be tricky some days. Like today, I can wake and then seem to nod off multiple times over the next 30 minutes or more. Getting out of bed becomes a major effort. That should be my notification that the day will have more rest and less work or play. Maybe then I'd feel less frustrated with not completing as much as planned. I have come to terms with my 'to do' list that it is really for a week not just the weekend. Also, it is more aspirational than obligatory.  <smile> Now if I could get my brain around that a bit more, maybe I wouldn't feel the need to chastise myself for not doing what was on the list. Hmmm. That one will take some work I'm sure. 

Lyrics of the song shared present similar ideas to my thought processes today. Aiming for perfection may leave us feeling 'less than' more often than not. Giving ourselves permission to do the best we can at any point in time could help, as long as we understand that our best will vary from day to day. <smile>. Keep safe. Enjoy! 

Good Intentions -- Toad the Wet Sprocket

9-147 (27/5/22) -- Growing Community

As forecast, it rained overnight and into the early morning. This turned to a light drizzle until late afternoon. The day felt cooler than forecasts had suggested. This isn't a complaint, since humidity is not my favourite part of warmer weather. 

The major outing -- and physical exercise -- for the day involved taking books to a library book sale. I was invited to come to the sale tomorrow and I had to say that I might not refill the shelves and closets that I just cleared up so quickly <smile>. Books are sold by an volunteer group that serves as a fund raiser for the town library. Books are sold by the bag and there were oodles when I was there just after noon. They were accepting donations until the late afternoon, so they will be swimming in books if the morning haul was similar to the afternoon drop offs. A very helpful gentleman found empty boxes for me to leave the books in my six large shopping bags. I took three trips into the library -- two large bags each time. I chose not to over-stress my arms and back <smile>. 

Our library complex is called the People's Place. It serves as a gathering place with several meeting rooms available for reservations. A youth-focused area is busy during the after school hours and throughout the summer months. Several public access computers are available for those who don't have wifi at home. There are quiet desk areas   The larger education room holds many events such as local author book launches, 55+ Lunch and Learn, travelogue presentations and so much more. Art works from local artists were commissioned. Some hang on the walls and sculptures adorn the terrace around the building. Along the walkways outside a garden has been planted. There are some great flowering plants -- two wonderful small magnolias, but the highlight for me is the edible garden that grows strawberries, chard, and many other vegetable plants. These are for anyone who would like them. I loved the plan to address food security in this way. So the place is way more than books and is so inviting. This past winter, they printed my vaccine record and even laminated it for me. <smile> It truly lives up to its name -- a place for all people to meet. 

The song chosen today fits the physical and metaphorical gardens present at our town library. Many artists have covered this song. I chose one of those encountered when searching for a link today. Keep safe. Enjoy! 

Garden Song -- John Denver

9-146 (26/5/22) -- Smiling Sunshine

I woke to sunshine this morning. Just after noon, I walked to do two errands and the sun was very warm. Fruit trees are in bloom this week. Apples, crab apples and cherries in the neighbourhood are all very pretty. By mid-afternoon, cloud cover arrived and blocked the sun. Forecasts state that we will get some rain over the next two days. The amount is unclear -- but it will be grey, wet and humid for the next few days. In terms of household chores, I organized a number of books to donate to the local library fund-raiser this weekend. Several reusable shopping bags have been filled and there are a couple of smaller boxes. It will take several trips to get them into the donation room, but that will provide some of my daily exercise <smile>. 

I find it interesting how the sunshine -- or lack thereof -- can affect my mood. I feel more hopeful when I see the sun. I enjoy cloudy days, too, but when they occur for two weeks at a time, it drags down the mood. <smile>   Walking in the sunshine can be fantastic except when very hot in the summer months. Walking in the rain can be refreshing, though not when it falls horizontally due to the wind <grin>. 

Many songs have been written about sun, clouds and rain. The lyric I heard today is from a wonderful song from a few decades ago. The first line was the one I heard running through my head this morning. Take care. Enjoy! 

Sunshine Superman -- Donovan 

9-145 (25/5/22) -- Mundane Day

What a lovely lovely sunshiny day with cooler winds until early afternoon when the wind abated and the sunshine warmed walkers. I went for a short walk to run and errand around mid-day and then went for another walk and chat with a friend in mid-afternoon. Much road construction existed around Main Street and my cross-street. They began early this morning before I even thought of rising. It wasn't clear if things were completed by end of day today or not. I'll get the answer to that tomorrow morning, I guess <smile>. 

Stress surfaced a few times during the day. The two walks and a couple of chats with friends helped. I didn't get to much on my list for the day so more to do in the next couple of days. <smile> Two appointments were moved to next week, so there is some 'found' time there to help me catch up on what didn't happen today. Despite doing far less than planned, I feel quite tired. I slept fairly well last night, but not the night before. I swear I could lie down and fall asleep anytime during the day the week. Stress will do that. 

