While running around today trying to accomplish things on numerous fronts, in jest, a friend told me that she'd like something from me. My reply was simple and said with a smirk, "You can't always get what you want." I knew immediately that this line fit so much of what I was chasing today -- struggling with software that wouldn't load or work properly, conflicting messages from faceless, voiceless powers that be, finding some other nameless person changed my schedule without notice so it now has me in two places at the same time. It was indeed one of those days. However, when reflecting I found there were many positives amongst the other messes. Hugs -- real and virtual -- from friends, a very patient service worker who calmly and ably answered my endless string of questions, another service agent who happily did for me, in person, what the online program wouldn't do, and a lovely day for the drive out to get that assistance. The sky out the window at supper was amazingly beautiful -- thin clouds curled by the wind that let the golden sun shine through as it set. Breathtaking. It made me realize that while all things did not go my way, I was surrounded by loving, caring people who eased the frustrating journeys of the day.
So -- as a very famous lead singer has told us for decades, we can't always get what we want, but we get what we need -- even if that wasn't the intent of the lyrics, I choose to take that positive message away with me today and to share it with you here. Enjoy!
You Can't Always Get What You Want -- The Rolling Stones
Today, I worked on plans for the next few days, which took longer than I'd expected. Feelings were overwhelmingly anxious and vulnerable. Days like this happen, but can be triggered by grief -- even when one thinks it should be over, it raises its head again. . Such days occur less often and with less intensity -- today, though, was a bigger battle. Facing the feeling takes courage, something difficult to muster some days. I got several things completed and others underway -- even managed a laugh a few times. <smile>
A good friend once said that during grief one needs to be kind to oneself. Kindness is often discussed in terms of others, while rarely turned inward. Perhaps it is seen as selfish to pay attention to oneself. It shouldn't be. How can we expect to be the best person we can be if we don't care for ourselves? It makes sense that to be kind to others, we have to be in a good place. It is challenging to do this, but I'm trying in several ways. I can't say that I succeed every day, but I keep trying and attempt to learn from the less successful moments. That may be the key, focusing on moments rather than the whole day or week or life <smile>. Again, challenging.
A song that brings some of these thoughts to its lyrics is the selection for today. It was an official song for the 1996 Olympics. I love the encouraging nature of the lyrics and the gorgeous voice to let them fly. Enjoy!
The day has been one of challenges -- challenges to see me in a different light. I've been a bit on edge for a few days with little sleep only adding to the situation. I tried to make a new key for the house and had it cut twice but it just didn't work. I thought the neighbours would think I'd lost my mind as I pulled in and out of the drive every 10 minutes to get the key that worked and to try two new keys in two other trips. I was surprised that I didn't feel angry when I returned the second one despite paying parking meter fees that were half the cost of the key <smile>. I was very tired, but there was something that made me realize that they'd done what they could with the blanks they had. So, I moved on to the next thing -- getting my back readjusted at the physio. It will likely be sorer tomorrow than today, but that is the general way this process goes. Another situation developed in the evening. While semi-panicked for my own situation, I remained calm and felt the compassion needed for another. There was no malice intended there -- quite the opposite. After a chat with another person, I was able to see some of the absurdities of my situation and see it as what my mother called "an adventure." Some activities will be scary moving forward, but I've worked through similar things and managed well. This time will be no different. I just have to remember to breathe. <smile>
Panic can be quite intriguing when looking at its backside slinking away. Things can seem so small in retrospect, yet had some supreme power earlier. Perspective is fascinating. Taking one of those inner battles outside oneself can take away its power. Confront it head on and stare it down and its strength drains away as yours increases. There are still physiological effects that last a while -- adrenaline will do that. I'm hoping the sleep tonight will prove semi-restorative and a quiet day tomorrow will help things work well in the following days.
When thinking of seeing things through different eyes, I thought of a song from an animated movie. We all need to learn to paint with all the colours of the wind. Enjoy!
Working through the 'must do' list today, I managed to get a lot done. Still a whack of things to do in a couple of days, but things are getting ticked off that infamous list. The draft of one paper was sent off to co-presenters. It will likely change more as I practice over the next week -- seems things change up until a couple days before a talk. It does seem to flow better with the tweaking, which makes me feel less stress from that corner.
While working on another item from the list, I remembered something else that needed to be added to it. Well -- the list had gone into hiding. I looked in the two places where is should be, but to no avail. I then looked in two places where it shouldn't be -- still no luck. At that point, I was just frustrated with myself for managing to misplace this valued item. Frustration quickly turned into rage -- like not any wishy washy anger, but full on horrible rage. I'll admit to creating some blue air with a shouted phrase or two and I even stamped my feet. I can't remember when that happened last -- like years ago maybe. Shouting does happen some days, but stamping my feet? Interestingly, that physical movement seemed to help calm things. It felt a little petulant, but doing something physical can help to move through anger. Running, walking, or stamping feet -- all expend that energy that threatens to burst out of one's chest like something from 'Alien.' Just carrying anger around can do damage to one's psyche and body. Finding a way to get it out seems helpful. Now, I'm not saying that shouting and stamping your feet is a socially acceptable way to deal with this <smile>. Being at home, I could do that. If I was out in the big world, I'd have to turn away and go for a walk. When that can't be done right away, the anger can get carried around for a while. I guess this means finding another way to deal with things in the interim. Breathing would help here, I'm sure.
A line from a song came to mind as I reflected on the event (surprise!). Working to avoid such episodes, even if years go by in between them, is the goal. These lyrics provide a wish for such burdens to be bypassed. Enjoy!
