Day 5 - 180 -- Dancing into History

On this day in 1974 -- 44 years ago -- history was made when a young dancer from the USSR defected to Canada after a performance in Toronto. He stated the reason for leaving his homeland as purely artistic in nature -- the desire to dance with greater depth and breadth of material. Mikhail Baryshnikov danced with the Royal Winnipeg Ballet and the National Ballet of Canada before moving to New York city to dance with the American Ballet Theatre and the New York City Ballet. He worked as principal dancer with the great choreographer George Balanchine , much of his time there working with the prima ballerina Gelsey Kirkland. He later became the artistic director of the NYC Ballet. His later career has involved dancing with many modern dance troupes. I was sorely disappointed when I was reading a newspaper while in Regina for meetings, only to learn that the evening before the meeting he had danced there with the White Oak Project -- a brainchild of Mark Morris. I missed seeing him dance live by just >< this much.

Baryshnikov has starred in many acting roles -- on Broadway, in movies and on television. Many may remember him as the Russian in Sex and the City. He also played dance roles in the movies The Turning Point and White Nights. He received an Oscar and Golden Globe nomination for the former film. His focus on avant garde and modern dance has been carried  throughout his career.

With one major life choice, this dancer explored his strengths and shared the outcome with the world. He has been called one of the best male ballet dancers of all time -- along with other Russians Nijinsky, Nureyev and Vasiliev. I've only seen him on film from his earliest roles in the Nutcracker to more modern roles with Balanchine and Morris. I wasn't sure what song to share, but two came to mind. Each was the base for choreography by Twila Tharp for White Nights. She worked with music and the personal styles and strengths of Baryshnikov and Gregory Hines to produce duets and solo pieces. I've included two here today. The first is a wonderful duet that showcases the similarities and differences between the two dancers. The second has been used long ago in this blog and highlights the strength and artistic abilities of Baryshnikov in a solo piece. I'm throwing in a third segment from the same movie to show more of the strength of Baryshnikov. I strongly recommend listening to the full song for the film clip here. Enjoy!

Note: the movie also starred Helen Mirren and Isabella Rosselini.

Prove me Wrong -- David Pack (duet with Baryshnikov and Hines)

Koni (Horses) by Vysostky - (Baryshnikov dancing solo)

The Bet for 11 Rubles -- My Love is Chemical -- Lou Reed

Day 5 - 179 -- Excess Baggage?

The temperature wasn't too warm today, but there was the hint of humidity. The clouds from today will yield to the rain clouds of tomorrow, which will bring the humidity that is to make the weekend uncomfortably hot feeling. It is a long weekend, so many people will have outdoor plans -- it's the first long weekend of summer after all.

Just let it go. How often have I heard that as advice given to people? I'm not really sure that it helps those in turmoil -- seems a bit trite. Yet, when moving forward something from the past will be left behind. We can't drag it all along with us. Granted, there will be baggage, but no need to fill a huge moving truck with it all. Be selective. It will take time to pack up what needs to continue the journey with you and find a new home and to recycle what we can of the rest.

Files were tackled for much of the day today. Progress is being made in this process. I did feel that there were dreams that had to be left behind. While working through the sadness of a sort that came with that realization, I concluded that it might not  be actually giving up on dreams so much as a change of direction. Many ideas for research projects or papers to write went to the recycle bag yesterday and today. The dream was to do some useful and fun research and write papers to share those findings. That dream will continue to exist. The direction of the research topics changed over the years, so it isn't that the dream was abandoned -- it just changed direction. No regret entered my thoughts, just a wistfulness at remembering the path I'd laid out at the beginning. These ideas still bear fruit for study but it won't be by me -- at least not with the current research plan directions <smile>.

Learning to let go of past plans or dreams allows different plans and dreams to flourish. I decided that keeping the files of former plans would be excess baggage to carry forward. At the cost of excess baggage fees -- actual and emotional -- it seemed best to part ways. While some other files brought catharsis, these few felt different, leading to a wonderful reflective process. I chose a song to share that covers this type of feeling. The scenario in the lyrics is different than mine, but does speak to a process of change. Enjoy!