I share a song that mirrors the thoughts of the blog today -- mundane aspects of daily living and being a bit tired. <smile> Keep safe. Enjoy! 

I Went to Sleep -- The Beach Boys

 

9-144 (24/5/22) -- Beauty All Around

It was a sunny day. The blue sky had a light covering of cloudy haze. The wind was cool so a jacket was necessary unless in a sheltered area. I ran several errands for groceries and other needed items. I went to campus for a late lunch before visiting a colleague. I sat at the outside tables to eat. That is where I nearly choked on my first sip of the chai latte which was a plain coffee latte. I really dislike the odor and flavour of coffee, so this was jarring. I went back inside to ask for a corrected order and ended up with a vente instead of a tall. I rarely go that way, but I hadn't had anything to drink for about three hours, so I did polish off that latte. <smile>   Sadly, once I finished these activities, my friend wasn't in the office. So, I headed home. I'll check in with them tomorrow or Thursday. 

The sun helped me see some positives in the day. The song shared points to the beauty around us even when things aren't feeling all sparkly and great. It brings a glimmer of hope, as did the sun and errands completed today. Keep safe. Enjoy! 

Beautiful Day -- U2

9-143 (23/5/22) -- Spring Confusion

The day was mostly grey. They quality of light accentuated the green of the new leaves. The light plus very little air movement added a sense of peacefulness to the scene outside the windows.  During the day, I tackled some boxes from the back of the office room closet. Why do I save some of this stuff? <smile> More papers into recycling for next week pick up. Tonight, I had six bags of waste that isn't recyclable or compostable. When carrying those to the curb tonight, I had to wear an warmer jacket. It felt very cool so a fleece and a jacket. That was very different from last night when it was quite warm and a bit uncomfortable due to humidity inside. 

We are at the time of year when it can be warm or even hot one day and cool the next. It means having two wardrobes available. So, some winter clothes can be put way but some must remain for those cooler days. I have brought out some of the summer wear for the warmer weather. It is a confusing time of year where one needs to dress in layers many days to be ready for heating and cooling cycles. 

I chose an odd song for today. It uses the metaphor of spring to tells us in the last verse that the season will be a mixed bag but it will usher in something positive.  The production contains a few unexpected moments or transitions -- just like spring and life -- a bit of that confusion and chaos that comes with spring weather. Keep safe. Enjoy! 

Can't Stop the Spring -- The Flaming Lips

9-142 (22/6/22) -- R&R Day

Outside the windows I saw a cloudy day with warmer temperatures. Some humidity made it feel warmer than it was -- the early volleys of summer humidity. The house warmed a bit, but not as much as it would have with full sun. So, I'll take that as something that makes me feel grateful. 

I took the day off from much of the household work. I did a bit of cooking and finished the laundry. I've been working at a crazy pace and just needed a day or two of doing next to nothing -- some rest and relaxation. It felt good to give myself permission to take time off. I guess this is an example of being kind to myself -- something that I've found challenging. When working, 

Before retiring, I used to take the Victoria Day weekend as a mini-break from work. Summers were not times 'off' for academics. This was the time that we had to focus on research -- data collection, analysis and writing. Often, I'd have a summer research student, so teaching was often part of the process. Summers also involved preparation of course materials for the next year. While most courses were the same year to year, new-to-me courses meant a lot more work to get my head around the content and ways to present it in a classroom and lab. All of this meant a very busy week -- all 7 days -- even during the summer. So, if I could do it for my personal mental health in the midst of a busy work time, I should be able to take this weekend while working through a major household project. Relaxing today had me 

Lines from a song about taking it easy ran through my head today -- from the psychedelic era. I'm sharing that one here today. Keep safe. Enjoy! 

Itchycoo Park -- Small Faces

9-141 (21/5/22) -- Sunshine and Sleepiness

We had another sunny day but with more wind than usual. I spent the day doing laundry and a few household chores. Nothing too exciting happened here today. <smile> Some days are like that -- nothing notable to talk about. I was very tired today, so had a long nap in the early evening. I was surprised that I slept for more than the expected half an hour. I hadn't done much that caused the fatigue. I was tired when I woke today, so that must have stayed with me all day.   

A song came to mind about doing nothing on a sunny day. I love the full orchestral sound of this production. Keep safe. Enjoy! 

