Day 2-120 -- Forty Years Ago Today

Forty years ago today news coverage of the Fall of Saigon was carried around the globe. This was the first war to be broadcast into homes at the supper and bedtime news. I'll admit that we were like the stereotypical family, eating dinner from TV tables in front of the newscasts. I'll also admit to eventually rebelling and going elsewhere to eat my dinner without images of people dying and in severe distress. It just seems wrong to 'enjoy' a meal while watching others suffer.  Anyway -- the images from the end of the war as the US embassy evacuated are still heart-wrenching. People trying to get their children, some only infants, out before the Viet Cong arrived was difficult to imagine for those in the comfort of their living rooms.

Over twenty years after the event, I found myself in Toronto for a conference and I'd purchased a ticket to Miss Saigon -- just new in the city. It was stunning. I love the music and the story is one that we've sadly seen repeated in other parts of the world. The experience of being in the audience at this performance is almost indescribable. There were many moving scenes and situations; yet the Fall of Saigon made the greatest impression. During the scene the staging switched from the main characters to show the audience the outside of the embassy walls. Before I knew it, I found myself part of the crowd clambering to get inside as the last helicopter left the grounds. The scene was the last one before the intermission. As the curtains closed, the room was silent until the only thing I recall hearing was a collective audible sigh -- almost a groan -- from everyone who, like me, had been holding their breath as they had unwittingly become part of that historical event. It was emotionally draining, but still no where close to what the real event had been like.

Today Canada AM featured Thanh Campbell, who wrote an autobiography 'Orphan 32'. He was one of the orphans who had been airlifted by US and Canadian forces earlier in April of 1975. It turns out he wasn't an orphan after all, but he didn't learn of this until 30 years later.  The song I chose to share is from the musical. It is filled with many emotions much as I expect people were that day. Enjoy!

The Fall of Saigon (Miss Saigon) -- Original London Cast

Lea Solonga as Kim and Simon Bowman as Chris

Day 2-119 -- Fretful Aspects to the Day

Many items intruded today causing varying degrees of anxiety -- mainly because these things were outside of my control. Some of the issues resolved during the course of the day and into the evening. Others are still in the wind.

I've always been one to fret about things. I haven't considered myself a control freak, but things outside of my control can cause anxiety and worry. The current trend is to tell people not to sweat the small stuff. I find the phrase irritating as what may seem small to one person may be a major disruption in the life of another person. If it is likely to have an effect on you that could be negative, why shouldn't you feel concerned? Part of the 'fretting' may prepare someone for all eventualities. As I told someone earlier in the week, I was a Girl Guide and 'be prepared' was our motto <smile>. Some people are more able to internalize the worry so it isn't as apparent. I've tried that and do it to some degree, but talking through things can also help me. It depends on the concern at hand whether I will share or not. Really scary things are more difficult to articulate, it seems. 

While working away at the pile of papers on my desk a song came on the iPod that helped me to look at the issues of today from a different angle. It is one that often makes me smile and it did again this afternoon. The version shared here is from the early career of the singer-songwriter -- a woman with a powerful voice that comes through well in this song. It comes from the heyday of early rock 'n' roll -- those heady days when many struggling folk artists (soon to be greats) sang on Bleeker Street at the Bitter End in NYC. This is a definite anthem for those fretful days. Enjoy! 

Wild Women -- The Big Three (Cass Elliot, Tim Rose, James Hendricks) 

[Folk-rock history lesson of the day <smile> This group morphed into the Mugwumps with Elliot and Rose  being joined by Denny Doherty, Zal Yanovsky and John Sebastian. After a short time this second group split with Rose going his own way, Elliot and Doherty moving to form The Mamas and The Papas, and Yanovsky and Sebastian founding The Lovin' Spoonful. For any inveterate score keepers Yanovsky and Doherty were Canadian artists. <smile>]

Day 2-118 -- Calm Morning White

I woke early today after a restless night. It was cold overnight so it wasn't a surprise to see snow falling when I looked out the window. It was calm and quiet as I swept the snow off the car. The ground was wet and at the parking lot it was covered with slush and pools of water. It snowed for 2 or 3 hours. When I left to head home from the office this evening, there was no sign that anything had happened. Everything melted even though the temperature was only about 3C today.

Briefly the snow made the world white and clean again. Spring is a messy season with mud and dirty ice and snow -- all the sand and gravel left behind from coping with slipperiness of frozen precipitation. A quick respite with something clean looking was welcomed. It was odd to have the snow falling but it didn't make me feel distressed as it would have a month or more ago. It was clear that this snow would not last long.  A picturesque morning was a good start to the day.

The selection for today addresses the beauty of a morning. It has been around for a long time and has been covered by many artists. I enjoy this song in most versions, but really love the piano and acoustic guitar in the version shared here today. Enjoy!

