For the middle of the usual work week, today certainly held it's own. It was a three meeting day -- one phone and two Zoom. One project nears completion of the current phase, which will move it off my 'desk' for a while as the next phase involved review by editors. Another project has me careening towards a closer end date than discussed 2 or 3 weeks ago. Not sure the newer deadlines are fully doable. We will discuss that at another meeting tomorrow with those setting the deadlines. that meeting saw forward movement but the next step depends on the time schedules of others. The third meeting was a check-in that helped put some things in perspective -- a weekly great help during this time when we can't meet in person.
Now, when I retired, the plan was to complete research that was underway. This will take three to five years of work. Work days were not ever intended to be everyday, all day as had been present in the previous 20 years. I have no intention of working full time and I fear that I may push back when this is demanded by others <sigh>. It is a self protection sort of thing. I love the work and the projects, but I do want to hold onto that new rhythm of being mostly retired. The past 45 days have affected that rhythm significantly, so forward movement has been far slower than desired. Focus has been difficult due to the uncertainty of it all -- something I have difficulty with at the best of times. Managing self-expectations for productivity and not messing with the schedules of others adds to the stress load from the world around me. I often say to others to be kind to yourself. Guess I still need to learn to take my own advice <smile>.
The selection for today was one that I toyed with putting on my answering machine while writing my doctoral dissertation <grin>. It has fit the overfilled agenda that has followed me throughout my career. Today was no different. New things for that major focus appear regularly. It is just the way life goes. This song has some fun sections and the tempo even feels a bit frenetic -- fits today well. Enjoy!
The day began with frozen precipitation mixed with rain. By the end of the day 6 inches of heavy wet snow had fallen along with a fair bit of rain. I walked out to do an errand and was rather wet when I reached my destination. I felt a drizzle of slush run down my neck as I removed the hood from my head. Walking into the nearly horizontal falling slush made seeing through the sun glasses difficult -- Yeah, I know, no sun, but it stopped the stuff from blowing into my eyes. I encountered ankle deep puddles at corner curbes and in a couple of places on the sidewalk. I was sad to realize that the boots I've had for while , which needed to be replaced for tread wear reasons by next winter, now have lost their water proof propoerties. Interestingly, this occurred in several places all on the same day. Hadn't had any trickles of any sort up to now . . . weird. So, today I was taken down by a pair of boots. Coat, mitts, scar, boots, socks and even jeans (hem area under rain pants) are hanging in various locations in the house in hopes that they will dry soon.
Discomfort -- physical or emotional -- brings with it a cluster of emotions -- frustration, sadness, humility, hubris, and several things that make one smile -- like the absurdity of it all. While it may feel damned uncomfortable, it is but a small thing in that grander scheme of the world these days. I do recognize that I see this from a place of privilege.
The selection today was chosen for two reasons. Firstly the title and chorus deal with how things today seemed to pile on top of all the other bits that need to be dealt with. Secondly, the name of the band said it all for me today. Stay safe. Enjoy!
Looking out the window today shows the sky and much else in a rather flat grey. the forecast shows spring rain mixed with snow for the next 24+ hours. This demonstrates the fluctuations of transition of seasons. People often call the warmer rain 'summer' and the 'snow' winter, but it really is just spring. Fluctuating temperatures are trending warmer. Summer will arrive as it should in the next 8 weeks. Until then, we will have many wonderful blooming plants, shrubs and trees. These help us see the normality of the seasonal change, something I've found quite comforting this year. They also bring hope.
The ups and downs of spring transition is not unlike our attempts at changing habits. Some days work better than others and even some times of day work better for us. Finding a new routine or thought process can be tricky. How we measure success needs to be realistic. It will take time. Some days backsliding will occur. Some days it feels like nothing occurred. Here, we need to be kind to ourselves. Some plans for the day may not be fulfilled, but time is never wasted. We need days where we do less than planned. Brains need time to catch up to the rapid fire changes and differences in day to day living that the pandemic and life have presented to us. Self-flagellation may not be helpful right now <smile>. We would extend understanding to others who need more time to complete tasks than they did a month ago. We need that self understanding some days, too. Show yourself the empathy that you'd show someone else during the ups and downs of productivity.
The song choice today has a wonderful chorus that says what we need to hear when feeling like we failed to get the plan completed today. We all do our best -- that is a superlative, so there isn't anything better than that. So, for those days when the idea of failure creeps in, recognize that we gave it our best for that day. Others may see that we have succeeded over time, but living in the middle of it can obscure our view. Be kind to you. Stay safe. Enjoy!
Sections of the I Ching cover responses to adversity. The current isolation does fit the oppression aspect of the teachings. The two main responses find roots in finding someone to blame for the situation or choosing to grow from the experience. The former may be the knee jerk reaction -- the dichotomous thinking -- either-or way of looking at life. If we take time to ponder -- that introspective reflection -- we may see that the situation isn't quite that simple -- the both-and type of thinking. Often there isn't one cause in these multi-faceted problems. In fact, public health approaches have termed these wicked problems due to their extremely complex nature; there is no single response that will fix the whole problem.