The humidity remained high all day. It poured in the windows when I opened them to get some of the cooler air inside. Forecasts look like it will break a bit overnight and the temps will drop lower than in a long time. I worked on household chores and some of the polishing of papers to present through the day. Still more to do there tomorrow. Feeling a little stressed with the number of things to do in the next few days -- hoping that will subside a bit as we get through the 'have to do' list, which is very different from the 'wish list'.
I walked out to get some milk before supper. There was mist in the air that turned to very light rain on the walk back. It was refreshing. Others were heading out for dinner and wrapping up work for the day. While it has been hot and humid, the light is changing and it looks a bit like the end of summer. This is the time of year, just before school begins again, that we need to take advantage of the days when they are here to hit the beach or trails before it gets cooler and wetter for fall. A sort of summer swan song, if you will.
The song that I'll share here today deals with a weekend in a rural area. It does have a different feel than in a city. The video reminds me of concerts in a town I lived in in Saskatchewan years back -- chairs, tables and room to dance. Enjoy!
In the humidity of the day, I finally completed the draft of a paper to be presented soon. The order of some parts may need to change, but that will take some run-throughs to see if the flow is correct and somewhat logical. There will need to be a reduction in the amount of information that I have -- as in, it is too long <smile>. I aimed for a 15 minute paper, but have nearly that many slides to speak to, so will certainly be over the planned time. Hopefully with some judicious editing, the end result will make the points with adequate background. I will need to cut back by about 1/4 to 1/3 to get things to fit well. Otherwise, I'll be racing through and sounding breathless and no one will be able to follow along as they hold their breath waiting for me to implode or drop from hypoxia. <gg>
Editing an existing piece has always seemed easier that facing a blank page or screen. When taking a small section from a much larger project, it becomes more difficult to explain without background. Choosing the points that make the argument best can be trying when they are all so intriguing to me, that I just want to share. Recently, I likened this process to taking a 300 page thesis -- one huge book where the writer has sweated over every word -- and turning it into a 15 minute seminar. One has to choose the most salient bits only -- a truly difficult task. Letting a piece of writing sit for 24-36 hours can help with editing. That can give time for things to swirl around in one's brain or to hide for some time. That fresh look after a break can reveal what should be left out and what should be polished up for the crowd. Enthusiasm for one's topic is a good thing <smile> -- but needing to listen to the inner voice to cut back on the number of points used is key. Leave some of the story for the Q and A -- or to use in a chat with someone after the session. Better yet, leave some of it so the topic can be glued back together as a whole -- but at far less than the 300 pages -- and find a publisher. Choosing the single path in a complex journey through rabbit warrens can be challenging, but it can also be rewarding. Getting to the end point takes time and thought with ego firmly locked in a drawer.
Working with words is enjoyable. I've always liked writing, just not to deadline. A couple lines from a song summed up well my feelings today -- 'so much I want to say.' I saw the singer recently in an interview for some new music -- an amazing woman. Enjoy!
Words get in the Way -- Gloria Estefan and the Miami Sound Machine
If I had to sum up the day in a word, it would be 'waiting' -- many things resulted in delays to get me through to the ends I had in sight. The writing was a bit slow, but by the end of the evening, I have an outline that almost makes sense for the points that have to be presented in a week and a bit. I chose to work from home today in order to avoid the construction and hallway disruptions. I needed to focus and there are way too many things in the office to pull my attention elsewhere. So -- I remained at home.
I had a few errands to do today and they could all be done online or on the phone. I slotted these in after breakfast so they wouldn't pull me away from the writing later. It took until after noon to complete these. One online subscription renewal had a higher price than the mailed notice. I had to hunt for the toll free number to make a call and then to wait on hold until a service representative was available, all the while being reminded how important my call was and that my call would be answered in sequence. That one finally done, I moved on to pay two bills electronically -- not much hold up during that process and the software seems to have a short cut now if paying more than one bill. Score! Once that was done, the cable which had been pixilating like some wild dance of the fall leaves on a windy day, began blacking out. When I changed the channel it seemed to get its groove back, but only briefly. This has been happening with increasing frequency for 2 or 3 days. So, I called the cable service number. I was again listening to vile music (where do they get that stuff and why can't they have a decent audio for it even if it is ghastly?) and constant reminders that my call is important yada yada yada. I explained the issue to the contact person, who asked if it was occurring with both TVs. That seemed like question 193, so I barked a bit that I hadn't checked the other TV and couldn't let her wait while I did the work (actually the work of someone else to determine their cable problem -- and all for a rather princely sum that I pay them). <sigh> I hung up and went to reboot the machine on the other TV. It showed all channels with some minor pixelating every few seconds. I walked back down the hall, called the line and was again faced with the pseudo-tunes and numbing voice telling me the same thing over and over and over. When I got to a live soul, they said I'd have to have a service call placed. During the call the screen went to the wonderful "please wait while this loads" message -- on every channel on both machines. It was now in the disaster zone. The repair person would be by within the next 3 hours (granted this is a miracle so I was pleased about that). Ninety minutes later the phone rang with a recorded message -- thankfully I listened to it all, as I'd assumed it was the usual - "the repair person is on the way to you now" -- message. It was not. It was from the cable company telling me the problem had been fixed and to presa '1' if it was fixed on my screens, '2' if it wasn't fixed and I wanted to keep the appointment or '3' to cancel the appointment. Now -- how is one to run around the house turning things on in time to check and still be able to press a button before the silly message thingy times out? <smile> The issue was resolved and I pressed 3 to cancel the call.