Morning has Broken -- Cat Stevens

Day 2-117 -- Plans gone awry

Today had been planned to help me complete a number of small tasks that I need to do. Much of the day was spent responding to e-mails for one of those projects and then a visit to the office to deal with a couple other messages that couldn't be handled from home. Messages I sent yesterday did not reach their destinations and my Sent Mail file has been emptied. Needless to say the plans for the day were not completed.  So -- tomorrow's schedule holds many of today's undone tasks. I've made several errors in the days of future meetings that are being planned -- I'll blame that on the weariness experienced during the day.

It will take a while to normalize after the end of term and convocation. It always does. We all need to find that grounded place for ourselves and work to not be sucked into the vortex of silliness that is still within reach. There was good news today in e-mail, so it wasn't fully disappointing -- just felt a bit out of control.

A song from the dim distant past came to mind today. It appeared in mid-afternoon as the stress began to build. Interesting. Enjoy!

I Wanna Be Free -- The Monkees

Day 2-116 -- Dreaded April Tax Tasks

I spent the afternoon working on the dreaded income tax forms. I do use a software package to do calculations and help with some of the more cryptic calculations necessary. However, I do still file on paper. Much as I try to do things in a more paperless way, this is one where I don't want to switch. Several years ago, an error had occurred when the tax office was entering information from my paper submission. Had this been an online submission, it would have been a much longer process to get the error corrected -- if it would have occurred at all. It took several months to get to the right person who could go 'downstairs' and retrieve the paper copy and review the tax slips submitted, which showed one slip had been added twice at their end and I was being charged interest on a daily basis and receiving less than pleasant letters. <smile>  It all worked out correctly in the end, but I still hesitate to use an e-file system. Once burned, twice shy perhaps <smile>.

I'm not complaining about the taxation system, just that the process of completing the return forms can be somewhat intimidating -- not very literacy or numeracy friendly. I'm pleased that there are many people who will provide free assistance for those who need it. I expect as my return becomes more involved, I may choose to move the job to an accounting person.

Only one song came to mind today <grin>.  Enjoy!

Taxman -- The Beatles

Day 2-115 -- Some (almost) Down Time

Saturday -- that great catch up and chore-filled day. Today fit the bill -- laundry, vacuuming, dusting and finishing some overdue volunteer work. All that and there's still enough left over for tomorrow <smile>.  It was a busy day, but the pace was manageable and it has been a while.

Having a day without the feeling that dozens of people are clambering behind me demanding something can be such a gift. The more relaxed pace feels much healthier and is very welcome. Stress can be interesting -- it affects eating habits, sleeping habits, temperament and cognitive functioning. Finding the recovery time needed after sustained negative stress can be a challenge, but this weekend will be a solid start.

This evening I'm taking two hours to watch a biopic -- two guilt-free hours <smile>.  I've chosen to share a song from the movie with you all tonight.  Enjoy!

Walk Like a Man -- Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons

Day 2-114 -- Remembering the Earth

Many events around the world are marking earth week.  Locally, we've had a few things with more happening over the weekend. The weather has been wet most of the week, but ended today with sun -- cool temperatures but very bright sun. More snow and ice left with the rain overnight and the bits of sun today.  It is leaving, so is heading in the desired direction. Several big piles of ice are still visible almost everywhere. One more week to convocation, so maybe there will be less ice and the potential for spring blooms over the coming week.

A friend and I walked out to supper tonight and found a few south facing yards with gorgeous naturalized crocuses. It gives one hope. Mine are always a week or so behind the south facing lawns, so maybe I will see crocuses and periwinkles this year after all. We'll see. The weather brings thoughts of climate change and all the implications that carries with it. Trying to live as 'green' as possible -- eating lower on the food chain, wearing that cozy old sweatshirt or using flannel sheets instead of boosting the heat, doing laundry or dish washing only with full loads, and using public transit where possible -- can help the planet and its inhabitants.

The song I listened to this afternoon seemed perfect for the topic of earth day and the week of festivities. The lyrics cover the need for attention to the earth and to living things on the planet. It reminds me of a card I have on my bulletin board in the office with a photo of a clear cut forest and this Shakespeare quote -- "Pardon me thou bleeding piece of earth, that I am meek and gentle with these butchers." Something to ponder. Enjoy!

Earth Song -- Michael Jackson

Day 2-113 -- Another Rainy Night

Today was a full day -- work, meetings, grading, and running errands.  It seemed somehow pleasant, though. Much of the day was cloudy but the sun tried to push through early in the afternoon. It is now raining enough that the distinct sounds on the roof are very clear. It does help with the snow and ice melt, but the temperature is only just above freezing so I'm not too sure this will occur much overnight. Other areas have forms of frozen precipitation falling. It may just be best to go to sleep and see what tomorrow brings <smile>.