Sunny Days -- Lighthouse

9-138 (18/5/22) -- Feeling Lucky

I went for lunch with former colleagues and friends -- that should be vice versa actually, friends who are former colleagues <smile> We had great conversation and got caught up on our stories and life events. We haven't seen each other in person for a long time due to pandemic protocols. Three of the four of us are retired. It would be great to be able to get together more often -- maybe take advantage of the outdoor patios this summer season. It appeared that the outdoor dining area today was being expanded so might be ready in a week or two. Other restaurants are either up and running patios or getting things ready to open. The morning was sunny but by early afternoon clouds arrived and the temperature felt cooler with the increased breeze. Given that, outdoor dining might not have been as comfortable as desired. Soon, though. <smile>

My lunch experience made me think about how lucky I am. I'm lucky to have good friends who provide support in many ways. I'm lucky to have a wonderful feline friend who makes me laugh and relax. I'm lucky to have online friends who check in or visit with me regularly. Lately, when I've felt things have turned against me, I have tried to focus on the many things for which I'm lucky. It can help with the mindset, so I can see the upside more often. 

I heard a song line in my head and then realized the whole lyric makes me laugh. Keep safe. Enjoy! 

I Feel Lucky -- Mary Chapin Carpenter

9-140 (20/5/22) -- Present, Past and Future

It has been a sunny day. I went for a walk early in the afternoon to enjoy the sun and flowers. The maple trees in my front yard have their first leaves unfurled. The bright yellowy green shade is evident all around the neighbourhood. I enjoy the various shades of green that occur over the summer. The forests are gorgeous with all those green shades from different tree species. Individual trees darken with time for photosynthesis to build chlorophyll. So very cool. 

In the afternoon, I worked through another shelf of small boxes. These included memory boxes from 1995 to 1998. There was a box with greeting cards and notes and newspaper clippings from my doctoral convocation. Another box held great print-outs of some online conversations from a group of friends I found online in 1995. This included planning for an in-person meet for two concerts I attended with them. We are still in contact almost daily. Both boxes made me smile but also brought some tears for the kindness others have given me. 

For much of the past few weeks, I've been sorting through things to edit the storage boxes. This had me lingering with the past in order to address the future by reducing the amount of stored stuff in the house. I am trying to be more Zen and live in the moment. Sometimes those moments require a bit of a look into the past or the future. 

Reading through some of the past conversations today, reminded me of a song lyric. The first verse said much of what I was thinking. Those friends have become family over the past 28 years. Session guitarists for this recording include Danny Kortchmar, Carole King and Neil Young. Cool. <smile> Keep safe. Enjoy! 

As We Go Along -- The Monkees

 

  

9-139 (19/5/22) -- Watching Nature

I enjoyed the sunny morning after a cooler overnight. I like this time of year with warm (not hot) days and cool nights -- no interruptions to sleeping and indoor and outdoor activity. Rhododendrons are in bloom -- gorgeous bushes of magenta blossoms around the neighbourhood. Maple trees are blooming while leaf buds are close to opening. The plum tree in the yard is in bloom. And ... dandelion season is upon us. The whole town and county becomes bright yellow -- not my favourite colour, but the flowers are wonderful for the bees. This yellow carpet lasts a solid two weeks or so and then most plants subside. 

Admiring nature today made me focus on the external --not just boxes but the beauty all around. It helped me to breathe and relax. With all its ugliness, the world does provide beauty that is often overlooked as we focus on the negativity swirling around us. Focusing on the beauty of nature helps to move the negative thoughts aside, like opening curtains on a bright sunny day. It won't eliminate the negatives, but it will help us to see the positives more clearly. 

I chose a song that focuses on the wonders of the world around us. It seemed to fit my pondering well today.the version shared is different from the version heard most often -- just to mix things up. <smile>  Stay safe. Enjoy! 

What a Wonderful World -- The Ramones

9-137 (17/5/22) -- Wash It All Away

Showers from light to heavy filled much of the day. The rain moved along by late afternoon. I had a phone appointment this afternoon that made me smile. Much of the day I worked through next steps in the clearing adventure. I also pondered feelings from the process thus far. 

A social media post got me thinking (a quote attributed to Iain Thomas). I altered its main points to fit my thoughts today. Recently each day I wake and am dragged by the hand by Anxiety while it simultaneously screams into my face -- pointing to everything we pass telling me each thing we pass is important. My job each day is to centre myself, pull back my hand, point to my heart and say, " No. This is important. I am important." 

Media and social media can trigger negative emotions and feed Anxiety. Keeping it at bay can be easier when we avoid over-use of any form of media fomenting fear and anger. This task is far from easy to accomplish since we are surrounded by such messaging. I've been avoiding even the scrolling headlines once every day or two. I scroll through social media posts and often hide posts that could be triggering. It helps to look only at Notifications rather than the full message feed. To take care of me, I do several other things. Walking often works well -- that endorphin release can make me feel a bit more up. Listening to music helps, too. Cooking or baking provide a creative outlet -- as does this blog -- that gets my fore-brain in a dominant position over the limbic system. Sitting with a purring cat brings amazing relaxation. There are many things that one can do for self care. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, move on to something else. 