Many writers I've encountered in my field of understanding human behaviour (as it pertains to broader determinants of health and food choice) have noted that life is messy. No single theory will account for it all. Even feeding families brings a multitude of challenges. Currently, many people are temporarily out of work and some don't have a job to return to when the world opens up again. Food banks across nations have been clamoring to meet the huge increase in demand for services -- services that were already sorely stretched past the limits before the pandemic took hold. The increase in food insecurity in our communities brings many emotional responses. In whatever way we can, we need to reach out to help these organizations. Luckily, one very positive response to the pandemic has been ad hoc, often individual, supportive actions. It may be offering an ear (or eyes, if online) to listen to someone who feels alone. It may be starting a social media group to help people connect over common interests or to lend a hand when someone needs assistance. It could be a nod or 'thank you' to someone who moves to provide at least a 2 metre distance between you and them as you pass. The positives of humanity often show in times of collective stress. Much of this is always there, but during adverse times we look for the helpers and work as a collective just a titch more. A goal wold be to continue these actions once things ease a bit in the coming weeks -- to remember that we are all in this together.
Today the two selections exemplify the collective action in supporting others. Each fits the new genre of recording by distance with newer technologies. We see awesome example in social media daily. The first song is a cover by many Canadian artists that ended the national Stronger Together Tous Ensemble televised special, which raised awareness and funds for Food Banks Canada. This version is tight and stunning. The second song, which raised funds for COVID-19 relief in the UK. It was recorded at BBC Stay Home Live Lounge -- so another isolation video collaboration. This cover ever so coolly speaks to what adversity can do for individuals if we choose the growth option. Stay safe. Enjoy!
We had bright sunshine today. Air temperatures were coolish, but the sun was so warm. I picked up the grocery order, and while waiting in the car in the sun, I had to take off my light jacket. It was warm even with the breeze from the open window. I enjoyed the wait as it provided a good time to reflect.
Once back home, I found a message left on the land line. To my surprise, it was a former professor of mine when I completed my masters degree. I called her back and we had a wonderful visit. Neither of us sent out letters in December, so we had a lot of ground to cover. She called after seeing the televised memorial last night, which reminded her of the people she new in Nova Scotia and her past students from Nova Scotia. What a kind gesture -- just a check in, but it meant so much. Other friends have sent messages of support or 'thinking of you' greetings. These contacts help so much with the process of coming to terms. It gives me hope.
The song for today was chosen for those moments when the hope seems possible. I love this relaxed song and the three voices together on this one blend wonderfully. Stay safe. Enjoy!
Here Comes the Sun -- Paul Simon with Graham Nash and David Crosby
Today is Friday. Odd that a weekend is upon us -- the days all feel the same, so weekends don't feel any different than other days for me at present. I plan to try to do a couple of different things this weekend to make it feel more like 'off' time -- may bake, cook, watch a movie from those saved to dvr, or spend time with the new puzzle.
The late afternoon was punctuated by an emergency alert message on TV and phone. The message noted that police in the Halifax Regional Municipality were attending reports of shots fired in two areas and that people should shelter in place and not travel until notified. I was about to put my coat on and go for my daily walk. Needless to say, I stayed inside even with this being just over 2 hours drive from here. The alert and idea that something else was going down shook me to the core. When the 'all clear' alert was sent, the furry one went into hiding. It is loud and gets attention well. The police spoke to say that after thorough investigation, it appeared that two reports likely were based on noise from a construction site. A third dealt with two younger males who had been sitting in a car in the parking lot of a hardware store, passing an air rifle back and forth. The conclusion was that people may be a bit on edge after events of the weekend -- an understatement in my mind. The few faces I've seen this week look very distraught, trying to make sense out of the senseless.
Today was a day of remembrance for the 22 killed last weekend. There were moments of silence at three time points -- for the campus community and the two alumni killed, a national moment and a moment with the evening virtual vigil -- standing on porches, driveways, and balconies to be with the neighborhood. Condolences, spoken and sung, aired on a 2-hour, commercial-free national broadcast on all networks. It was quiet and calm -- just what I needed today and I suspect many, many others needed, as well.
Today I want to share a song and a poem. The beautiful poem was written by Sheree Fitch in response to the killings. The link shared below leads to a brief CBC Radio interview where she reads the poem and then speaks to what was behind the words. The song today was borrowed from a good friend's social media page (Thanks <smile>). It reminds us that we need to let people know we care and not wait for a perfect time. Another dear friend tells us this often. Heed the advice; do it now. Keep safe. Enjoy! Because We Love, We Cry -- Sheree Fitch (poetry reading)
The day brought positives along with disappointments.
I had a live talk with friend who dropped by to pick up something I'd borrowed before the days of isolation began. I stood on the porch and he on the sidewalk below as we chatted. It was disappointingly cold, so the conversation was shorter than I'd have liked, but it was so good to talk to someone three dimensional. I love my screen chats -- don't get that wrong, but seeing a person in the same space as me is quite remarkable. Who knew?
I took a few minutes two or three times during the day, and managed to find some more of the outside pieces that fit together for the huge puzzle underway on the dining room table. Just those small victories helped me feel I'd accomplished something and it was relaxing. Again, who knew?
I had three wonderful video chats with dear friends -- one down the road a piece and the other two in other countries, one of which is pretty much on the other side of the globe. Those are wonderful moments that fill my heart. I can't wait to be able to visit them in person and give them all huge hugs. Who knew?
The take out dinner planned did not come to fruition. A friend had to make a trip down the highway a bit and planned to bring back orders for six or seven of us. Sadly, the sushi restaurant has been unable to source seafood needed, so is doing other things on the menu, but not the sushi most had planned to order. The positive was being included in the offer to pick up something different for dinner -- friends are wonderful gifts.