I do like the cooler aspects of Spring. Rain isn't really all that bad either. Living on the prairies, a rainy day was a day of drizzle. Most pouring rain occurred briefly during thunderstorms. Fellow grad students who came from the Maritimes found the sunshine of Winnipeg spring, summer and fall to be oppressive. They scoffed when we complained about a drizzly day calling it a 'rainy day.' Having lived near the ocean now for several years, I do understand what they missed. Days when it pours all day long, sometimes leaving 2 or more inches of rain before it ends -- and this occurs more than once during a month, particularly in Spring and Autumn. A single storm can often leave more rain in a couple days than the prairies see over the whole summer. I've learned to love these days. Walking in the pouring rain can be exhilarating. Mind you, even the locals get a bit antsy when the skies remain grey for more than 14 days. We all need a bit of sun, it seems <smile>.

I chose this song for today since it deals with rain, albeit metaphorically. It is a wonderful song from the first solo album of this former member of multiple bands -- he played with many rock legends as well as being one of the greats himself. He is still a favourite of mine. Enjoy!

Let it Rain -- Eric Clapton

Day 2-112 -- Feeling Free Again

The rain poured down from the middle of the night until this afternoon.  Still oodles of snow, but less than yesterday <smile>.  It was a good day to stay indoors and apply the red pen to the exam papers. Other good news for the day was that my car is running again. Some odd electrical circuitry issue. Must have been a loose connection since when they disconnected things and then reconnected them, everything worked as designed to do. I'm still a bit leery that something goofy will happen again -- will need to rebuild that trust <smile>.

Getting my car back in my driveway was a wonderful feeling. I have one errand that would take three taxis, so it is fantastic to know I can do it in less time on my own now. It isn't that I need to drive anywhere, but it was so freeing to have the option. There is a big part of me that relishes independence. I suspect all people have this to some degree. Being dependent on others can be difficult. For now, the car is running and I'm able to walk or ride as needed. Maybe not the best thing to celebrate on Earth Day -- especially when I work so hard to reduce my carbon footprint and advocate others do the same.

One silly song line came to mind when I picked up the car today. Hope it makes you smile like it did for me. Enjoy!

No Particular Place to Go -- Chuck Berry

Day 2-111 -- Strong sense of place and self

The last of the final exams I will grade for this term was written this morning. The end is almost in sight -- just a short stack away <smile>.  The sun shone today but strong winds and clouds rolled in by mid-afternoon. Sporadic rain began shortly after that. Total accumulations are expected to be about an inch or so here and over two inches elsewhere. Much snow is still on the ground, which may compound the current flood watch and voluntary evacuations in some areas west of here. We will likely see some minor flooding locally, as well.

People from flood prone areas often tend to renovate and rebuild to stay near 'home.' This is not unusual. Feeling spiritually linked to the land has been discussed by societies for millennia. We witness this after any act of nature or man that destroys a community. Perhaps this speaks to the strength of the individuals who choose to live where risk of such disasters is unusually high. Others may think this refusal to leave is a fear of the unknown; yet, I see it as a pioneering spirit that recognizes this one space in the world somewhere deep within. This same ethos characterizes a courage and determination that should carry one through the challenges that life presents.

If interested in reading on the spiritual connection with a space of land, I'd recommend the writings of two wonderful Canadian female writers -- Sharon Butala's 'The Perfection of the Morning" and Candace Savage's "A Geography of Blood." Each speaks to a part of Saskatchewan that I carry with me every day -- the southwest corner (Palliser's Triangle) -- an area that was home to dinosaurs and later to many aboriginal nations (see Savage on Nikineet band) and more recently to intrepid ranchers (who still gather and move herds by horseback with actual cowboys). Ruggedly beautiful, this land is filled with the spirits of many beings -- I've felt it as I've walked through the hills. I've experienced a similar sense of history in London and New Orleans -- both places that have survived through many negative events and rose again.

The song for today was recently written and featured in the television series 'Treme.' This series centred on the rebirth of New Orleans after Katrina and Rita. The lyrics embody the sense of place and strength that I've been pondering today. Enjoy!

This City (won't ever drown) -- Steve Earl

Day 2-110 -- An Unusual Day

It has been an odd day.  I managed to get through two major tasks on the 'to do' list -- besides grading <smile> -- and partway through a third item. That felt good.  The sun shone and there was only a light breeze.  After work I drove to the grocery store to retrieve a few fresh fruits, veggies and dairy products to help me get through the rest of the week.  As I walked out to the car in the evening sunshine -- that's when things took a turn into somewhere less pleasant.