Interestingly, while on hold trying to block out the wretched grade 1 music recital recorded on an old reel to reel that was transferred to 8-track that was transferred to cassette that was transferred to cd, I had a couple of songs run through my head. Each of the choruses had the same phrase in it. I settled on one from a wonderful female group -- second gen recording artists with super harmonies. It even is a bit relaxing <grin>. Enjoy!
Bright blue sky and warmer temperatures with just a hint of humidity returned today. A brisk breeze helped the combination feel less oppressive. The day continued in a positive vein. While there were some frustrations with the monitor after the upgrade of Office and e-mail, I managed to fix the glitch whenever it occurred. In September, I'll see if IT can find a more permanent fix. The items on the 'to do' list were completed by the end of the day. One item not on the list was missed, but I'll get on that tomorrow.
Having a day where things go well in terms of productivity as well as software, feels great. Often, something negative tends to colour the whole day. Today wasn't one of those days. I'm still not sure why some days things seem to spiral out of control and other days they move forward smoothly. Waking abruptly this morning didn't set a tone for the day as it often does. No feelings of being under attack by work surroundings happened. It was an overall good day. I don't want to deconstruct this too much, but I would like to know what might have tipped the scales today. Perhaps knowing this might help repeat such a day. If I could find the garden fairies or office gnomes, that might help to explain things <grin>. I won't question much further, but will accept the day for what it was -- great!
One of the songs that ran through my mind as I pondered the day, has a Canadian connection in the group members. The melody feels light and breezy and the lyrics bring a smile. Enjoy!
Thankfully, the humidity broke overnight. The day was sunny and warm with a wonderful cooling wind. Things are expected to change back to hot and humid tomorrow, but for today, we could breathe.
Breathing had a lot to do with anxiety today -- stresses to finish the course prep in time and to get the paper written that needs to be submitted next week. While I feel I got a lot completed today, I wasn't where I'd hoped to be. So, I will head back to the office tomorrow afternoon after a morning meeting. Perhaps that is a good thing, since it will be very hot to work from home for the next couple of days. I'll work more on meeting the looming deadlines. Then I'll try to take a couple days of non-working -- dare I use the term vacation? <smile> The stress of working to complete the tasks as best as they can be done, causes some interesting physical effects. My shoulders rise as I tense up while sitting to work on a project. I find that I sometimes hold my breath or only breathe very shallowly. Amazingly, breathing -- deep cleansing breaths -- can help to reduce anxiety, to stop it from escalating. I need to have a reminder with the computer -- a reminder bell or signal that gets me to take a deep breath or two and then return to the work. I've said this before, but just haven't found the right reminder. I'll keep looking.
The lyric that fit best in my head spoke about the need to breathe and trying to think ahead to breathe later as well as now. Hope that makes sense to others today. Enjoy!
Heavy grey clouds covered the sky most of the day. It was spitting a little late in the morning, and it was pouring so hard visibility was reduced just after lunch. All that water has just hung in the air with none of it evaporating from the ground. Luckily the temperature wasn't too high, so the humidex was uncomfortable, but bearable. Tomorrow may be a bit of a respite before the next stretch of much warmer, humid air arrives. This isn't my favourite weather, but it seems common at the end of August in this part of the country.
I've traveled places where the humidity envelopes a person -- where socks take days to dry. Bangkok and Singapore were challenging, even when we were there in the cooler and less wet time of the year. People from Australia visited there to get somewhere cooler than an Aussie summer. Now that concept was eye-opening. Tropical climates tend toward hot and wet, though. New Orleans or Washington DC in July can be stifling, with unrelenting heat pounding down from the sun and the humid swampy air holding all the moisture close to the ground. Breathing takes extra effort. The only upside is for these few days, my hair actually has some body. <grin>
The moisture today reminded me of a boat trip in southern Louisiana, which reminded me of a song. The video to go with the song shows the smooth as glass water and the bright summer sun, along with various critters that live amongst the cypress. Enjoy!
It is almost the end of a great weekend filled with activities. I went to a play that had an interesting premise -- Little Things, Big Things. It told the story of a nun returning to Ireland from Nigeria with a delivery to make to an immigrant from the village in which she had worked for years. It contains elements of humour and drama. Many characters were played by the two actors. The writer included the thoughts of the characters through speaking and often not in sentences, but more descriptions of thoughts or surroundings. It did well to follow the idea that small things can have big impacts. It was well worth seeing. The sign warning of language and mature themes stated "The play contains adult language. Lots of adult language," which made me laugh. They were being truthful. <smile>
Many small things over the weekend meant a lot to me. Invitations (yes, that is correct, two in one weekend -- must be summer <grin>) to visit with friends and the many small conversations, smiles and assistance from others during my outings. These do mean so much. I thought of the Olympics coming to a close and all the small moments that made big impacts -- the personal bests, words and gestures of support for competitors, hundredths of seconds or meters -- they all meant so much to so many. I've groused a couple times about the coverage of events, but I reflected today that these games allowed us all to take a break from the craziness of world situations -- just for a few small moments -- and perhaps let us become re-centred.
Thinking through this today, I heard one line run through my head repeatedly. I'll share that song here with a version sung by a man that has been highlighted before in this blog. Enjoy!
This evening saw a national televised event -- what will likely be the final concert by the Tragically Hip. The Man Machine Poem Tour has ended in Kingston, their home town. The lead singer, Gord Downie, was diagnosed with brain cancer and this tour was planned as his farewell. The PM was in the live audience along with many others. The Olympic events were superseded on the main CBC channel to accommodate this evening's concert. Fans from across Canada and even in Rio, watched and listened. In an unprecedented third encore, Gord thanked everyone there for their kindness and support.