Letting Go -- Suzy Bogguss

Day 5 - 178 -- Still Counting

What is it that entices humans to count everything? The need to measure everything seems incessant. Is it part of some competition -- that need to break a record and be the top of the heap for some inconsequential reason? Is it to break one's own record? Maybe we do it for bragging rights. Counting, as a form of measuring, may help us to see progress -- some inkling of forward movement. Measuring progress or impact requires some mathematical contortion to determine if the phenomenon of interest is moving in a positive or negative direction  -- or maybe not moving at all.

As I've been working at culling the files, I have been counting the number of recycling bags I've taken out of the office. It is a meaningless number, as there is no record book entry that will be broken. I've seen offices that held much more than my meager archival nature has produced. While substantial due to nearly three decades of materials being housed there, I've seen offices that had paper piled over waist high in the whole office with a very narrow path from the door to the chair at the desk, which was also piled with paper though that was shoulder high or more. So, no way that I would match that record. And why would I want to? <smile>  I sometimes wonder if the counting is a way to keep me moving through the process -- as if to prove forward movement with the project goal. Or is it an offshoot of the anxiety that comes with change -- some type of OCD behaviour surfacing? I think it is an indication of the work being done -- almost like a reward. There certainly is no other tangible reward in store. I do know that I won't stop this counting -- at least not yet.

Lyrics that came to mind today involved a degree of counting. The melody sounds upbeat and happy, which took my mind elsewhere for a quick relaxing indie-pop break. Enjoy!

1 2 3 4 -- Feist

Day 5 - 177 -- Ripples in the Pond

Ever feel comfortable with the smooth sailing that appears in front of you? I've often felt I could relax a bit and just move forward without issue, only to find that some other being had a different plan. I've had a couple of small intrusions like this in the past couple of weeks. Last night I encountered another one. Just after returning home from work and changing into my 'clothes I don't wear in public but feel so comfy' clothes, when the doorbell rang. It was a gentleman who introduced himself as the contractor that would be replacing the town sidewalk on our block beginning tomorrow. I voiced my concern about getting in and out of the driveway in the interim. He plans to do the uphill half of the block first and then the downhill side. I'm located in the middle of that block. They will add gravel to ensure we can get in and out after the old sidewalk is removed. We can't park on the street as they will be down to a single lane and the street is only wide enough to have parking on one side. Where is it that I should park, I thought? Today I called town hall -- 4 different numbers -- none of which answered the many rings. I then called the one on the flyer -- that got me bylaw enforcement -- hmmm. That person gave me the number of the Town person in charge of the project. Two calls made -- to a cell phone that dropped the call each time. The contractor suggested I park uphill in the vacant lot. I pointed out this was private property and I wouldn't do that. He was going to check to see if it were possible. I'm going to ask two neighbours if I can share their driveway for the couple of days when frames and cement are in place. Bizarre handling of the issue -- and a flyer that had at least two major grammatical errors -- hard for this grammarian. <smile>

When talking to a friend about the parking silliness, a song ran through my mind. I visualized the intrusion as someone making waves in the calm waters. The lyrics say something quite similar <smile>. Enjoy!

Don't Rock the Boat -- The Hues Corporation

Day 5 - 176 -- Rain and Emotion

Skies were overcast with some rain when I went into work today. Forecasts told us there could be well over an inch if not two inches by tomorrow morning. The rain turned to light sprinkles in the early afternoon and after supper turned back to full on rain -- with wind. I found walking in the rain pleasant early in the day when running errands and walking to and from the parking lot. It was a gentle rain that fell straight down. That has changed to something a bit more angular. It should  clear by morning leading to sun and warmer temperatures.

The weather seemed a good metaphor for the file sorting I did today. The more personal files took much longer to sort through -- what to keep, what to shred, what to recycle. But these files had the added burden of major memories -- many good and some unpleasant. I brought many of these home with me tonight to shred here rather than have them in storage for another year waiting for the next visit of the shredding truck. I want to be sure they are shredded well. Files of work that involved less pleasant discussions stirred up some of the negative emotions felt at those times. Yet, some of the wonderful knowledge transfer events where I presented or attended brought smiles and reminded me that there have been many positives among the negatives. The myriad papers squirreled away in these files produced undulating feelings, changing like the rain patterns outside my window. It took a long time to wade through those, but it needed a good cleaning <smile>.  The next sets in the upright filing cabinet should require less time and effort, likely less emotional -- not free of emotion, just less intensity perhaps.