The car refused to start. Put the key in, turned the ignition -- nothing. Not even a clicking of the starter. Every hazard light on the dash lit up -- many of which I have never seen before. I called the garage even though it was after 5. Luckily, my contact there was still in the office and he came over to see if a boost might help. Again, nothing. So, I called the tow truck and the car was taken off to the garage for the service folks to look at in the morning. My contact drove me home and even offered to pick me up for work in the morning <smile>.  Only in a small town.  He was able to take some of the pain and frustration away. Later in the evening the phone rang and the person on the other end gave me news that I hadn't expected.  Not great news. He has a very calm voice and knew what to say to help me laugh when I didn't quite feel like laughing. So, more uncharted territory to deal with there.

The only song that came to mind was for the imagery the lyrics contain. I've felt a bit at loose ends since  grocery shopping and somewhat like the boy in the tower <smile>.  Enjoy!

In Liverpool -- Suzanne Vega

Day 2-109 -- Incessant Need to Rank Others

Another day of grading. I do understand that this is a part of my job; it is just so tedious. Eat, sleep, grade. Repeat. Sorry if this sounds whiny. There are times when I feel like I'm losing focus -- being tired doesn't help there. I do like teaching in the classroom; I just have some philosophical differences with the global need to rank people by numbers. Is there really a difference between a 78 and and 81?  a 53 or a 48? Yet one might get someone a scholarship while another fails the course. Ranking numbers without noting significant differences seems so outside the academic realm. I do not have an alternate method to assess learning without assigning it a number. Even if I could convince people locally to do so, any graduates from here would be crippled when applying for grad school, scholarships, or jobs.

Why do humans need to rank each other? When feeling low, I often hear people saying that there are others worse off so we should just accept our lot -- an odd way of comparing ourselves to others. Emotional well-being is jeopardized by such comparisons. Modern marketing uses such insecurities to sell products that purport to raise us in the social echelons. I see students and instructors noting that person A received a higher grade than person B and assume that these are distinctly different grades. In many cases they aren't. Perhaps it is the lack of scientific evidence behind the grade system that really irks me. I've been told that logical thinkers will be distressed by the way the 'world' thinks. <smile>.  But, I work in the midst of academics and scientists -- so why can't we develop a better method of assessing student performance and learning?

Some of my feelings from today reminded me of lyrics from an upbeat song. The ability to choose to stand outside the spotlight would be great at this time of year -- yet it all seems to rest on the shoulders of instructors. Listening to this song does make me smile, though. Enjoy!

Super Trouper -- ABBA

Day 2-108 -- Just Another Saturday Night

Saturday night and what am I doing?  Grading the exams that were written this afternoon <smile>.  Some days the job seems to take over life -- who am I kidding? Most days. This exam needs to be finished by Tuesday when the next (and last) exam will be written. That requires me to work on this over the weekend. I do look forward to having all grades entered, but will do my best to live in the moment and enjoy the experience.

Exams show a number of things -- mostly they show which items students feel were most important to them (my exams generally come with choices for questions to answer). At the 3rd and 4th year level, exams can also allow students to apply what they learned throughout the course. These are the fun questions to grade. I've also been told that they can be fun to write.  Such questions allow students to use their creativity to address a situational question and respond using concepts learned in the course. They generally make me smile.

So, rather than procrastinate further, I'll share the song that came to mind tonight. While grading is no picnic, it can be a learning experience for me -- something that we should all relish.  That thought led me to the song of the day. Enjoy!

Saturday in the Park -- Chicago

Day 2 -107 -- Small celebrations

An outing in the rain this afternoon was my interaction with other people. It was to buy milk. The rest of the day was spent reading theses for grading. I find the slow ice melt fun to watch -- each day the ice recedes and new inches of ground appear.  I noticed that the tulips on the west side of the house are up about 2-3 inches.  The crocuses are still under several feet of snow and ice. Being on the north side of the property, they are often under snow longer than the tulips which get lovely full sun. This means that at least the purple tulips should bloom this year. I was afraid none of the bulbs would yield colour after the wicked winter.

The weather and the grading that gets completed daily make me feel like I should dance. Small celebrations, but they are well worth marking. Without a few minutes of joy, the tasks can become so overwhelming as they seem to become self-replicating (never-ending) piles of paper that I must read and then assign a grade. The next exams arrive tomorrow, so I may take time to watch a recorded program tonight so that I feel semi-normal for just 90 minutes <grin>.

The selection today  was one that appeared on my social media account. It seemed perfect for my mini-celebration dancing down the hallway. It is a great mash-up. Enjoy!