While I've not been a huge Hip fan, I did admire the courage it would take to do this type of tour -- for Gord and the band members. It seemed that being in the audience also took courage for long time fans, as there were many tears during and after the show. I did see Gord in person once when we were dining at the same restaurant in Toronto. A colleague pointed him out to me, otherwise I'd likely have missed the man in the ball cap as someone famous. A friend has noted that this may be a good time to think about the work of the cancer society to support the amazing research underway to treat and prevent this and other cancers -- through donations, advocacy and education.
Finding a song for today wasn't easy -- they have a large repository of songs from their 30+ years. I settled on two that were sung tonight and interestingly, came from the same album -- Road Apples. Each speaks to me as saying something that fits the current situation of the Hip and Mr. Downie, in particular. Each showcases the poetic nature of many of their songs. Enjoy!
It's been a long time running -- The Tragically Hip
The community said goodbye to one of its own today -- a fiercely strong woman blessed with a way of seeing the beauty in the world. She was an artist who truly lived life to the fullest. She shared the beauty of life through her paintings and her books. She had received an honourary doctorate degree from the university in town. So, today at her memorial service, faculty members in full academic regalia formed an honour guard for her send off. The services recalled the parts of her life and being that made us smile and laugh -- the way a celebration of life should be. She'd lived to be 95 with children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. The minister spoke directly with the young great-grandchildren telling them about the caterpillar crawling along on the ground, looking up to the sky and wishing to be free. He explained the process of metamorphosis simply, noting the butterfly that emerged to be free flying through the sky. He then told them that they should look in the gardens in the coming weeks for a butterfly. That would be their sign that their great-grandmother was safe and happy and free. It was a simple but touching story that brought a few tears. The music during the service was stunning -- a music professor sang a lovely requiem. He later accompanied a local woman who sang "I"ll be seeing you" as the services came to a close -- her's was a beautiful, powerful voice that did the song justice.
I will admit to feeling slightly uncomfortable wearing scarlet and royal blue to a funeral, but most faculty are rather colourful, so I'm not alone. Tourists on the Main Street seemed a bit confused at the procession of academics headed into the church, until they saw the hearse, that is. People who live here understand, but those from elsewhere may find it archaic, cultish or just plain odd <smile>. I have been to many events -- celebrations of life and accomplishment. I don't worry about wearing robes to run across campus, but chose not to wear them to walk down Main to the church today, but rather put them on in the hall once I got there. It is a wonderful way to honour those we have worked with over the years.
A song ran through my mind during the services today. It just made sense that it be the song to share here. Enjoy!
Reflecting on expectations for the next academic year, that begins in about 3 weeks, filled much of my day. Planning for the needed activities to meet goals and requirements will take much effort. Many tasks are considered service -- the admin work that is beyond teaching and research. Spelling it all out in a group meeting today was eye-opening; understanding that it may not all be doable was sobering. I often write about my personal and work 'to do' lists and the inability to accomplish it all. That same realization settled on us all today as the list proposed was very ambitious. When worried noises began, we discovered the inter-connectedness of many of the listed goals, meaning that working on one item might involve two or three of the listed items. It was all in how we viewed the list. Rather than looking through panic and obligation, when things were presented as coordinated groups, the view became less stressful.
Several major changes are underway in the coming year. Preparing and delivering new and revised courses will be a huge undertaking. While the planning of these alterations is over, the operationalization is about to begin. Longer reflections will need to occur next spring to assess successes. Change brings excitement and trepidation. The Chinese characters for the concept put together the character for opportunity with the character for danger. That sums it up well -- definitely mixed emotions <smile>. Once the excitement takes hold, there is a need to try to hang onto some of that when the anxiety appears. It may help lead us through.
The song for today deals with a concept similar to that excitement -- infatuation -- which can be for things, ideas or people. The singer is one that regular readers will recognize as a favourite of mine. Enjoy!
It poured rain for almost 24 hours, with heavier rains during the morning today. So glad that I have the requisite rain gear for such days. While it was cool and wet, it is a good thing. The wild fires in the woods around Keji are in need of assistance from the sky as well as the water bombers and ground crews. The ground was getting quite dry and the grass has felt crunchy underfoot, a feeling that doesn't usually occur here until later in the season.
Work was filled with many different projects having tasks to complete. It was a day that required an ability to switch instantly between tasks. Even with that constant process, several important pieces of the larger puzzles were completed today. One could see the sky and clouds for one puzzle, the building and roof in another, and the landscape in another. None of them are completed, but things moved ahead in a way that showed something tangible at the end of the day.
The chorus of a song came to mind as I worked through the non-stop day. Enjoy!
Reading and planning for the fall term led me to a wonderful Ted Talk by novelist Chimamanda Adichie. She spoke about the danger of hearing a single story, noting that each of us is made of many stories. It comes down to stereotypical views of the world we live in. We can't each live or experience all lives. We can seek out the many viewpoints to any concept, place or person. We can be ready to be more open. We can be ready to let go of ancient ingrained views. We can be ready to understand the many splendors of the world. It isn't a dichotomous place to dwell -- it is made of much more than 'here and there' or 'us and them.' It may bring discomfort to realize that we've just accepted some hegemonic tripe about places and people, but that place of self awareness can bring us to learning of the richness of our world.
A song that seemed to say some of what I was thinking is shared here today. The title is a destination as well as a process. Enjoy!