Sitting here typing, I was reminded of a rain song -- like you expected something else? <grin> The sound of the rain on the roof and then on the sides of the house as the wind gusts, holds a calming rhythm. The lyrics of the song heard in my head note the pleasures of rain. The recording sounds crisp and clean -- almost unplugged -- which matches the rhythm out my window tonight. The stills in the video portion also show the artistic side of rain. Enjoy!

I Love a Rainy Night -- Eddie Rabbitt

Day 5 - 175 -- Being Connected

Several things in the past few days have shown me that people are not alone in this world. Just when one feels most isolated, someone appears by phone, text, social media or in person. This isn't always someone that you know, but someone that carries that message that we aren't on this journey by ourselves. I've seen people rally around someone going through a difficult time both in  person and online recently. A message was sent to someone, just when it was needed, even when the sender wasn't aware of the impact their wee note might have. A note that lets people know that you find them important in past, present or future life can go a very long way. I've known someone to carry a letter of mine with them every day for several years. Imagine! I had not thought my story of the role they played in my formative years would have such a profound effect, yet it arrived when they needed something to boost morale. I keep a 'self esteem' file in which I place cards, notes and e-mails that made me feel connected to others. I can pull that out on low days and remind myself of positive events.

Ask others how their day is and then really listen to their response. Smile as you pass someone in the hallway at work. Say 'please' and 'thank you' even when what you've asked is clearly in the job description -- show you appreciate their work. Offer to help even when your time is full, let people know you could take some of that time and devote it to them. Such actions can have a positive impact on others, AND they can also have an impact on you. Social support is a reciprocal concept, so we need to know that someone is there to help us when necessary, but we also have to know that we can help others when they need it. These actions also increase our social connectedness. Both of these concepts are social determinants of health -- they help our mental, physical and spiritual well-being, yet we often tend to be so wound up in our own worlds that we forget to be a social being. <smile>

Lyrics that tell us that we are not alone and little things can help more than we'd think are shared today. The video is a bit busy and fantasy-focused. The beat is way up tempo, which can get people moving -- another way to feel better about life. Enjoy!

The World is New -- Save Ferris

Day 5 - 174 -- Heartfelt Loss

Where to begin? The day began sunny and turned cloudy by evening. Usual Saturday chores occurred and after supper I headed out to an '80s concert to raise money for a local arts program. While there we chatted with many people. One told me that two weeks ago a former colleague and friend had died. She had cystic fibrosis and this past year had been exceptionally difficult for her. This disease affects the digestive system and lungs primarily with potential to cause other organ failures. She was 37.  In Canada, life expectancy is close to 50 years and it is about 40 years in the US -- reasons for the difference involve transplantation rates, health care coverage and diet.

Her life involved many days in hospital and at medical clinics, yet she did so much more. She completed an undergraduate and a masters degree in nutrition and dietetics. She worked in several university departments in two locales. She took the most amazing photographs. Her strong organizational skills were enhanced by her creativity. She loved to grow plants -- flowers and vegetables. She did all of this while living with a chronic disease that she knew would truncate her life. That alone took great strength and courage. Just two weeks before she died, she married her best friend in a ceremony at the hospital chapel. She looked wonderful in those last photos.

One aspect of her life involved tireless advocacy and awareness building around CF. She wanted people to know what it was and that research was needed to find a cure. She also was an advocate of organ donation, since heart and lung transplants are more common with CF treatment. This is not a cure, but can extend the life of some people. When I began my career, dietary interventions were changing that helped improve energy and nutrient uptake. Higher fat diets were used by Dr. Crozier at The Hospital for Sick Children in the 1970s. This along with better treatment modalities extended life expectancy considerably -- from the mid- to late-teens into adulthood. But there is still a long way to go.

The song I share tonight is for her. The video is specific to CF and the lyrics describe my friend's life well. Enjoy!