The planned viewing of a live streaming concert encountered technical difficulties at the source -- weak signal created choppy video and audio. I managed to hear parts of the introduction to a song I'd requested -- such a meaningful song for the hearts and minds hurting after the mass shooting. So, a positive wrapped in the disappointment.
Who knew 39 days ago that so many things had been assumed or taken for granted -- speaking face to face with people (and without a mask), the joy and calm of creating small things, the comfort and peace wrapped in a hug, and the warmth of kind gestures by friends? Isolation has brought perspective with the ability to see what is important in our daily lives. What do we miss? Not the job, but the people and time to spend doing the everyday things that we often rush through or neglect entirely because we are too busy focusing on being busy. That, too, is a gift -- one we should hold close as we move into a new normal down the road.
The song for today deals with altering self and perspective. The video is a fun and uses a metaphor that plays on the key word in the title and lyrics. The band is from my former stomping ground -- Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. <smile> Stay safe. Enjoy!
Do feel like you are spending entirely too much time with e-devices? While being isolated, we are working on devices and laptops from home more than usual -- meeting online for work and personal socializing, live streaming movies, stage and screen musical and live short or longer events featuring musical artists. So -- we are into the screens for work, play and social connections. This means we are spending being sedentary. Perhaps we need to take a break to be more physically active -- do stairs at home, yoga or tai chi, or spend time in the yard or walk around the block. The screen devices even have activity classes <smile>.
So, in many ways, supports for daily life have become focused on flickering screens. I've spent much of my career, suggesting that we spend less time in front of these glowing lights. However, given the need for contact when living in isolation, technology now plays a major role in each day. We still need to use it wisely -- as stated by Edward R. Murrow (1958), "This instrument can teach, it can illuminate; and, yes even it can inspire. But it can do so only to the extent that humans are determined to use it to those ends. Otherwise it's nothing but lights and wires in a box." Granted, he said this in 1958 in relation to television, but I believe it fits well with current electronic devices. So -- take some time to disconnect from them for a bit during the day. Get in touch with you or those isolating with you. Even companion animals will be happy to see you give them some attention and not just read and speak to a screen <smile>.
The song for today became something different than my first thought of one critical of mass media use. Instead, I realized that right now, while we still need to practice sensible use, we really do need to be with screens more than I would usually recommend. And, no, I don't think this only to justify my own immersion online over the past 38 days. <smile> Instead, as a health professional and media content analyst, I find a need to support our current uptick in time spent 'online'. I have been part of several wonderful online communities in the past 25 years, so I do see where that social support we all need to be part of rests within the cyber-world. Without it, we'd all be in far scarier places in our minds these days. So -- reach out, but take time to look up from the screen, too <smile>. The selection for the day is by a singer-songwriter who lives about an hour from here in a gorgeous part of Cape Breton Island. It is from her debut solo album, with her previous albums being as a member of a family group. It states well what online connections during isolation can do for us and in turn, what we can do for those around us. Enjoy!
Today the sun shone most of the day. I worked on a writing project for part of the day. Later in the afternoon, I headed out for a walk. The temperature was a bit cool, but pleasant with very little wind. I managed to change a battery in a smoke detector without major difficulties. Each of these devices is different, so there isn't any 'usual' way to do this. The only common aspect is having to climb a step ladder to get close to the ceiling. Now, I have a bit of an issue with heights. Getting dizzy would not help accomplish said task, either <smile>.So, the day seems to have been fairly productive for a change.
After washing my hair, I decided to lay out pieces of a jigsaw puzzle on the dining room table. This one has 1000 pieces -- larger than anything I've tackled in the past. I was amazed at how calming even laying out the pieces felt. I found my thought turned back to my childhood, when my grandmother would do a puzzle on a Sunday afternoon. I loved sitting with her by the window where the light was wonderful and helping as much as a child could. That memory made me smile. This made me think of how solving puzzles can provide a sense of accomplishment as well as calm. Life can be like a puzzle, so many pieces that need to be put together and 'oh boy' if there are pieces missing -- like the cat pushed a few on the floor and chased them around the house. We need to find the pieces and build the picture, often without the puzzle box cover photo. Some pieces may fall into place without much effort, while others take forever to recognize where they actually fit. No wonder there are days when we feel stressed <smile>.
The song for today mentions the challenges of lives. It is by one of the early rock groups. Stay safe and enjoy!
NOTE: written a day after incidents hit the news feeds.
What is this? or more accurately -- WTF?? I turned on the news yesterday to hear the noon message from the Prime Minister only to see that the previous 12 hours had involved an active shooter situation about an hour and half down the highway. In this peaceful farmland area, the unspeakable happened. The numbers kept getting larger, but were staggering to begin with. By the time today ended, there were at least 18 dead in 16 different crime scenes. The shooter was originally noted as in custody yesterday, but we learned shortly thereafter that he had been shot. And that one RCMP officer had been killed. She graduated from the regional high school in the town I live in. I expect to hear of other links to campus and town as names of others are released. After all, it is a small world here.
As the tragedy unfolds, further deaths are expected. As if the tragedy isn't enough, the inability to mourn together will be challenging. Online vigils are planned already for the end of the week. It will take time for this to be absorbed. The song for today is about the grieving process. Stay safe.