The rain fit perfectly with my thinking today. It helped me to wash away some of the negatives of the past few days when sorting pushed the past up into my face rather abruptly. I chose a song with lyrics that note rain washing things away and letting go of the past. I enjoy the original, but will share a favourite cover of the song. Keep safe. Enjoy!

The Sad Cafe -- Lorrie Morgan

9-136 (16/5/22) -- Hiding?

Today was cloudy but no rain fell from some of the menacing clouds. The cloud cover last night obscured viewing of the full moon and  eclipse. Rain is expected tomorrow so it will be another mainly inside day. 

My day involved more sorting and packing for the next charity pick up date in June. I have 10 boxes (of all sizes) ready to go for that day. Tonight the recycling went to the curb. I put out 15 bags! The magazine pile is dwindling but very slowly. I can't carry huge numbers in a bag so have to put out more bags to make it manageable. There are lots of periodicals left to head to the curb, but those will wait for the next waste pick up date in two weeks -- then the next two weeks and so on and so on ...

I have been pondering how easy it is to squirrel things away in corners and ignore or even forget about them. This may be another aspect of my avoidance behaviours <smile>. In some ways it reminds of a wish to hide. If I ignore things they aren't real -- or some such silliness. I'm working on it. I've read that clutter blindness has a genetic component as well as an experiential aspect. I grew up with degrees of clutter with some of my family members, so come by it honestly on both of the potential causes -- nature and nurture. To address the clearing process requires one to be somewhat dispassionate. Finding that zone can be difficult. It needs one to find a place to hide from or to hide the emotions. Or maybe it is giving oneself the permission to let things go. Likely, a combination of the two makes things work. I found it today. The downside was when I finally paused, it was 4:30 PM and I hadn't eaten lunch yet. I didn't even feel hungry -- anxiety at work there, I guess. A lot was accomplished, though, and I ate supper and had lunch closer to 10 PM -- so covered nutritionally. <grin> 

Lyrics that came to mind today deal with my feelings of being bounced around emotionally from the contents of boxes. One of my favourite lines notes that an earthquake could help someone hide in an opening in the earth. It has been a day. Listen to the backup singers -- Mike Nesmith and Micky Dolenz contributed to this one. Keep safe. Enjoy! 

Milkshake -- Peter Tork

9-135 (15/5/22) -- Child to Adult

I spent more time with boxes today and then took time to address the backlog of blogs that haven't been posted. Partly cloudy outside made it less warm inside, but still humid -- not overly so, but enough that my hands feel wet while typing <smile>. 

Today's boxes involved finding something that I was sure had been left behind in a past move. I had others helping with packing boxes for that move. I had labeled boxes from the previous move -- it was a type of inventory control system. My helpers had ignored the labels and put things into any box close at hand. Today I discovered that a box marked as one thing had not been renamed and in the middle of the box of unrelated items were two bowls that belonged to my grandmother. I cried happy tears at this discovery. <smile> Other items from childhood were found. I kept a couple of small things, discarded some larger items, and found many things that will work for donations. It is heartening to see some empty boxes and space on the shelves. The number of recycling and garbage bags grows daily. It will be a major workout each week to carry it all the 100 feet to the curb. So, the process helps my health -- physical and mental. <smile>  

The coming days will have me looking through more boxes that test my emotions -- things from childhood and the homes of my parents, grandparents and a close family friend. It needs to be done. Carrying the packed boxes from place to place makes little sense. I've been surprised at what I moved with me from Saskatchewan over 20 years ago. It is time to move some of it to a new home. I see things from a very different perspective now. Some items were charged with emotions years back and time has tempered those feelings, which allows me to let them move elsewhere. I've found the sorting process helped me to recognize how I've grown over the years. I'm in a very different place than I was years ago. While I do have many items from past generations, some of the smaller items carry less importance to me now. I smile wistfully for some things, but see them as useful to someone else or not useful. I see that as emotional growth. 

I chose a song about growth. The lyrics fit the non-conformist part of me <smile> and fit my thoughts on maturing over the years. Keep safe. Enjoy! 

Growin' Up -- Bruce Springsteen

9-134 (14/5/22) -- Dinner Traditions

 I spent the day with laundry and sorting through boxes in the basement. Another four boxes are packed and ready for the next Diabetes Canada pickup in June. Their driver took all boxes and bags from the front porch before noon today. The house began to feel uncomfortable around sundown. The day was very sunny and warm. At sunset, the heat in the attic drops into the living area and the humidity had risen inside, too. All of this made me happy that I had chosen to work in a corner in the basement where it was cooler today. 