Shut up and Dance -- Walk the Moon

Day 2-106 -- An Ordinary Day

This was a mundane day -- nothing out of the ordinary occurred. Working on exams and reading took up much of the day. The sun was out a bit. A north wind brought a windchill to the near freezing temperatures of the day. My only outing was to head to the grocery store for a few needed items. That was unremarkable until leaving when the woman behind me ran into my heels twice -- a frustrating event. Where could she be heading in such a hurry? Yet, when I stepped aside so she could go around, she didn't. I'd turned around and likely glared at her and she seemed nonplussed, almost smiled back at me. I returned home to the laundry and grading. The evening settled in quietly as I continued to read and grade.

My reaction to the event at the grocery store made me realize how tired and tense I really am. I wanted to say something less than gracious. How could she not realize that she'd bumped into me twice? Perhaps she was in a similar place of weariness and was just running on auto-pilot, too. She looked vaguely familiar, but when out of context it can be difficult to place people. I got to the car and muttered to my self as I drove home. I hope to sleep better tonight and be more personable tomorrow.

The song selected for today seemed to fit well. The routine aspects of the day are expressed well in the lyrics and use of the accoustic guitar, though the lyrics do manage to dress up the day a bit with wonderful imagery. Enjoy!

Jersey Thursday -- Donovan

Day 2-105 -- Music and Emotion

Thinking and working today -- focussing on the numbers for grade calculations and preparing for the next final exam on the calendar.  Thinking was about music that was relaxing with several wonderful examples coming to mind. Some of the songs contain sadder stories of loss and pain, and yet the lyrics and melodies are breathtaking.  I will admit that listening to several of these songs made my afternoon.

Music can contain such emotion and can leave one feeling better. The same song can mean different things on different days -- yet is always enjoyable in its own way. Music is everywhere and some of it is less than stellar -- that elevator style music -- some of it simply amazing. Where a particular tune falls along that spectrum depends entirely on the listener. We all hear different things and interpret music based on our pluralistic experiences. Even so, many songs strike a chord with a large number of people, which moves the song into a place of honour -- those 'hit lists' that exist for various genres. Regardless of whether others love or hate the song, if one person enjoys it that is an amazing thing.

Today I'll share one of the wonderful songs I spent time with this afternoon. This version has two great singers -- an unexpected pairing -- and the treat of a guitar solo at one point. Enjoy!

Too Much Love can Kill You -- Brian May & Pavarotti

Day 2 - 104 -- Need to Relax

The day began with grey skies changing to wind and light rain in the afternoon. By suppertime, there was sun. The temperature has been warm and there is more ground visible than yesterday.  All moving in the right direction <smile>.

I spent the day grading final exams -- the first large batch of three sets. It is a difficult time of year, but we all manage to get ourselves through the process with various coping strategies.  I had planned to go for groceries, but I had found the groove and chose to push forward with the task. It is a binge-grading approach. After 11 hours of this activity, I was in need of something to relax and calm.  Music was my 'go to' today <surprise>. It always helps to relax and rejuvenate and then get to sleep so I can repeat the process tomorrow.

The melody that I heard in my head is the song that I'll share today.  It has lyrics with deep meaning and a lovely tune. The singer-songwriter is  a young man from the UK who has been featured in this blog before (see Day 217 for a selection that is sure to make you dance and smile at its irreverent lyrics). Enjoy!

Broken -- Jake Bugg

Day 2-103 -- Spring all around

What a glorious day!  Amazing sunshine all day with some southerly wind that made a light jacket necessary. The sun was melting ice and snow and the wind helped to dry some patches of water and mud just a bit.  The patch of dirt along my walkway is much larger than it was this morning. There were small -- and they are small -- areas of ground and cement becoming visible by early evening. I'm expecting things will progress further throughout the week. There is to be cloud and a small bit of rain, so less sun to warm the frozen parts of the world, but it will still help to wash away the mountain of ice in my front yard.

Spring smells different. The scent of wet soil is key to that odour. We do have some of that appearing. I'm not sure the crocuses will bloom this year, but as I say, never say never. <smile>.  I am missing those and the periwinkles and snow drops that are generally almost over by now. The rivers have been doing well with the slower melt, so little in the way of flood watches to date. All is good. <smile>  I like spring -- many people find it muddy and dirty and just want summer to appear early. I like seeing the earth reappear, plants emerging and trees budding -- all the rebirth metaphors. It means a bit more cleaning of mud splashes but that is part of the experience.

Today's song speaks to the changes evident at this time of year. The title shows we may be a bit behind schedule, but the process is the same. The lyrics say a lot and the rhythm reflects the upbeat feeling I've had today with the sun and melting. The version chosen features the songwriter. Enjoy!

Waters of March (Aguas de marco) -- Antonio Carlos Jobim

Day 2-102 -- Home Sweet Home

Being away from home even for a short time leaves me wanting my own bed and comfort of my own surroundings. I do enjoy travel and seeing people from elsewhere, but coming home is a joy. I've found as time goes by that two weeks is often when I begin to feel the need to be home. This time was only two sleeps, but it was great to walk through the front door tonight.  <smile>  The furry guy was happy, too.