Another Monday almost over. While being rather grey and drizzly, it was a fairly good day. Work moved forward bit by bit, but it did go in the right direction. There is a lot on the agenda for the next week, after which I am supposedly on vacation again. There are several meetings and a pile of prep work necessary to have things in place for September. The undercurrent of panic when thinking of the whole that needs to be accomplished, has the ability to send me into the vortex of doom. <smile> What is needed are some strategic breaks throughout the days and some new strategies of mindfulness to be more aware of when things start to go off the rails. Sounds simple, right? If only it were so. Breaking old habits is not an easy task. Learning new habits is just as challenging. But to move into a more managed way of living and working, one must find a way to change.
Being more mindful should include methods to be more aware of self and surroundings, to be more accepting of needs for short breaks and not to be driven by the 'to do' list. Altering daily life to improve productivity and positive approaches is a lofty goal. So far, things have been slowly developing -- understanding and recognition. These skills need to be honed while adding the tools to alter the situations and reactions. We'll see how it progresses.
A song that reminds me of the mindfulness tasks pondered was chosen for the selection of the day. The upbeat tune and simple lyric could almost be a mantra of sorts. Enjoy!
For me, mosquito bites don't make themselves known for about 24-36 hours after the bite -- but when they do appear, it is with a vengeance. They fester and itch like nothing else. Cream filled with antihistamine and calamine seems to help a bit. Bites last for several days like this -- huge red welts. The batch I am nursing now were likely received while watching the Perseid meteor shower the other evening. There seemed to be few bugs around except for moths and some large flies, so I didn't bother with the bug repellent. I should know better. If there is a mozzie within several miles, it will find me and then tell all its relatives and friends. I seem to get dozens of bites when others only get one or two.
Being itchy can be so infuriating. Concentration and focus go out the window and sleep follows them. Sanity can't be far behind for the grand exodus. A scourge of summer is the many biting and stinging insects and arachnids that become more plentiful. Thankfully, I rarely am bitten as I tend not to spend oodles of time outside and if I do, I've bathed in repellent beforehand. So, I have no one to blame but myself for my current six or so madness-inducing bumps.
A line from a song that came to mind today fits the idea of being bitten unknowingly. Granted, my situation was not at all the same as the one described by the lyricist. Enjoy!
Watching the Olympics has been part of each day for a week. I love the stories of the athletes and their families as well as learning new things about host cities and countries. The strength, commitment and ability of the young new names and faces is amazing and sometimes breathtaking -- yet always inspiring. There are older athletes back again for these games and several have shown amazing stamina well into their 30s -- another first for these games. For example, Anthony Ervin (USA) became the oldest to win Olympic gold in swimming at the age of 35 years. I love those special moments, when something unexpected occurs like the Danish woman winning the 50m Freestyle -- she kept shaking her head and rechecking the board in disbelief. It was a wonderful display of humility from which others could learn <smile>. Seeing parents' reactions can be wonderful, too. I've sat in bleachers at pools and cheered on family members and friends. It is an amazing experience even when at a lower level than Olympics.
One disappointment of these games is the coverage of all sports involved. I'm a fan of equestrian events, particularly show jumping. These are on the CBC TV schedule online, yet seem not to be broadcast on the main network channels or narrowcast on the many sport channels of the network. It seems the only way to see these is to watch online when the event is live, which is during the workday, making it difficult to do. My hope had been to pvr the events for suppertime viewing. I've complained to the network every four years. The events were on obscure sports networks for London and Beijing games, but most others have been impossible to find. The US networks may have parts of these, so I'll have to figure out their network schedules with the hope that the finals next week are available.
One of the fascinating aspects of the Canadian team has been the personal bests and national records of the younger team members. There are many who will be in full form at the 2020 games. Some newbies have seen stellar results with several medals. Penny Oleksiak became the first athlete born in the 21st century to win an Olympic gold medal in any sport. She has also won a silver and 2 bronze medals in the past week. In fact, all 11 medals for Canada in the first 7 days were won by women. It is my hope that this will help to shine a brighter light on the amazing Canadian female athletes at home. I've known varsity teams and individual women athletes who have won national titles, yet they seem not to be feted in the same manner as male teams and athletes. That does need to change. I'm not alone in this realization <smile>. We should be able to celebrate athletes regardless of their sex or gender. The selection for today is a montage of the past week with a great anthemic lyric overdubbed. Enjoy!
It felt like a long day. After a reasonable sleep away from home, we were up early and back on the road to get home around lunch time. We had some fun with a GPS app and interacted with the voice when it insisted we take the long way around. It eventually caught on to what we were planning to do. <smile> So -- Directions were fun, with only one place where I took the wrong fork in the road, but was easily able to turn around and carry on. The day began hazy, due to humidity and smoke from a major wild fire in the forest west of where we were overnight -- eyes are rather scratchy today.
Road trips can be quite invigorating, but also bring weariness. It is an interesting conundrum -- fun vs. fatigue. The scenery can be inspiring. Local culture and habits can show us other ways to do mundane tasks. Meeting new people can bring new thoughts and sometimes new friendships. It seems that the rate limiting step is getting ourselves out on an adventure. They need not be lengthy -- day trips can be as rejuvenating as a longer trip. We seem to only visit closer sites of interest when we have visitors from away. I suggest that we need to visit some of these places and play tour guide for ourselves not only for others. Another challenge to add to the list.