I was thinking about the weekend. As a retired person, the days seem similar to all other days. As a kid, Saturday was for groceries, cleaning and a fun supper. Sunday involved a traditional family dinner -- one that provided leftovers for the next two or three evening meals. When I moved away from home, we would often speak on Sunday. I still try to make a special dinner on Sunday, but still don't eat at the table. Just me at the table accentuates that I am the only one at the table. 

I found a folk song that speaks to the family dinners of yesteryear. It deals with some of the things that I thought of while pondering today. Keep safe. Enjoy! 

The Old Sunday Dinner -- The Martin Family

9-133 (13/5/22) -- Boxes and Bags

The day began cloudy and ended with bright blue skies -- the opposite of days for the past few weeks.  The wind felt cool when I headed to the mail box in early evening. 

The big event of the day was putting gasoline in the car. I chose not to fill the tank, but to put a specific dollar amount in instead. It felt very surreal to see the sign noting the price -- 199.7/L ($5.90US/gallon). Out of this world! I calculated this by converting litres to US gallons and then converting Canadian dollars to US dollars using the exchange rate for today. I expect there will be less travel for fun over the summer. 

In the evening I carried out ten boxes and four large bags of donated things for pick up tomorrow by Diabetes Canada. The porch looks crowded tonight <smile>, but I ensured that I could still get out the door and down the stairs in an emergency. There will be more items to go out next month. Clearing through boxes and shelves brings some positive feelings. 

The song chosen today speaks to the feelings of surprise at the things I have found in the boxes in my basement. The lyrics also refer to donating items -- though the broken things go into the garbage as I've been sorting through things. Just need to unload some of this stuff to begin to feel a little lighter <smile>. Keep safe. Enjoy! 

Cardboard Boxes -- Louden Wainwright III 

9-132 (12/5/22) -- They're Baaack

The sun was very hot today. In that sunshine today, I went out for three shorter walks as part of visiting two stores and one in-person appointment. Later in the afternoon, I had a good chat over tea with a friend.  The two walks later in the afternoon surprised me. I encountered black flies during both walks. It seems early in the season for these carnivorous insects to be buzzing around my head. One is less likely to be bitten if motion continues. Stopping to chat is out of the question until these critters leave for this year. 

When I say bitten, it is an actual bite. These tiny flies take a chunk out of the skin. I never notice until there is blood running down my face or neck. There is a form of anesthetic involved, so no pain is felt. In an hour or so, a giant red welt appears and remains extremely itchy for several days. Many locals use a bug net hat when out doing yard work. I will use insect repellent when making my trips to the curb for garbage and recycling over the next several weeks.  

I chose a National Film Board vignette for its song and visuals. They make me smile. Stay safe. Enjoy! 

The Black Fly Song -- Wade Hemsworth

9-131 (11/5/22) -- Finding Space

Today brought some sun amongst the clouds. I went for two shorter walks in the afternoon and evening. I participated in a phone meeting and an in-person appointment today. One discussion spoke to making space for calming activities. Anxiety has been working overtime recently. I haven't always been able to get out for a walk, practice re-centering, or do any of the other activities that help me relax. The fore brain needs to take over from the emotional thinking centres. It sounds easy, but can be difficult. I've had other people help me refocus but when by myself, this becomes trickier. 

Self compassion or kindness provides the room to open a calming space in one's thoughts. Many things work for me, but I need to recognize that anxiety is present -- preferably before it fully takes over. Speaking about this today helped me feel calmer and more in control. Hey, imagine! It's all about control <grin>. 

I chose a song that deals with self awareness and aspects of space. Listening to this one brings a relaxed feeling, too. Stay safe. Enjoy! 

Across the Universe -- The Beatles

9-130 (10/5/22) -- The 3 or 4 R's

Today was another sunny day without a cloud in the blue sky. Temperatures were warmer, but the east wind cooled things when walking. I went for a wonderful walk in mid-afternoon. The forecast suggests that we'll have clouds and some rain tomorrow, so the walk may be different. <smile> 

I spent much of the day clearing out some other corners of the house. Perhaps this is a benefit of the open concept floor plans that seem to be all the rage at present -- nowhere to hide stuff. <grin> I moved some stored kitchen items to the donation boxes. That pick up is this next weekend. I spent part of the evening, sitting and clearing through household files. I should do this annually, but it has been longer than that so there is much to shred. The shredding then goes to the curb on recycling day or will be used to pack some of the things for donation. Recycle and Reuse. <smile>  

It feels positive to let go of some of these things. There have been a few items that I will hold onto for now. It just isn't their time. <smile> There will be some things that are more difficult to donate that I would like to judiciously edit. I will need to find a place that will take them. Luckily, they occupy a small space, so will wait while I work on the things that can be readily given away, recycled or discarded. A local group that supports the library will take book donations at the end of the this month for their annual book sale. Anyone who knows me understands that there are more books than book shelves in my home. <smile> Many can be moved to new homes and others  are closer friends that will need to stay with me. 