NOTE: This is a video from the US. In Canada,  use the URL https://www.cysticfibrosis.ca/

I Lived -- OneDirection

Day 5 - 173 -- Wonderful Friday Events

This Friday brought many smiles and lots of laughter. The sun shone most of the day with warm temperatures. Software issues entered the realm of the absurd today with the third such problem arising. The week began with internal software, moved on to printer-system arguments and added an external software for data collection failing to function as expected so my data had to be taken through a phone interview. That was just silly. The printer and my computer were arguing again today, with the computer choosing a printer that is not set as default. Even when the former printer was deleted, the computer insisted on trying to connect to it. If it were consistently not working that would be one thing, but it sporadically works, so I just never know when I log into the printer if it will have jobs listed or if they have been sent into the nethersphere. The situation made me a bit punchy so I laughed a lot at the weirdness.

Chatting with friends at work and at the pub after work was pleasant. My favourite mobile food business has returned at a new location beginning tonight. The pizza there is wonderful. It was great to chat with the owner and find out what he'd been up to since closing for the winter last December. With new construction occurring on the parcel of land the pizza business would occupy on Fridays, he had to find a new place to set up. Thankfully, it is about a block further than where he had been before --still very easy to access on the way home from work. <smile> Other little things made me laugh instead of yell today. All in all, the day held the good feelings that I had when I began today -- not bad for the first full day of summer.

On the morning show today, I heard a new-to-me Canadian singer-songwriter. The song lyrics caught my attention first since these words supported my belief of the power of music and songs -- the reason this blog is written as it is. Even the word 'soundtrack' -- part of the blog title -- is used in the lyrics. Enjoy!

What a Song Should Do -- Tim Hicks


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1bpT5WSs3s

Day 5 - 172 -- Summer and Celebration

Summer began here just after 7 AM. The day has been sunny with some puffy clouds most of the day -- once the rain clouds moved east. The last remnants of the sun are still visible in the sky with full sunset not likely until after 8 PM. The down side is that there is a frost warning in the highlands of Cape Breton. Yesterday I got my first chard and asparagus from our local growers. The chard played a central roll in supper tonight. The huge bag sweats down to make two large servings -- one for today and one to reheat tomorrow. The multi-coloured variety was so pretty as well as tasty.

Thinking of the summer festivals and events of the next two months again reminds me how we cram so much into July and August. I look forward to local day trips, summer theatre, and gatherings around food. New blooms are beginning, too -- day lilies began today in my yard and the peonies buds are swelling. Those are signs of summer to me. Other flowers have bloomed on campus, making any walk interesting. I look forward to the rest of the plants showing their colours.

Today is National Indigenous Peoples Day in Canada. The celebrations are a wonderful kick off to summer. I found an interesting mixture of local music genres to share with you tonight. This was recorded while the two bands waited to perform at the 100th Anniversary of the Battle of Vimy Ridge -- in France in early April 2017. I found the collaboration positive and fun. Enjoy!

RCMP Pipes and Drums with Sons of Membertou

Day 5 - 171 -- Big Blue Sky

While walking across campus to meetings today and when running around the building by the big windows, there it was -- an expansive blue sky with a few cirrus clouds and so many jet contrails. It was gorgeous. There was a bit of a breeze that brushed my face while walking outside. All this helped me remain centred as I ran from building to building to get my ID card updated. Seems we can now use this to swipe in and out of the copier/printer/scanner device. This sure beats having to punch in a lengthy username and password on a finicky touch screen. Registration kerfuffles continued today, but nothing that was too challenging. In fact the requests slowed as the afternoon wore on, leaving me time to do a few other small things from the 'to do' list.

Sunshine and blue sky can be so uplifting -- well as long as the temperature isn't oppressive. Today was pleasant even warmer than past days, but not so hot that I wanted to hide at the mall in the a/c air <smile>. It is nice to see the sun as we arrive closer to the longest day of the year. With major cloud cover this could seem to be twilight all day rather than really noticing the length of the day. Summer seems ready to arrive based on the temperature and sunshine of the day. I'm ready to make friends as long as it doesn't try to make me fry or melt. We'll see. <smile>

A song came to mind that I'd heard in a lovely acoustic version (that, of course, is not anywhere to be found online <sigh>). Lyrics relate to the great blue sky I encountered today. The song is from a Broadway musical. Enjoy!

For Forever -- Ben Platt

Day 5 - 170 -- Disturbed Sleep

Wow -- another long day, but not all negative feeling. A wonderful workshop was held in the morning to discuss class absences. We have a long way to go to move past 'us and them' but there are glimmers of hope out there <smile>. More registration silliness to contend with, but fewer than yesterday --still too many due to software issues. Last event of the day was a physio visit to address the neck, shoulder and head pain. I feel a bit better now than earlier in the day, so hope sleep will work tonight.