When driving yesterday and today, we took a back road to shave off some time from the longer four-lane highway system. The road had slower speeds posted and many tighter turns, but it saved us about an hour along with some heavier commuter traffic. Besides, it was much more scenic. Lyrics for the selection today discuss the joys of going off the main road and could be a metaphor for taking the road less travelled (as also noted by Robert Frost). Enjoy!
The day ended with a wonderful dinner and visit with a friend I hadn't seen for a long time. It involved a long drive and an overnight visit, but it was such fun. The weather cooperated and we ate on the deck overlooking the river and with a great view of the sunset. When it was over and everyone had headed to their respective homes, three of us sat on the deck and chatted away, while watching for the Perseid meteor shower. We did see several of varying size and brightness -- they were all wicked fast so turning to look in another direction meant missing that event.
When we first settled back to watch the sky, one of the other viewers sang a few lines from a song -- one that had been written after the singer-songwriter had viewed this meteor shower several decades ago. It is a song about the wonders of nature. Enjoy!
The day was filled with exploring viewpoints. Feeling stressed the past few days, I found that I wasn't being very flexible -- in decision making or in muscle tenseness. I had to take some time to look at things from different viewpoints before finding that a change wasn't the end of life as we know it. It is interesting that I manage to get so wound without noticing it until it is ready to make me fly apart. The anxiety mounts slowly in most cases and when I realize that I am physically and mentally tight it has been growing for some time. Learning to recognize early signs of stress will take some work, but intervening earlier could help alleviate physical symptoms before they need a physio or pain meds.
Dinner with a good friend allowed time to look at many societal and pop culture issues -- to view them from differing perspectives. That doesn't mean that we understand all other points of view, but acknowledging that they are there was calming. I came home after that chat with a smile and noticing the lovely breeze. It had been 27C (30ish for feel like temp). I prepped some things for tomorrow and decided that I needed to leave some items for the morning instead of pushing through it all tonight. That allowed me to recapture the calmer, relaxed feeling. Hopefully that will remain once I power down and head to sleep.
Making decisions or trying to understand alternate views requires some mental gymnastics -- looking at each perspective individually and trying to wrap your brain around it. A line that is often used in conversation came to mind, and with it came a song lyric. The singer has a great deeper voice that can be calming. Enjoy!
Sleep was overly elusive last night. It was 3:30 when I stopped looking at the clock. The alarm was startling when it arrived. I felt so slow at the office today, yet when I listened to myself I was sounding manic -- speaking too quickly and not stopping. It could have been the effect of caffeine on a very tired system. On the up side, IT helped with all things on my list and explained how to control what goes to cloud storage. Seems e-mail can only be housed elsewhere now, but all other office suite files can be wherever we choose to send them. Interface was working better for basics -- we'll have discussions next week about how this may affect other stand alone software. So, by bedtime, the work planned for the past two days seems to be completed -- not finished in its entirety but the steps needed to stay on time are done.
Being as tired as I feel tonight, I'm hoping that sleep will arrive earlier rather than later. Insomnia from stresses can be devastating if it occurs over and over again, establishing a pattern of not sleeping. There are a number of things to do in a short time period, so being on top of things with a brain that is ready to function would help me to meet deadlines. It can happen if the anxiety level can drop a few notches. Sounds easy, but takes a lot of work to get there.
Times like this make me think of lullabies. Myth has it that singing these calming songs will help youngsters fall asleep. I think the same should work for adults, though when middle of the night waking occurs, they'd need to be sung again. This, too, sounds like young children. The song selected to share today has a lullaby quality. Lyrics include allusions to needing to sleep and needing to deal with the stresses. The up tempo near the end could still work, though the drum solo might wake one up again <smile>. This is a wonderful cover version done with the original producer. Sweet dreams. Enjoy!
Golden Slumbers/Carry that Weight/The End -- Phil Collins (with Sir George Martin)
It's been an interesting day -- ups and downs, but fairly good overall. The day was sunny but seasonal -- so not too hot, just right. The return from two weeks away from work occurred today. It was good to get back and see folks. While I was away the computer system upgraded both Windows and Office. Much of my day was spent trying to learn how to talk to this new software. The plan had been to work on existing files to get things updated for September. Yet, the new system seemed not to recognize the flash drive so I brought the files home and did the work here after supper. Luckily, I have an IT appointment tomorrow for something entirely different, but I will be asking questions to try to reduce the stress this change has caused -- to many of us, not just me <sigh>.
Why do updated versions of software packages seem to change everything? Spending so much time to try to find where the ribbons and task bars are hiding requires a lot of time. Why are training sessions not de rigueur? If not classroom sessions, then why not have videos that are made available ahead of time for those of us who spend our days and nights 365 days a year using these packages? I expect the video version may exist somewhere, but the local admin folks could share that with us all.
During my time off, I really took most of it away from work. I had everything planned for the coming two weeks when things have to be completed and posted for the beginning of term. They say hindsight is 20/20, so perhaps I was supposed to work through the vacation more than I did. It would have taken a couple of days. So, now I will try to do some of the prep in the office where it should be done, but have a feeling that today will not be the aberration but the rule -- it is going to happen in my evenings at home.
Thinking through the return-to-work day and the idea that things should have been worked up earlier, brought one song to mind. It is a familiar ditty that says much of what I've been thinking about time today. Enjoy!
Why do people feel it is OK to ignore someone else? Someone who asks a simple question with no pressure -- someone who cares about another's well-being -- should not be dismissed as a bother. Receiving a silent treatment can be hurtful. Is it truly so difficult to even use monosyllabic responses? Leaving someone hanging seems an odd way to deal with an issue -- very passive aggressive or a type of weaponized silence. It is obvious that there is something going on in the mind of the ignorer. What are they trying to deal with? Are they ignoring their own feelings as well as those of others?