I thought of how lucky I am to live where recycling is required. That ensures that everything doesn't just go to landfill. We have transparent bags only, so it is difficult to 'hide' things. The song shared today deals with the environment and why reduce, reuse, and recycle -- and refuse, which is less well used -- are so important. Keep safe. Enjoy!  

Save Me Now -- Jeff Lynne

9-129 (9/5/22) -- The Effective Pause

In her blog today, Brene Brown started with a quote that really got me thinking. She attributed it to Victor Frankl, though who actually wrote it remains unclear.  It said, 

    "Between stimulus and response is a space. In that space is our power to choose our              response. In our response lies our growth and freedom." 

Wow! How profound. She also noted it was similar to the Buddhist concept of  "sacred pause". 

As Brown noted, many of us grew up practicing our response before the stimulus was completed. When I thought through this I realized that being in that defensive mode much of the time means that we can miss the subtleties of the stimulus perhaps making grand assumptions along the way. In other situations, we may feel powerless and just go along with the stimulus effect -- learning nothing and being the architects of our own disempowerment. If we use some time to consider how best to react rather than a knee jerk response or no response at all, we can reclaim our power again.  While pondering this afternoon, I called this time "pause and effect" <smile>. Learning to do this requires unlearning the less effective ways of our pasts. It isn't easy, but it feels good to hold onto the power that is our own. 

When thinking of a song for the topic today, I thought of call and response songs. So, here is one that really does this well. Lyrics are on the page. Stay safe. Enjoy! 

Shout -- The Isley Brothers

9-128 (8/5/22) -- Graduation Day

It was convocation day here -- a week later than usual due to schedule changes earlier in the term due to COVID.  It was a great day for photos with sunshine most of the day. Temperatures were cooler but everyone would be in academic gowns, so those can help when processing outside. I watched the Xaverian Farewell as it live-streamed. The time capsule, which is opened at their 25th year reunion, had the usual mementos of activities over the past four years. This year there were several serious items. the first item placed by an international student from Mauritius was his unused air ticket home. He was in transit to Toronto when he got the e-mail noting the borders of his home nation were closed. He and several other international students remained on campus when all other students had been sent home. Other contributions included a rapid test, mask and a Ukrainian flag. 

I feel nostalgic on this weekend. While I didn't attend ceremonies this year, it reminded me of my convocation days. They provided me a sense of closure and a mixture of sadness and excitement -- sadness for leaving that stage of life behind and excitement for the next steps planned. Now, I see the graduates with their lives ahead of them -- so much capacity and expertise going out into the world. All of this boosts my feeling of hope for the future. 

I thought of friends from my degree programs today along with the local graduates. Song lyrics present the ending and beginning of this ceremonial day. I smiled when I realized the artist name -- so that is for the Human Nutrition graduates today <smile>.  Keep safe. Enjoy! 

Graduation (Friends Forever) -- Vitamin C

9-127 (7/5/22) -- Helping Hand

The day started with sunshine but cloud built up by afternoon. I did a quick trip to the grocery store for a few items that I needed now. The rest of the day involved the ubiquitous laundry and some serious avoidance behaviour for other tasks that should be addressed soon. Some days this is worse than others. This inertia relates in some way with anxiety, which also results in fatigue, forgetfulness and fear -- the three dreaded F's  <smile>. 

On an up note, two acquaintances contacted me today -- communications that helped me feel connected and supported. Isolation has become the norm over the past two years, yet that does not mean that we are alone. We are still connected with that wonderful fabric of friends, family and community. I am so lucky. I recall thinking that moving to a small town might bring too many challenges -- like everyone knowing everything about me. <grin> Over the years, I've learned that there are more positives than challenges. Yes, shopping can be challenging especially for clothing and furniture and such. But, I know that if I am out of the house, there are people everywhere that I know who can -- and often have -- helped me when I've needed it. People have helped me when I have needed to get to Emergency, go down the highway for a physician appointment, check in with me when life has gone sideways, supported me through vehicular accidents and so many smaller helps that I couldn't begin to list them all. When I've asked for help, I'm always surprised that people say 'yes'. Asking for help is difficult and I often expect that it is too much of an imposition. I was asked once what I would do if a student, friend or acquaintance asked me for the type of help I needed. My response what that I would help without hesitation. Their summary statement was a question, "Then why would you expect that others would have a different response?" Hmmm. Perhaps when feeling strong most of the time, being in need of help feels like a weakness. Even typing that made me shake my head. Asking for help is a strength -- I've told people that many times. So, why don't I take my own advice? We just don't do that very well, it seems. <smile>  

A couple of songs came to mind, but I settled on the one that explains the reciprocal concept of social support. We help each other so the help goes both ways. I know I've used this one before, but the lyrics really spoke to me again today. Stay safe. Enjoy! 