Sleep. For the last 2 -- almost 3 actually -- weeks, sleep has been disrupted. Waking up freezing due to sweat soaked pjs, is far from pleasant. The last two nights have been outright silly. I woke so many times, I lost count. Now, not always fully awake, but surfacing enough to know I'm awake and fidgeting to find a comfy position to get back to sleep. Over and over and over. Yes, the ObGyn had told me the average for this behaviour was 3 years. That was 8 or so years ago. So, looks like night sweats are with me for the duration. Summer weather makes these more prominent. But the wakefulness and thus, lack of REM sleep is unbearable. I'm walking in a fog and trying to function well enough to make decisions that affect the lives of others. It isn't easy with inadequate rest. I've had one solid night's sleep in the last almost 3 weeks. Reading research in this area can be disturbing in itself. While it was a small sample size, one study noted that sleep studies with women showed they 'surfaced' on average once every 8 minutes. EIGHT minutes. As an average, that means some woke less often but some actually woke more often. Really? No wonder I wander around looking for lost words feeling like I should just sit down and rest. <sigh>  I've often said I swear it is less than 15 minutes between waking episodes, so knowing others have experienced this helps a bit -- a very small bit.

Lyrics from a song suit my feelings and thoughts today. The disconnect between understanding an issue and laying blame for the issue seemed a bit disturbing at times today -- little desire to look inward for that understanding. The forced multiple intermissions with sleep has left my brain semi-functional at best. The lyrics mention the hot and cold issue, being obsessed with everybody else, and difficulties with communication that occur with fatigue. See why I thought it was perfect for today? <smile>. Enjoy!

Disconnected -- Pink

Day 5 - 169 -- Feet not touching the ground

Where to begin? It is Monday and course registration began today. That sums up the craziness of the day. Many e-mails required us to over-ride software difficulties.Several others needed assistance with course selections for the next academic year. These are things that require checking in with several other people before providing a complete response. I left the office at 6:45 PM. It was just that kind of day. Thankfully, an afternoon meeting had to be moved later in the week -- a good thing as I lost total track of time somewhere just after noon.

All day long I felt like I was flying from floor to floor and up and down the hallways -- flying at supersonic speed. So much to do and intruding on the days of many others to fact check. There was a lengthy 'to do' list sitting on my desk that was superseded by the flurry of incoming e-mails. I read a great line when I had 2-3 minutes to scan the non-registration related messages -- "Disruption is my new normal.' (Thirsk, J., PEN eNews 8(1), June, 2018). How perfect is that? <smile>. It certainly described my plans for today. This is where the flexibility that I wrote of in an earlier post comes to the centre of survival. Understanding that intrusions will disrupt plans to varying degrees seems paramount to managing stress. Keeping this concept in mind will take some work, but it might help tomorrow be somewhat less frenetic.

A song lyric and title that fit the crazed pace of the day are shared here today. This is from the  psychedelic rock era. Enjoy!

Faster than the Speed of Life -- Steppenwolf

Day 5 - 168 -- Cooking Spring Delights

A quiet Sunday was spent reading for research, finishing house cleaning chores and cooking a nice supper -- all with sunshine and cooler temperatures. Very pleasant. During the afternoon, I visited a friend to gather some rhubarb from her garden. The spring has been wet and cool so the plants were stunning in their growth. Flowers and vegetables were being added to the beds today. The bag of rhubarb stalks made one large and two individual crisps. These will be tested as the bedtime snack tonight. <smile>

I grew up with rhubarb in the backyard. We had pies, crisps and the most delectable conserve -- a jam-like product. I prefer crisp to pie, so I do make that regularly and regularly ensure the conserve is in the pantry. I have been lucky to have rentals that had rhubarb plants in the yards. Where I live now had amazing plants in two locations. Due to theft of every stalk for two consecutive years, none grows here now. I did attempt to replant once, but the roots didn't survive the winter. So, in the words written by Tennessee Williams for his character, Blanche DuBois, I now "depend on the kindness of strangers." Well, not strangers so much as friends and colleagues -- so 'others' might fit the line better for me. <smile>  In its raw form, rhubarb is not appealing in the least. This is one of many foods that makes me wonder who first cooked this plant. I'm so glad they did, since it is something that makes me smile.