I've been listening to and reading the work of David Kessler, whose practice has centred on grief. He has validated what I'd been feeling -- this isolation brought familiar feelings that felt like grief. At least he and Brene Brown have been unpacking that idea of late, since if we don't name it -- acknowledge it -- we can't begin to move through it, Grief comes as we recognize the loss of normality and all the mundane moments of our days.
We have no map to show us where we are or where we are heading. This causes stress and anxiety. Anxiety has been described by some as anticipatory grief -- all those 'what ifs'. With no one to turn to who has done this in the distant past, the world is learning as it all moves along encountering something Brown has so perfectly called FFTs -- F*cking First Times -- and we are all encountering these almost daily. I keep a list each year of all the firsts I've had with the goal to meet or exceed the number of my age. This has generally occureed within the month before my next birthday. This year, it will occur sometime between 4 to 5 months before the birthday. Again, with no road map for coping or planning or problem solving, we are forced to cope without knowing which tools to use. Problem solvers like me, tend to gather information, assess it and make decisions. Well, there is not enough evidence-based information to do this for COVID-19, so I'm a bit lost and needing to learn new coping strategies.
How do we manage expectations? I've seen what Brown has called "productivity shaming" -- when someone isn't working at home to the standards that others expect. We also shame ourselves this way by thinking that we should just be able to do this work as normal. But, things are not normal, so we have to readjust those expectations. For me, the constant battle with a 'to do' list, needs to extend the time period for completion of many, but not all, items. In short, we need to be kind to ourselves and those around us who are struggling-- this looks like fatigue, loss of concentration, memory lapses and such. I've also encountered what Brown calls "comparative suffering" -- noting that we feel sad, confused, angry, but others are much worse off so we feel we just need to get a grip. Our emotions should not be invalidated in this way or we'll never complete the work to get through them.
Now, there are positives. The shared vulnerability of this time can bring some positives. Walk into that discomfort. Our encounters with fear and sadness can come together with courage. Brave and afraid arrive together in one messily wrapped package. LSS -- Be kind. Be brave. Embrace discomfort. Look for the positives.
The One World. Together at Home television special carried a song that fits the blog theme today so very well. Stay safe. Enjoy!
Anyone else feel that this isolation thing is getting old or that the novelty is gone? It has left us restless and in need of being with those we miss so terribly much. To keep going into the next weeks, each of us must find our own source of motivation. Public Health messages are designed to motivate people to stay home and physical distance. People are wanting to head back to their old habits somewhat. The sparkle of the first week in isolation wore off quickly and now the adrenaline that kept us going has stopped, too. Yet, this isn't over yet. Mental health affects of guidelines have been recognized since the beginning. We are in a place of collective grief -- and we've been told to stay away from each other. That is counter-intuitive. We generally seek out social supports when in difficulties. With everyone in a similar mental place and overwhelmingly distanced from us in space, supporting them and being supported in return becomes a double burden. While it would be easy to give in to the petulant child in each of us and just go to visit friends for dinner or a party, this really won't help us or others in the long run. Our isolation has had an impact on the curves -- they are beginning to flatten. There will be further need to be separated, but doing so will make the whole process shorter and fewer people will be affected by the infection.
Earlier this week the Prime Minister noted that if we "persist and persevere we will prevail" -- besides the great alliteration in that phrase -- it is correct given all the epidemiology evidence. So, maybe this is the time we need to adult (and I do so hate using nouns as verbs, but this one just fits the context here <smile>). As Brene Brown said on a CBC Radio interview (April 9/20) -- "We stay well together; we stay sick together." This week was the 38th anniversary of the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, which has choice at its core -- choice to protect others and maintain who we are as a nation. So find the daily routine that will keep you moving ahead and connect with your supporters by distance. Believe me, it helps me get through each day.
I have two songs for today. The first is a song that would come from the place of our inner frustrated child. The second one comes from everyone else who our actions can impact negatively or positively.
What are you deeply grateful for today? For me, the moments of joy when I see other people walking or have the opportunity to smile, nod or say thanks when they step out of the way to leave 6 feet between us when we share a narrow sidewalk. Those bits of interaction mean so very much -- just one of those things that I took for granted a short while ago.
Since such tiny connections bring positive feelings for me, perhaps a kindness practice would help others, too. Ways of thanking people whose jobs require that they meet the public daily and those that keep the infrastructure functional -- healthcare, grocery store, pharmacy, and retail personnel; trucking, railway, and air transport workers that keep good moving to where they are needed; production facilities such as flour mills or factories retooling to make PPE; restaurants that switched to take out; farmers, fishers and ranchers providing quality fresh products; to all of these and so many volunteers helping to make the world better for neighbours and friends and stranger -- thank you <smile>. And, to those business that have been forced to close doors temporarily, I wish them well and hope to see them back in business on the other side of this.
At the end of the day, I've challenged myself to reflect back on the day and highlight three things that brought gratitude throughout the day. A focus on the positive may help to see the helpers and good news stories among the panicked messages that seem to be everywhere. There is good out there -- let's look for this and share it with others.
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The selection today is a song for those of sue staying home and those working outside the home. The lyrics have something for all of us from exhaustion to lack of motivation. Stay safe. Enjoy!