Count on Me -- Bruno Mars

9-126 (6/5/22) -- Perceptions of Time Passing

The day was mostly sunny but cool. The breeze still crosses the ice on the strait north of town to get to us, so the cooler air makes sense at this time of year. Clouds arrived by late afternoon with some minor sprinkles of rain into the evening. On my walks today, I noted that the lily and iris stalks in the neighbourhood are growing madly. Daffodils are in full bloom around town. The first magnolia tree is close to peak bloom so the others can't be far behind. That means there will be a need for a walk around campus to find the white, pink and yellow blossoms over the next week -- or maybe two. That will give me a different view for some of the daily walks. Variety is a good thing to stimulate the brain.  

The perception of the passage of time is a very odd thing, as I've noted in this blog in the past. It is May already. I seem to be a  month or so behind in my head. Time seems to move forward quickly, just as my older friend always told me it would do. She also noted that it would continue to move more and more quickly as we age. She lived to be 100 so I believe she had adequate lived experience to speak to this topic. <smile> In other ways, though, time creeps ahead slowly. I realized when walking that something that felt like it had happened a month or more ago, actually occurred just two weeks ago. Perhaps the positives of life are felt more deeply, which affects how we experience time passing. For example, while visiting someone dear to us, time can pass very quickly. After the visit, it may feel like forever since we've seen them even when that is not the case. Given the excessively long time between visits during the pandemic, maybe on some level we understand how precious time is and want to get in as many visits as possible while we can. 

So, while I was spending time pondering how I perceive time moving forward, I thought of a few songs. I chose a folk song that addresses the rhythms that occur as time passes -- like seasonal changes. The lyrics also contain some understanding of living in the present. It may sound a bit gloomy, but to me the themes presented are positive. Spend some time with those you care about -- today. <smile> Keep safe. Enjoy! 

Who Knows Where the Time Goes -- Fairport Convention

9-125 (5/5/22) -- Crystal Ball Gazing?

Today was rainy. It poured in the morning and turned to sprinkles by midday. By early afternoon, I wore light gloves due to a new nip in the air. I had two outings one to the bank in the morning and one to the physio by early evening. The banking meeting provided a degree of calm by running thorugh income possibilities over the next 5+ years. The physio visit worked on the achilles tendonitis that has bothered me for a while now. It felt better after the treatment. More work will occur in the coming few weeks.  

I have been doing the financial planning thing over decades while learning much about investing in variable markets. It still feels uncomfortable when a new outside force leaves us with many unknowns. We can base decisions on how markets have rebounded from past major down turns. Even with that history behind us, uncomfortable feeling arrive whenever markets drop or inflation rises. Meeting with an advisor who can work the numbers and explain any potential issues that need addressing -- or not -- is great. 

While none of us can see the future, we can look at current and past facts to make informed decisions -- no crystal ball needed. This approach cuts across other parts of life, too. Visits to the financial advisor and the physiotherapist reminded me that sometimes we need to consult with others who have different expertise areas. Gathering facts assists with problem solving and reduces feelings of anxiety. When feeling vulnerable, though, anxiety pushes to be front and centre. 

A song title came to mind as I thought through the appointments of the day. It made me smile. Many covers of this exist. I chose a more recent one to share here. I ecourage you to listen to the version by The Who and The Rolling Stones, too. Each addresses the song as a different genre -- all interesting for a listen. Keep safe. Enjoy! 

Fortune Teller -- Robert Plant & Alison Krauss

9-124 (4/5/22) -- Doing vs. Trying

The day began sunny with clouds arriving throughout the day. I accomplished less than hoped. I did some household accounting tasks that always seem to take longer than expected. So, once again I feel like I'm beating myself for not doing more and trying to think of being kind to myself. 

Today is Intergalactic Star Wars Day with the slogan -- May the Fourth be with you. <smile> My mood  and thoughts today reminded me of on of my favourite quotes from The Empire Strikes Back -- "Do or do not. There is no try."  Being kind needs to be part of my day -- not just to others but to me. I have several things in the offing that will take some effort to complete. Finding the courage to do these tasks will take time and strength. Similar tasks from the past took a lot of effort, too, so this isn't anything new. I still find myself in a form of avoidance behaviour that slows progress. I suppose that much like the training of a new Jedi knight that inspired the quote, learning from experiences is not only possible by positive. This may sound easy -- even if the sentence was a a bit complex <smile> -- but I haven't quite found the path to understanding yet.  I will take from this experience and add it to past works in the hopes of learning how to tackle the next obstacles that present themselves. To me, that my be the 'do' and not the 'try' that Yoda referred to in the movie. 