A wonderful gift upon my return was to find that the sheet ice -- much like a skating rink -- at the end of the driveway has melted. An area the length of about 3 vehicles is now squooshy thick mud. That area has poor drainage, but the sun and wind will see it dry eventually.  Up near the house there was a small patch of actual dirt with grass -- enough to fit a single robin. That, too, will grow in the coming days. This week is to be sunny with warmer temperatures and a bit of rain, which will move more ice and snow away.

The song today was one I heard while waiting for the bus at the airport.  It said several things that I was feeling. The music playing there was delightful.  As I was leaving they were playing wonderful summery 60s tunes that made me smile -- especially the Beach Boys 'God only knows' which fit my people watching at an airport perfectly (as seen in Love, Actually) <smile>.  The song for today is much newer <smile> from a singer-songwriter that has been called folky and funky. Enjoy!

The Most -- Jon Troast

Day 2-101 -- A Day for Planning

The day began with an early start and an all day meeting. Much was accomplished in the sessions today with plans for the coming year laid out well. It is interesting to discuss future planning with colleagues. The small group work we did clearly showed we were all headed down the same road and had many ideas of what and how could be done to help us reach our end point. 

The part of planning that can become overwhelming is the thought of the amount of work one is suggesting be completed. We workshopped the plan for the next 6-8 months, which helped us to see what steps needed to come first and how these led logically to the next set of steps. The work is still there, but spread over a slightly longer time period, which made it feel more manageable and quell the panic that comes with the excitement of planning.

The selection today was a line that a colleague sang as we were putting the work plan together. It made me smile due its appropriate message for the meeting. I love this version with a fresh young voice -- makes me sad that we lost the ability to know that voice now. Simply gorgeous to listen to this one. Enjoy!

We've Only Just Begun -- The Carpenters

Day 2-100 -- late day meal

It's been a long day and I'm now tired and hungry.  Plans to meet someone for supper fell through when their flight was delayed. I didn't eat much as I was doing work things and waiting. We planned to meet later when she arrived.  I kept occupied with many things but will admit that I was very fatigues and likely over-hungry - by the time we went to eat.  It was a wonderful visit and good food in the end -- patience pays, it seems.

It is now rather late and I have an early meeting tomorrow, so this post will be shorter than usual. The selection for today was something that I was hoping I wouldn't have to resort to tonight <smile>. Enjoy!

Sing for your Supper -- Mamas and Papas

Day 2-99 -- Vimy Ridge Day

Ninety-eight years ago today, the battle of Vimy Ridge began.On Easter Monday morning -- April 9, 1917 -- all four Canadian divisions were side by side and supported by a British division. The rolling barrage technique that failed so miserably at The Somme, seemed to work well to hide the advance up the hill -- infantry following along behind the mortar fire coming from behind the trenches they'd just left. The trick was to advance -- too quickly and one would run into the friendly fire from the barrage, too slowly and they risked being visible to the enemy above since the smoke and dust would have moved ahead of the troops. The battle lasted until April 12 when the ridge was firmly in allied hands and Canada had moved forward as a nation and not just a colony fighting for Britain. Subtle outcome to a very unsubtle 4 days -- over 10,000 casualties for Canada and Britain , over 7000 of whom were injured. Four Victoria Crosses were awarded to Canadians, only one of whom survived the battle.

I first wrote about this battle in grade school, when it was new to me and those in my class. I chose this topic because of its significance to the developing nation of Canada and because my grandfather fought in the battle -- and came home. None of this was ever covered in our text books, which were published in the US. I found much information in a wonderful article by Greg Clark in the Star Weekly and the rest was from the encyclopaedia -- it was pre-internet days after all <smile>.  I've found this battle extremely interesting ever since. I hope to visit Vimy some day, hopefully for the 100th anniversary  in 2017. After all, that piece of land was given to Canada in perpetuity by France to become a managed historical battleground. More recently it was named a Canadian National Historic Site (1997).

As with all wars, there seem to be a number of songs that survive, each reflecting a moment in time. I chose one of these to share here today, one from the early days of the war to end all wars.

Keep the Homefires Burning -- Ivor Novello

Day 2-98 -- Loss of Focus

Completed the final class of the term today. It didn't go as smoothly as I'd wished -- we found some errors in the information on the slides that needed to be clarified, made a couple small errors in grade calculations, and stumbled badly over explanations a couple times. It seemed that most left with smiles and understood that we were all in a less than perfect place these days. Still, it was frustrating to me -- made me feel like I should have stayed in bed <grin>.