Today marked 274 years since the Battle of Culloden, part of the second Jacobite rising in Scotland. The rebellion hoped to put Prince Charles Edward Stewart back on the Scottish throne. The one hour battle led to 1500 -2000 Scots killed or injured compared to 300 English troops, and effectively collapsed the rebellion. The devastating loss, resulted in Prince Charles fleeing the English forces. It has been reported that he escaped by boat disguised as a woman. Fallout of the loss involved banning of the wearing of clan tartans, destruction of clan society, and imprisonment of troops and those suspected of having fought during the rebellion. Many men were sold into indentured servitude in England or the colonies of North America. Much of the older culture was lost in Scotland, but thrives in places such as Nova Scotia, where older Gaelic, step dancing and songs live on.
Lyrics of the song chosen for today describe the Prince's journey by water. The melody is hauntingly beautiful. The lyrics also are those translated from the original Gaelic. Enjoy!
Well, today held two phone meetings that helped deal with the feelings of not accomplishing anything. Two more need my attention soon, too. Later in the day, one major project was submitted. It felt great to see it leave my desk for a while as others assess its merit. I managed to complete sewing of two face masks. They aren't perfectly sewn, but they work and that is all that matters, to be honest.
On one phone call today, I tried to explain that alone and lonely are two very different concepts, even though people seem to use them interchangeably. Many assume alone means lonely. The two ideas don't always occur in tandem. Being isolated at home with a furry critter but no other human can be close to alone and is much the way I've lived most of my adult life. What I have felt often during the last 30 days, is close to loneliness -- like when i want to sit with a friend over tea or dinner at a restaurant or our respective homes, or to go for a walk or drive to look at seasonal changes of nature or an amazing mountain or ocean vista. That feeling is not alone, but closes in on lonely.
Connection with others can help with the stress of being alone at this uncertain time -- actually, it can help a huge amount. I've told people that calmness can visit for a while after chatting. I suppose this could be considered a healthy coping strategy <smile>. Yes. It is no where near the same as being physically together, but as the Prime Minister noted today, it isn't easy to isolate, but if we give up now because as a group some people seem to feel this process is getting old, simply means that more people will get sick and we will be isolated even longer. This is making a difference and it will become more apparent as the next few weeks should show. It takes us back to something I'm sure I wrote in an earlier blog --' the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few' (or 'the one') (as stated by Spock in various Star Trek productions). So, being alone will help based on sound epidemiological principles and theories. Being lonely needs to be addressed with strategies that will maintain current public health and public emergency guidelines as well as regulations around physical distancing and group gatherings. Many mental health supports are available online or from community agencies. Remaining isolated won't be easy, but it will help. So as the premier stated, "Stay the blazes home!" or as written in the full page notice in the weekly paper, "Step up. Not out. #StayHome It's time to do your part. Spread the message, not the virus."
Thinking of the isolation and alone-ness we are experiencing made me think of space missions and how they have the potential to lead to loneliness or 'home sickness' when missing family and friends. That brought a song to mind. Imagine <smile>. While some of the lyrics are a bit dismal, the first few lines fit well with both concepts -- alone and lonely. Stay safe. Stay home. Enjoy!
Recently, I've had recurring thoughts of the book On The Beach by Nevil Shute. It has a post-apocalyptic plot line. There are times when I wonder if there is anyone else out there? Obviously sounds of cars, outdoor workers and neighbours overly loud stereos tell me the answer is yes. Yet there are moments of calm and silence during the early morning hours that make it seem so surreal.
The disembodied voices on the phone today, small greetings while passing others during a walk, and video chatting with friends still offer no physical contact. A social media post today noted how much the writer missed hugs. I am so with them on this one. We are social beings and hug here and there helps things go along so well -- particularly on days when I feel more down than up -- like today. Virtual hugs help me to smle, too, but a real, live bear hug would be so very good right now. With time, this part of life will return. Getting to that point will have ups and downs.
The song for today shares a title with the book that has been haunting me. It is by a Canadian singer-songwriter. Stay safe. Enjoy!
Today brought several happy surprises. It bagan with some good news from a friend, followed by an afternoon phone chat with a colleague (a former student) and an evening phone chat with a local friend and a video chat with a friend from away. These helped to lift spirits. I went for a walk with tunes in my ears just as there were occasional raindrops. We are in the path of the major storm that has blown through the US over the past two days. Overnight, we epect major rain accompanied by very big winds. Due to the latter, there may be power outages. Trying to rmain positive about this one -- it will pass by quickly thankfully.
Surprises are very special. Lately, I've heard from several people with whom I've been out of touch for a short or longer time. What a gift!Being able to pick up a comfortable conversation even after a few years, is amazing. it indicated that these people are close in my heart. They made me smile.
The song shared today played during my walk. The lyrics reflected how I felt today. It was a good day, so this uplifting song just fit. Enjoy!
Getting through this time of isolation remains a learning experience. As an introvert, I enjoy being by myself when I choose, but enjoy the company of others, too. When others order me to be alone, it feels akin to being sent to my room as a kid -- lots to do, but I hated being told I had to be alone at that moment in time. For the past 27 days -- 4 weeks! -- I work to get through it one day at a time and sometimes, one hour at a time. Small tears occur on most days, with bigger tearful episodes present on other days. My goal is to find the positive in each day -- or if all else fails, to create a positive, which can be trickier to accomplish some days <smile>. Mental gymnastics are required on the harder days.
The selection for today was chosen for its positive outlook and the need to work through thoughts to get to a positive, but still acknowledge the less pleasant emotions. Thinking together can also bring positives. Keep safe. Enjoy!