I chose a part of the soundtrack of the movie to share tonight. This isn't one of the more commonly recognized segments, but it does have variations on those themes. Keep safe. Enjoy! 

The Training of a Jedi Knight -- John Williams 

9-123 (3/5/22) -- Sunny Day Mail

It was a quiet day. I did some smaller jobs around the house and enjoyed a walk in the sunshine. The sun felt warm, though the north wind cooled the air noticeably. Weather patterns will trend to double digit highs over the next week or two. Nights will be cooler, but I can deal with that. This evening, I noticed the gorgeous crescent moon in the northwest sky. Clouds have obscured seeing the night sky for much of the past two weeks. It surprised me when I saw the moon tonight. Once it is full dark, I will go out to look at the stars and such, too.  

The mail brought most of the quarterly reports from the bank. I got a cup of tea and read through these documents. It has been a rough time in the markets due to geopolitical events more than the pandemic. This has happened several times over the past decades -- things tank and then rebuild over time. The length of that time varies depending on many factors. I read the economic outlook by fund managers and economists. Some questions exist, but predictions show potential for some upswing while inflation and GDP will remain in uncomfortable zones. It takes some faith to stay the course. I did make an appointment with my financial advisor to discuss if any changes should be made. This conversation will help me to manage the anxiety by refocusing on the bigger picture. 

Since this investment process takes some degree of faith in the guess work involved, I thought of a singer rather than a song. <smile> This country song deals with summer and all the things we try to pack into those few months. Keep safe. Enjoy! 

Sunshine and Summertime --Faith Hill 

 

9-122 (2/5/22) -- A Heavy Day

Clearing through things for recycling week again. Lots of magazines and such that were squirreled away in different places have made their way to the curb tonight. Ten bags. Nine trips to the curb. I didn't want to over-stress the arms, so carried the heavier bags one at a time carried close to centre of body. That was a bit tiring, even doing it at two times with five bags each time. There are still enough magazines to make another three or four bags for the next recycling pick up. Who knew that these publications find ways to hide in corners and on shelves. Maybe that is my clutter blindness coming into play, too. I also took time to clean and reorganize the linen closet. I'd been looking for one item and couldn't find it the other day. It now rests in the space it should have been. <smile> The space looks neater and I found a few items that will find other homes. 

During the day, I heard encouraging words from two acquaintances -- unexpectedly. Along with the sunshine, it helped me feel a bit more positive today. When out for my early evening walk, I stopped to chat with a local poet who I see on the street often. We had a good talk about needing to find a muse for writing. Writing has inspirational ups and downs. Some ideas just have to be set aside for another time when they become too challenging to continue. Writing when angry or frustrated leads to a less than wonderful product. If not happy with the outcome, sharing the writing with others won't happen. We left the discussion on an up note mentioning topics that might work for another project -- Small points rather than a definitive opus on a topic since these might be easier to accomplish. <smile> So, a third conversation of encouragement -- for and from me this time. <smile> 

Dealing with the recycling today involved weight lifting -- no need to join a gym <smile>. The conversations with others helped me to relax a bit so they helped me deal with an emotional load. Only one song came to my mind as I was thinking through this blog post. Keep safe. Enjoy! 

The Weight -- The Band

9-121 (1/5/22) -- Sharing

A social media post from a good friend got me thinking today. He noted that often people around us choose to love us even we don't love ourselves. What a profound thought to ponder. There are times when we struggle with an internal war about our action vs. inaction.  We pile on responsibility for situations far outside our ability to control.  In these moments, we may feel like failures for not foreseeing changes in the world around us. We are not clairvoyant or omniscient, so why do we bury ourselves in blame?  Asking for help in such situations can help reduce negativity, but asking isn't easy to do. I've been asked how i would respond to a friend who asked for assistance in situations similar to where I might find myself. My response is that I would listen and ask what I can do to help. Asking for assistance doesn't mean we expect someone else to swoop in and fix everything <smile>. What we need most is just to have someone to listen to the problem and our potential solutions. 

I found the shared ideas very insightful. The concepts of sharing our thoughts and sharing social support with others meshed well. Along with the shared  thought, my friend shared a song -- one that speaks well to my ponderings. So, in effect, my work was done for me today <grin>. Keep safe. Enjoy! 

Love Me When I Don't -- Pentatonix