I have no answers to these questions. I have been on the receiving end of stark silence. I've often felt there is darkness involved on the other side of the conversation. It takes courage for anyone to keep the lines open for when the other person is ready to even just say "hello." It might appear easy to just walk away -- and there are situations where this may need to occur for self preservation. But in some relationships, that isn't an option. I've often felt that I just needed to be there for whenever. That doesn't mean that there aren't moments when I've wished the individuals involved were there to assist me, but feeling ignored is one thing and letting that fester into anger or hatred wouldn't do me any good either. Perhaps the other person is being silent to preserve their own integrity so ignoring not being ignorant or rude. Just another aspect of human communication that I don't fully understand. <smile> I do know that I dislike confrontation and often fail to let others know the difficulty their silence plays in my daily (and nightly) life. <sigh>
All sorts of song lines fit today's musings, but trying to find one with more overall understanding than anger was a challenge. I settled on one with advice for all parties involved in communication interruptions or breakdowns. I've chosen a video with lyrics included -- tastefully small and not obscuring the rest of the video. I did this as it seemed to be a period when this singer/songwriter was immersed in Dylan-esque pronunciation and phrasing <smile>. Enjoy!
It has been a productive day. Besides the usual Saturday tasks, I spent some time shredding and a lot of time working with the stamp collection. It was quite hot again today, so the trips to the basement to deal with laundry were welcomed. Just as the air outside cooled, rain and thunder arrived. It left fairly quickly, so windows are open again. Forecasts are for possible t-storms overnight, too.
I've always enjoyed sorting through stamps and finding new ones. I am a collector at heart <smile>. Each tiny stamp is a work of art describing culture, history, values, geography and so much more from all over the world. Whenever I travel, I look for a post office to see what interesting stamps they have available. I have been looking for public health issues on stamps for many years. These include breastfeeding, healthy eating, disease risk reduction -- and I have a small but special group of these from across the years and around the world. Popular culture on stamps can be fun, too -- musicians, movie and TV programs, books, comics -- they've all appeared on stamps. I love my rock icons on stamps from Canada, UK and USA as well as the US issues of country and jazz singers. Wonderful sculpture and paintings appear in my collection -- the Group of Seven, Van Gogh, Rembrandt, Inuit sculpture, and many new and emerging artists. I love them all!
The day was one that let me travel in my mind to many places. This brought a song lyric to my thoughts -- one that noted the whimsy and free feeling that this activity brings. I laughed when I thought of the title <smile>. So -- it isn't just my TV and flickering screens that have me travelling around today. Enjoy!
For the next two weeks, televisions will be filled with scenes from Brazil as Rio de Janiero hosts the first ever Olympics to be held on the continent of South America. While it is not without its controversies, as are any Olympics, mounting such an undertaking in an emerging economy seems long overdue. The opening ceremonies have focused on environmental issues, noting the need for reforestation of Brazil to counter the decades of rain forest destruction -- the very rain forest that feeds the air we breathe. A touching practical example was the planting of seeds by each athlete as they entered the stadium -- to create what has been termed the athlete's forest -- a future looking endeavor. It is the first time a team of refugees will be competing under the Olympic flag -- an amazing nod to inclusion. The inaugural laurel award was delivered to Kenyan runner, Kip Keino, now 76 years old -- and he ran into the stadium. This award honours a person with achievements in education, culture, development and peace through sport. This recipient runs a charitable home for orphans where they live, learn and participate in sports.
As the 10,000 athletes compete in the coming days, it will give the news cycle something positive to wind into their generally negative newscasts. Broadcasts of sporting events will supercede regular programming. That is not a complaint, since this allows us all to be exposed to some aspect of the games. Personally, I am not a major sports fan. I follow tennis and downhill skiing, enjoy equestrian, figure skating, and swimming events, and do follow the Saskatchewan Roughriders <smile>. Yet, every four years I find myself watching many other sports -- both traditional and new -- that show the world does move forward. I find personal stories of individual athletes inspiring from Eddy the Eagle to Yusra Mardini (a Syrian refugee who pushed and pulled the boat filled with 17 people for 3 hours after the motor had stopped, until they reached Lesbos). Each of these, and many, many others, inspire the world with their perseverance and positive attitudes. They are leaders and heroes, whether they win a medal or not.
I look forward to watching these games since they seem to be almost in my time zone for a change, though things do go later into the evening. It will be a good way to end a day. I had a couple of songs in my head while thinking of the games. Interestingly, they were both featured in the opening ceremonies tonight. The first one that I became acquainted with in its English version is about an area of Rio. It was some time before I heard the original version sung in Portuguese -- one that I prefer and will share here. The second is about the country. The version that I share here is by a favourite singer/songwriter/musician/poet (and yes, I realize the lyrics are in Spanish for this cover <smile>). Enjoy!
The Girl from Ipanema (Garota de Ipanema) -- Astrud Gilberto, Joao Gilberto, & Stan Getz
Reminiscing -- the brain activity that accompanied the physical work of clearing out stored items. I got through a few smaller boxes, downsizing from 2 large to 1 medium. Much of the rest went into the recycling bag and the donation bag. This dealt with office supplies and amassed committee meeting minutes from the external volunteer groups over the past years. A few key documents have been retained and the shredding pile grew exponentially. I have one further medium box of personal papers to complete tomorrow -- guaranteed shredding there. It will take a while to shred things with the home machine, but I have a week and a half before the next curbside pickup day, so it will get done.