The day brought many activities. I met with a former student online and we had a great conversation and catch up. Laundry was begun for the week with more to follow tomorrow. The disruption to my travel plans over the next two months and more, left me with feelings of sadness. Not fun. Neither is the excessively loud music from the neighbours any fun. <sigh>
The disruption to the usual quieter evenings of this time of year led me to ponder silence. I work to find that inner silence. Often activities with friends can help me find that feeling akin to peace. it is much more challenging to meet over food or a beverage and to share hugs and laughter at present. Not impossible, but there are differences with a screen to see and touch instead of the real people <smile>. This can make me feel selfish or worse yet, needy. Sheltering in place as a singleton in the dwelling is far different from those with two or ore in the home. There are challenges either way, I expect <smile>.
Those of us with one person who can help us find that inner silence and sit with it, are lucky. Those who have more than one such being in their life are over the top lucky. I am grateful for dear friends who help me regain calm in the midst of some inner (and outer) storms. Friends who can sit in silence and be comfortable or communicate without saying anything. This type of silence is such a gift.
The song chosen for today has lyrics that speak to the ability of others to help us find a place of calm. I find the rhythm and melody helps me to pause and breathe. Keep well. Enjoy!
I chose not to walk today as the wind was very strong through the afternoon. Rather than dodging flying twigs or other objects, I stayed indoors. On a phone call, I got caught up with a former student. We discussed life in general and specifics to our professional practices, sharing many practice pointers. Again, this was an example of the reciprocity of mentorship <smile>. I took time to check in with several friends through their social media pages. It feels good to hear what people are involved with in their daily lives. I baked some commercial rolls for the Easter meals in my house this weekend. While doing the evening meal prep, I listened to a podcast from Brene Brown, a woman I've always found to be authentic in her sharing of personal experience and research findings around several mental health topics. Today, I chose a topic that dealt with day to day anxiety and our patterned responses learned in childhood. This was from her podcast series Unlocking Us
Brown noted that anxiety is contagious, and thus often seen as a function of groups. It spread like wildfire quite often. Our reaction to anxiety a patterned response. Two major categories of responses include over- and under-functioning. Over-functioning occurs when an individual takes charge, micromanages a situation while trying to rescue others. This group ignores internal feelings and works to control their surroundings. Under-functioning individuals tend to withdraw and leave actions and decisions to others. One can be seen as 'tough or a control freak' and the other as 'fragile or flaky'. None of these labels is positive and may even cause feelings of shame.Each response demonstrates a type of what Brown calls "armor" -- the protections we put in place to help us 'get out from under uncertainty.'
Now, there is no shortage of day-to-day anxiety in our present situations. This is where calm needs to enter the picture. Brown's definition of calm is "perspective, mindfulness and the ability to manage emotional reactivity." That sounds ideal, but takes concerted effort to choose a reaction different to that we learned in childhood. To incorporate calm into our lives we can learn to respond in a calmer manner -- not mirroring the stressed communications of others. Just as with anxiety, calm can be contagious, too. We can practice slowing the cadence of speech, lowering volume and asking questions for clarification. This can help us and those around us. To slow our response, we can take time to gather information, think and then react -- count to 10, or take a moment to think before giving a response that has jumped straight to hyperbole. So -- my learning activity today will take work to begin to incorporate, but I believe it can be done over time.
At the beginning of the podcast, Brown noted a line from a song that made me stop and smile. Not only was the lyric so what I've been feeling, but it made me want to use it here today. "Don't push me 'cause I'm close to the edge." <smile> This selection takes us way back to the early days of hip hop. Stay safe. Enjoy!
The Message -- Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five
Any way to summarize the first 100 days of 2020? Interesting -- as in the Chinese curse, "May you live in interesting times." Finding positive responses to the negative situations is heartening, but the uncertainty remains palpable -- just below the surface waiting to burst forth. Like when I was walking down a sidewalk in the gorgeous sun earlier today and asked myself, "where did those tears come from?" There was no specific answer. We will get through but there will be moments when that belief is overshadowed by the anxiety of being forced to live in a very different and often difficult way.
In his daily update to the nation, PM Trudeau noted that 103 years ago today, Canadians showed their strength on a battlefield in northeastern France. That marked the first time Canadian troops fought side by side -- all four divisions -- along the trench system around Vimy Ridge. This battle marked a turning point in our nation's history -- a defining point for Canada as a nation almost 50 years after confederation. He likened the collaborative effort we see with addressing the COVID-19 pandemic to the comradery of the men going over the top to capture the hill. He felt our current community response to the situation would be another defining moment in our nation's history. Trudeau noted it won't be easy, but I'm not sure anything worthwhile ever is easy to attain. Not only will be taking care of ourselves, but we will be taking care of people we may not even know -- just by following public health guidelines. It will be a long haul, as we are now looking at late-spring or early summer as the earliest date when some things may revert to something closer to the past usual. Physical distancing is likely to remain with us for some time as the subsequent waves of infection appear. As I've been trying to get my head around for some time, life will be different on the other side of this. How it will be different is that uncertainty that creates the occasional tear.
As we all move forward through this unsettling time, perhaps we could draw upon the courage and bravery of past Canadians. Those who have served in our armed forces, emigrated from a faraway home, and the many others who have faced adversity in many guises. Hang on to that during the daily uncertainty.A song that highlighted this was an Alberta contest winner around the centenary of the battle of Vimy Ridge. As stated en francais, Courage. Stay safe. Enjoy!