Feeling as tired as I do results in operating in a very scattered and unfocused  manner. Concentration is difficult, which means that errors occur. Some time to myself without demands from others will help -- it just isn't clear when that might occur <smile>.  It is the time of the year when taking some 'power relax' time should help. Time to listen to some tunes behind a closed door for 5 minutes can make things go more smoothly. I just have to get myself focused enough to remember to take that wee break. It will happen, I'm sure. Just running in too many directions at once this week. It will settle and allow me to focus soon.

A line from a song did surface during the craziness of the day. It made me smile in the midst of the madness. Enjoy!

This Just Didn't Seem to be my Day -- The Monkees

Day 2-97 -- Rushing, Rushing

Two classes done for another year. Well, the classroom aspects are done but the final exams and grading remain. Seeing things end can be challenging. I have one further course that will meet one last time tomorrow. There are some last minute grades to compile for course components -- I'd hoped to get these done by Thursday, but they will need to be completed for many students by tomorrow as the exam is only 3 days later.  Very odd to think that it will begin so quickly.

This time of year moves so fast with so much to do in so little time. This creates anxiety, fatigue and various stresses. We are all either giddy or cranky -- moods swinging wildly. It creates potential for miscommunication and hurt feelings. Luckily we are all so tired, we may manage to forget any indiscretions. <smile>

A couple lines from a song came to mind today as I was rushing to get the next set of numbers ready to distribute. It discusses the need to be mindful and breathe. Enjoy!

The 59th Street Bridge Song -- Simon and Garfunkel

Day 2-96 -- Differences not all bad

Just finished reviewing the final lecture for tomorrow for two different courses. One of them will deal with postmodernism -- revisiting what we'd explored earlier in the term. As I was looking at some slides I'd chosen to show for modernism vs. postmodernism, I noted the repetitive structure of Meisian modernist architecture. The next slide shows buildings like the Guggenheim, the Alberta Museum of Art and the new fronts added to the ROM and the OAG in Toronto.  I hope these visuals will help students 'see' the difference in the two philosophical approaches and then better understand how they inform research inquiry.

Living the the greyness of postmodernism seems much more comfortable to me than the binary world of modernism -- black or white, right or wrong. Instead postmodernism uses words like 'both' or 'and'  to show the openness and plurality of ideas, truths and experiences. I enjoy discussing this with students, and find that art fits so well into the discussion and explanation. Fingers crossed for tomorrow <smile>.  Not everyone will feel comfortable without the staid structure of modernity. That's OK -- those of us in the grey zone understand and accept your difference. If only you were able to accept ours -- but then you wouldn't be different. So, maybe non-acceptance is a good thing here.

In a conversation on an entirely different subject today, the greyness vs. black and white arose. We noted a song from the '60s that described this so well. Seeing my photos on the slides for tomorrow reminded me of the song again. So that is what I will share with you today. It was a protest song that spoke to architectural trends, urban sprawl and suburbia. And yes, it covers off a protest to aspects of modernism, too. <smile> I've chosen a version sung by the songwriter. I will admit that the song itself can grate a bit, just like the phenomena being described.  Enjoy!

Little Boxes --  Malvina Reynolds

Day 2 - 95 -- Outside the Norm

I've always considered myself a non-conformist. Much as I admire friends and family who have served in the military, I strongly suspect that I wouldn't have lasted long before running into insubordination. I don't take kindly to orders that I don't understand. Following blindly doesn't work for me. Ever since I was a kid, 'why' has been my main question. This question helps me understand the world around me and prepare to do the best job possible because I know 'why' I'm doing it. Recognizing the goal of an action helps me to work through it. Sadly, asking 'why' seems to frustrate people. It is often perceived as a challenge to their decision, even though that isn't the reason behind my question. Now not all requested actions allow the time for explanation -- emergencies for example. But in those cases, the reasoning behind the action is clearer. However, knowing the logical thought processes for non-emergent requests really helps me to understand.

Perhaps, being logical can be a curse <smile>. It seems that not all people think the way I do -- not a problem, but in my attempt to understand their thought processes, they often choose not to see mine. Others often label me obstreperous -- again, not my intent. Explaining my need to understand seems only to further muddy the waters. So, I find myself sitting without speaking when there are really so many things I'd like to say, ask or even add to a conversation. This silence also creates frustration in some individuals. Seems it is impossible to please people <grin>. The crux of the matter may be about power and how it is used. Opposing or questioning such power imbalances can create negative labels and misunderstandings on all sides.

The selection for today discusses being outside the mainstream. This difference isn't better or worse, it is just different. This song is from a musical that addresses issues of power and struggles. Enjoy!

Defying Gravity -- Idina Menzel

Day 2-94 -- Brave enough to choose

It's been a day of mixed emotions and very different social events. We ended the day with a non-traditional Easter dinner of shrimp etouffee and two wonderful salads - a corn and bell pepper with spinach and the other an asparagus with bell pepper and tomato -- with a lemon lime tart for dessert. A very yummy dinner with great friends and conversation.