Small steps -- the theme for the clearing process. It takes some time to sort through some items, while others go more quickly. While I know there are things that I'd like to hold onto, much of the material may bring some memories, but can be re-dispersed. I am glad that there are some wonderful community organizations that can take office and school supplies, clothing and household goods. Other items will be recycled as much as possible to avoid sending it to the landfill -- keeping sustainability in mind. Many of the items today brought good memories and reminded me of experiences and people that had moved to the back of my mind. Those feelings kept me moving through the task.
There can be some trepidation at opening a box or bag from the back of the closet simply due to the potential memories that may be unearthed. Even the good memories may become overwhelming. Thus, such days of clearing have to be days when one feels emotionally strong at the get go. It does feel good to move things onward. It is a long time between sessions with my current work circumstances, but things do move out, just much more slowly than I'd prefer.
A line from a song chorus ran through my mind a few times while working away today. It is all about remembering happy times past while walking. Enjoy!
Often when you are not looking, things creep up on you. It seems life is going in the right direction -- not perfect but with somewhat lessened stress -- when it all breaks loose around you. One stressful situation began late last evening when I should have been going to bed. Needless to say, sleep was sporadic. After help from an expert that situation is better than yesterday -- not perfect, but looking good for now. During the day, a conversation that usually helps to reduce stress ended with a transference of stress from the conversation partner, who was in a moment of heightened anxiety that came out straight at me. Though I wasn't the cause. I became the crucible to carry that stress away. I took that on, by choice, only because it made sense at the time. It did bring me down a bit, but I had another issue to address so just moved forward.
In my experience, stressful events come in clusters. Or, it may be that once there is one major stress we become more aware of the smaller stresses that might just pass by as momentary irritations at any other time. It became clear to me today, that choice is involved with becoming stressed by words. We can choose to take it on or let it go. Choice can be difficult with other major situations. If one breaks a bone, choosing to walk away from the stress seems senseless. In fact, stress can be positive and help us to survive injury and illness events. Embracing stress as a key component of life may be a healthy approach to survival -- physically and emotionally. It is a challenge, but it seems worth the effort.
The song selected for today speaks of the act of taking on the stress of others -- by choice. It is from a UK indie band. Enjoy!
A tired feeling filled the day -- not great sleep for several nights due to heat inside. It is much cooler outside than inside today -- we just can't get that cooler air inside. I headed for groceries and some school supplies. When I got home, I was looking over the grocery receipt and wondering why it was so expensive. As I went through the list, I realized that I didn't have the pet food in the house or in the car. It was left on the lower part of the cart when I returned the cart to the corral. It wasn't easily visible from behind. I returned to the store and there at customer service was my $20 bag of boy food. The cart wrangler had returned it when he gathered the carts. Only in a small town <smile>. I left my wallet in the child seat a few years ago and it was still in the cart in the corral when I returned -- adds to faith in humanity <smile>. Also, today's shopping list contained the brand name for shampoo, which was on sale. When I put the purchase away in the cupboard, it became obvious that I was supposed to have purchased conditioner -- there are several shampoo bottles but very few conditioners and I use more of the latter than the former. <sigh> So, yet another trip back to a store to exchange. (Another good thing about a small town -- at least it isn't far so won't use too much gasoline <grin>)
Lack of sleep brings a variety of thought disruptions -- forgetting and anxiety being two that seem common. This leads to the need to repeat tasks, resulting in reduced productivity, which can result in increased anxiety and the wheel goes round and round. Not being in the moment, that lack of mindfulness, occurs when tired. While we may be mindful of our internal tiredness, we can become less mindful of external happenings. When we are forced to see that we seem to be zoned out, the feelings of fear or frustration or any of a number of emotions arise. Learning to relax the mind without losing touch with surroundings isn't as easy as it sounds. It must be a control thing -- like Goldilocks we need to avoid too much or too little and find the amount of control that is just right.
Lyrics of a song fit the idea of working to change a situation. While more sleep may help me, there are still thinking patterns that need to be addressed. With will, time and work this can happen. Enjoy!
I spent some time sorting through papers from past classes while planning future classes today. The easy choice would be to do things just as I did last year. No one would know -- except me. Updating presentation of topics can help keep things fresh from my perspective. Choosing to try a different learning technique may help learning to occur where it seemed to be impeded last year. That involves a lot of extra work, but, more importantly, it means acknowledging not being the stellar instructor that is a more comforting idea. <smile> None of us is perfect. Each person learns in their own way, so what works for some doesn't work for everyone. Ensuring there are a variety of learning activities should help most involved to be able to contextualize content within their own experience -- or learn.
It is also important as an instructor to reflect on activities and interactions through the academic term. What worked? What seemed to be difficult? Why? Why did one concept seem less understood by the class even though I thought that my explanations and examples were complete? Working through such questions, can help me learn what I do that works and what I do that may create a barrier to learning. It can be humbling, but it is also exciting to learn. Course work involves being ready to learn as an instructor as well as a student. Being open to learning from students brings some unexpected findings -- a process that helps each of us understand how we learn.
Instructor and student roles changing from the traditional didactic format can bring tensions, especially when all players are not willing to take on multiple roles. Tensions between the concept of teaching -- which I see as a one-way communication format -- and learning -- which I see as a more participatory process -- can be challenging. Falling back into old routines often occurs when things don't go as expected. The title and lyric of the song selected for today came to mind while reflecting on the upcoming academic terms. Enjoy!