I have felt off kilter for a while now. I know I am not alone in this feeling. Normal is constantly evolving. Every time I think I'm almost there -- it all changes again. So where is this 'there' that I'm trying to inhabit? We live with a certain amount of predictability, but that has changed recently. The situation is different from anything anyone has encountered. Science is still getting a handle on the situation. We are learning as we go. The rapidity of change doesn't allow time to adapt before further changes present themselves. We know there will be an end with a new normal, but for the foreseeable future we will be dealing with constantly changing directions. Granted, this creates stress, but we can practice self-care to find soothing activities throughout the day.
Tonight, I listened to a live streamed concert. The music made me move and smile -- both calming or soothing activities. <smile> There are other streaming events over the next few days that I plan to 'attend' to highlight the days. Our town often has concerts and live theatre events throughout the year, so this will be similar yet different -- together yet apart. The ability to participate in such social gatherings virtually reminds me that there are others out there. I am not alone.
A song from the concert tonight seemed to fit what I'd been thinking of throughout the day. It is from a few decades back and was written by a Nobel laureate. I particularly found the timely lyrics are "Don't stand in the doorway. Don't block up the hall." Keep safe. Enjoy!
Being isolated brings time to ponder many different concepts, allowing us time to examine preconceived notions -- things that may have or may be changing. Today I thought about home. What does that really mean to me? The places of my childhood and youth have changed over the years with homes not inhabited by friends or family any more. So, are those home? I decided today that home is an idea or a feeling. For that reason, I believe it dwells in the heart not in bricks and mortar. It is a place inhabited by self and loved ones -- wherever, however and whenever we are together, we are home. I can gather with people in video chats, phone calls or in my memories. Regardless of how we meet, it feels like home.
One group I've known online for 25 years has a virtual cabin or cottage as our gathering place or online home. In video chats, we can be in our house or that of someone else. To me the key feelings of home are love, comfort and safety. For many of us, being at our dwelling can provide such feelings -- a possible positive during isolation. Several songs were possible choices for tonight. One in particular spoke about going home again and gathering together. The lyrics also bring a feeling of positive things to come, so it seemed to fit my feelings these days. Keep safe. Enjoy!
I have been pondering resiliency again during this period of isolation. In a crisis, there is the immediate response to preserve life of others and self. If the crisis becomes the norm over a period of time, the more mundane aspects of life must be addressed. Of late there have been many musical artists online regularly playing an acoustic session from their homes. We've also seen actors reading poetry or books online, and an increase in the number of free webinars or online courses to keep the mind learning all manner of things. Each of these shows a form of resiliency -- a way to remain functional in an ever-changing environment.
I put the question to social media followers -- what was one small thing that they did each day to bring a smile or a feeling of calm? Responses were diverse with many expected and some less so.
Several categories of responses appeared. These included:
- Physical activity such as walking alone or with the dog, dancing, or doing yoga
- Media consumption by finding a song for the day online, streaming movies, or binge watching television series
- Reflective quiet time such as drinking a cup of tea while watching birds, and balcony or porch sitting
- Interpersonal interactions like snuggling the cat, hugging the dog, video chatting with family and friends, enjoying sunshine or telling a joke
- Creative pursuits like sewing, doing cross-stitch, playing or listening to music, singing, baking or writing a journal (or a blog <smile>)
Each of these is a form of self care to build resilience during a crisis. Most of us could look at our list of such activities and choose the top three. What do we need as support to do these activities? When will they fit into our daily schedules? Making plans to ensure such events occur will help us to quell the fear, anxiety or frustration that are all normal responses to this abnormal situation.
Small things mean a lot. The points shared by those who responded are simple and can bring pleasure and a sense of calm or even accomplishment. They add a bit of normalcy in an otherwise wacky world. A song by an artist from Halifax came to mind today. The lyrics fit well with the idea that small things can bring positive feelings. Stay safe. Enjoy!
Today in an historical message, Queen Elizabeth II addressed the UK and Commonwealth about the COVID-19 pandemic. While she regularly provides a pubic address on Christmas Day, there have been only four other occasions when she has provided a public address -- the Gulf war, after the death of Diana, Princess of Wales, after the death of the Queen Mother, and for her diamond jubilee. So, just five times in over 68 years. In her speech, HRM noted that isolation and separation from loved ones can be painful, but that we know deep down it is the right thing to do. She stated this provided an opportunity to slow down and reflect on this disruption to daily our daily lives. This may bring a renewed focus on what we find most important. I particularly liked her wish that in the future, we would be able to take pride in how we responded to this challenge, .hoping we react with "quiet, good humored resolve." Now we can join with people around the world in the belief that we will be with family and friends again -- soon.
A meme message on social media this past week purported to be from health care workers, noted that they were not our first line of defense, but our last line of defense. The front line workers include truckers, restaurant, grocery and pharmacy personnel and so many others working to ensure supply lines, communication platforms and waste management remain operational. It could be said that each of us is a front line worker. Our choices right now to self isolate can save lives. This reminded me of song lyrics written for a more localized crisis 35 years ago. Stay safe. Enjoy!
While doing housework chores, I took time for a cup of tea and a visit with James Taylor. He did a Q&A from the home out west where the family had gone for March break. Now they are staying put. That was interesting. Then I watched Oprah's Master Class in life with James Taylor. Both of these are available on YouTube. This second video was a great session. He spoke about the lessons he'd learned through life providing some great autobiographical content. Both music and addictions provided the lenses used to explore his life learnings. These included:
- Let yourself be rescued.