Earlier in the day I'd been to a celebration of the life of a recently passed friend. The program involved tributes and music that invoked tears and laughter. The whole event was very moving and yet somehow fun. This woman had worked in the realm of social justice and adult education for her full career. She worked at the provincial level with Development and Peace in Saskatchewan and then moved to the national office in Toronto for many years. She moved to Nova Scotia and worked closely with anti-poverty organizations, women's resource centres, and the Coady International Institute. She loved music and was a member of the local female choir The Wandering Menstruals. She had a great sense of humanity and met life head on with humour, love and a bit of irreverence. During the program, members of the  Sisters of St. Martha sang two songs they felt depicted her life and her choices to dream and to love -- to be brave enough to make those choices.

The selection today is one of the songs sung by the Marthas. This one notes the fear of making the choices that will enrich our lives and the lives of those around us. Enjoy!

The Rose -- Bette Midler & Wynonna Judd

Day 2-93 -- Forgiveness

It's been a day of reflection. Though some grading and housework was done, my brain wondered off several times -- into a place filled with questions. Why do we seem to inflict pain on others with words and actions? Why is forgiveness a rare commodity? There are many events buried deep inside that still create pain and anger, so why can't I move beyond such things? We never understand exactly what provokes someone to be mean, and we likely don't fully grasp when we are being less than kind. It seems people often become wound up in themselves and lash out at others -- the 'all about me' syndrome.  We all have our moments, but may need to learn to be more mindful of our effect on the world. We also need to learn to forgive ourselves.

Forgiveness involves giving someone the benefit of a doubt as well as another chance. When inappropriate behaviours are repeated over and over, how do we let someone know this without causing them pain? I'm not convinced that 'letting it go' is always the right way to respond. Should a person be made aware of the pain they inflict? For some relationships, this is a necessity and should be easier to address (though this isn't always the case if historically problems have been ignored). Other personal links are more superficial or casual and may not lend themselves to a frank discussion. These situations may initiate the 'just walk away' approach if one can extricate oneself from that connection in the future. Again, not always possible. Advice I've often given is to be kind to each other. This might minimize the need to ask for and provide forgiveness.

When forgiveness presents itself, there is a release of sorts. A strained relationship becomes comfortable again. The song for today is one that understands this concept. I've felt the lyrics speak to both the one providing forgiveness and the one needing to be forgiven, even when they are the same person. The singer interprets the lyrics and music in a manner that presents the feelings well. Enjoy!

Sweet Forgiveness -- Bonnie Raitt

Day 2-92 -- Running and Hiding

Well -- the anxiety levels are rising. The longer days filled with time-sensitive tasks often cause psychological stress, which, in turn, leads to heightened emotional responses. It is equivalent to the 'fight or flight' response, but is prolonged rather than immediate.

This drawn out stressful feeling often results in anxiety dreams -- those feelings of needing to run away from something or hide from someone. It can lead to reduced ability to focus, increased frustration and much shorter temper. The degree of fatigue and frustration also leads to the inability to say 'no' because there is no energy to argue or explain -- thus the cause of the stress can be self-perpetuating. <sigh>.  This doesn't mean there is no laughter, as there is -- often laughing at the situation and my reactions. Without the ability to laugh, this would be even more hateful.

Lyrics from a song came to mind while shopping for groceries after work -- tired and hungry at a grocery store is not helpful <smile>. This song is by a band featured here often and the chorus lyrics reminded me of the situation I am experiencing with the morass of activities and stressers. Enjoy!

Run through the Jungle -- Creedence Clearwater Revival

Day 2-91 -- time crunch

I asked a colleague today if research had found a way to make the day 36 or 48 hours long. At this time of the term -- the ending -- there never seems enough time to do the things that have to be completed. Definitely, there is precious little time to spend doing all those other things one needs to do outside the paid job and all those fun things we want to find time to do. Sleeping and eating times seem too short. It happens twice every year and even with planning and practice, there simply isn't enough time for all the work. Why is it that I always seem surprised or frustrated when I know it is coming?

Einstein is said to have stated that insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results. I'm there -- along with many others -- each year trying to lessen the pain. Upon reflecting, I wonder if it is outside of our control. We try to alter things thinking that we hold the key -- that is, we are the reason that things get so untenable. I'm beginning to feel that the problem does not lie with me but with the system within which I work. There is just too much to do in a reasonable time period -- and do it well. This frenetic pace stretches across the last 4-6 weeks of each term. Everyone is just so exhausted --  we look like the walking dead.

A few lines of a song from the '70s rattled around in my head today. The singer-songwriter was amazing and did a great job on this number 1 song. Enjoy!

Time in a Bottle -- Jim Croce