- Surround yourself with good people.
- Take time for solitude.
- Run like hell.
- Share your life.
- Satisfy your own spiritual needs.
- Allow yourself to be vulnerable.
- Sweat it out.
- Be there.
- Transcend.
I found several of these to mean a lot to my personal situation. In reference to taking time for solitude, he spoke about its importance in song-writing. I found it interesting that he noted that he needed three days with nothing else going on, during which he'd hear pieces of songs. In the day or days following, he'd push these pieces together. This sounded very similar to how I write, whether it is a blog, poem or research paper. It was so good to hear another submit to a similar process -- a creative process not fully within one's control. But, by taking time for oneself, the process can be productive.
While listening to these two videos, several songs played. I chose the two that meant the most to me today -- each being very soothing. The first fits the theme of an online meeting with friends this evening. The second has a calming melody and poetic lyrics. Enjoy!
The music industry has taken a few hits recently with the deaths of several artists. Kenny Rogers passed a week ago. I remember him early in his career with the First Edition, long before his successful solo career. Today we received news of the passing of Bill Withers, singer-songwriter-musician. Many recognizable songs were written and recorded by him, such as Ain't no Sunshine, a favourite of mine. Two days ago, Adam Schlesinger died, at 53 -- the youngest of this trio. He can be described as a singer, songwriter, musician, and producer. He was founder of three bands, including Fountains of Wayne. His death has been attributed to complications of COVID-19 and occurred in a hospital in New York state.
I hemmed and hawed choosing songs today. In the end, I went with two that also fit the global propensity to stay home to flatten the curve. The first was one of bill Withers hits. To me, the lyrics stress the community actions to support each other while being separated. The second song was written by Schlesinger and appeared on an album he produced for the Monkees -- Good Times! It has a '60s pop vibe. Again, it is a song that I can sing around the house these days <smile>. Stay safe. Enjoy!
In all the uncertainty, fear, sadness and anxiety at present throughout the world, I've been trying to focus on the positives happening such as the amazing community action and support appearing everywhere. Pulling together while being separated brings a smile to many faces. Some social media groups work to focus attention on something small and mudane, but conversations become enjoyable and calming. We need to thank the ones starting that calming train of thought. I've tried to take note of what is still within my control. I can support local businesses. I can check in with friends, neighbours and relatives all around this world to let them know we are still connected. As I've noted before, I can work at practicing self compassion as well as for others. I can limit my exposure to news channels and social media to control the anxiety inducing feeding frenzy of statistics, overwhelming visuals and prognosticating when there is not evidence upon which to base many fear-mongering news anchors and guests. Now is not the time to chase those elusive ratings figures. <sigh>
I've come to the conclusion that this whole crisis has affected me in ways I hadn't expected. Fun things originally planned are not happening. I don't feel up to them. I think this will come back. In the meantime, I feel the need to spend time with me doing the things I do for the reasons I do them. That would mean getting back in touch with who I am -- my self identity. This doesn't need to change who I am. Getting in touch with the inner strength can help to move forward rather than sitting around waiting for the worst. A tall order, but one that will help me to feel more in control.
A line of lyric ran through my mind over the past few days. Today, it made sense to me -- "I do this so the world will know that it will not change me." Take care of you. Enjoy!
NOTE: The video that accompanies this wonderful song can be triggering. It deals with a traumatic event from years back. The lyrics speak to our current situation well. I recommend that you turn off the screen and just listen to the words. Hope is there.
Day 16 self isolating or hiding from the world -- which ever works for you. I had two phone meetings and a Skype call to work on ongoing projects. In the evening I had two Skype calls with dear friends. It was wonderful to be in touch with several people in one day. It did help with feeling connected even when apart. On the upside, the weather warmed a bit today and we expect rain overnight and tomorrow. It may help to move away some of the ever present snow piles.
My schedule has been all over the place. Working at finding a new usual rhythm has been a huge challenge. It took a year after retirement for me to begin to feel like I had a new normal. Three weeks ago that all changed and continues to change daily. I make to do lists for each day -- manageable lists -- really they are <smile>. Yet, at the end of the day, very little has been done. I work best in the early afternoon, so I need to set aside time after lunch to focus on the writing projects. In the morning I can review new e-mails, check notifications in social media or prepare online grocery orders --things that take less intense brain work. <smile> Later afternoon should be set aside for some form of physical activity -- a walk, tai chi (relearning), yardwork, or house cleaning for stretching and lifting. After dinner would work well to set aside time to view recorded TV programs, to write the blog and to catch up with friends online. Maybe this would help me to develop and to get through a to do list. I expect I'd feel more productive. There will be days when all I want to do is watch movies, listen to music or soak in a war bath. That is OK. Self compassion does not come easily. Practice giving permission to step back at times makes sense. There is enough stress in a day without heaping self loathing and guilt on top of it all. So as many people have told me and I've told many people, "Be kind to yourself." Seems I need to learn to take my own advice. <smile>
The goal that I feel drawn to is to find a regular day -- that new normal will take some time to present itself. Until then, we need something regular to hang on to. The song title and upbeat tempo and melody shared here rattled around in my head today. The lyrics make note to be grateful for the many things we still have in life. I've seen this band live in many settings back in the day. Take care everyone. Enjoy!