Needless to say, there is a song to fit the events of the day. The lyrics seem particularly perfect since we're told it will rain tomorrow. The song is by a singer-songwriter who was part of one of my favourite bands. This song is from his solo career and follows a roots rock style. Enjoy!

Rhubarb Pie -- John Fogerty

Day 5 - 167 -- Summer Plans

Saturday -- the day filled with household chores. This sort of activity allows the mind to wander and ponder. <smile>  Temperatures were in mid-20s C today but the house remained bearable due to the grey cloud cover. When taking a break for a cup of chai, I called a friend who I haven't spoken to for a while. It was wonderful catching up and just chatting. I admit to feeling a bit of weariness during the day -- a common thing on Saturday when I try to regroup and recharge.

Pondering the past week made me look toward to the next several weeks. There will be more file and shelf culling and some research reading and writing. There will be a few meetings to chat with colleagues and with others. All are needed to prepare for the fall. It will be an interesting journey -- one that could help with internal balance, power and belonging. Listening more to myself and the universe will help with this recentering. Looking beyond the next couple of months is further than definitive plans will be made. Plans beyond that will fall into place as life moves forward. It is a journey. Knowing where we will pause along the road can be somewhat planned in advance, but travel books don't include everything. Flexibility to alter plans when something interesting presents itself along the way could make the journey so much more rewarding <smile>. Learning to travel the road without the need to control each step will take some effort and lots of trust. Sounds like a solid summer plan. <smile>

The song that came to mind today has a relaxed, comforting melody and lyrics that fit the travel plans I pondered today. I chose a version with a variation in the arrangement from the original Pearl Jam version. Enjoy!

The Long Road -- Eddie Vedder ft. Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan

Day 5 - 166 -- Soaring Eagle

It was a day of doing many smaller things rather than one to focus on a single task. While I did some small bits of file culling, the rest of the time was spent providing advice to students as they prepare to begin registration next week. The afternoon involved a trip to visit my physician to check on the status of the last referral and get a second one for a different specialist. All are just follow up visits for things that haven't been creating problems but should be monitored occasionally. While there, I noted that I'd had a headache for two weeks -- one that feels like migraine pain but was different in location. He checked a few things -- pressing here and there to see if he could make me shriek -- which he did <smile>. It seems I have a knot in the upper trapezius which is creating tenderness along the occipital nerve -- makes the side of my face and head hurt. He felt the physio could assist with this. So -- seems that the file purging may be at fault for a repetitive motion injury despite my  work to avoid the process for long and ensuring posture was positive throughout <sigh>.

The day ended with friends on the deck at a local pub. Now, the sun was shining, but it wasn't warm enough in my opinion to be sitting outside, but I wore extra layers to join the crew. It was nice to sit and chat about all manner of things. During this outing, I watched a bald eagle soar overhead. It reminded me that some pleasant aspects exist even when living in the back of beyond. Later in the evening, I thought of watching that bird and again, it made me feel a bit more centred and relaxed. The eagle seemed so free and in charge -- things I haven't felt securely for a while. Change can put us off kilter as we learn to adjust. But that feeling of freedom will return with that new normal.

A song that I've used here before seemed the best one for the feelings of the day. The singer-songwriter is a favourite of mine from long back. His folk-rock style worked well with the advocacy for nature, people and the world. This song has a spiritual feel to it. Enjoy!

On the Wings of an Eagle -- John Denver

Day 5 - 165 -- Throw the Past Away?

Rain filled the day -- sometimes pouring and sometimes just spitting. It made working in the office to clear the course bookshelves a bit easier. This task was completed today along with some back files. Bags 15 to 17 went to the recycle bin today. It does appear that some headway has occurred with some space showing on the course shelves.

A conversation with a colleague covered the history -- my history -- that I encountered as I've been working through this sorting process. We agreed that the next generation wouldn't value the found treasures as we would, firstly since they aren't electronic. Now that may seem harsh, but it isn't meant to cast aspersions -- just that we grew up in different eras so handwritten assignments are now a thing of the past. The same holds true for printed journals and newsletters. I stated that I worried that a lot of past knowledge would be lost since not all paper journals have been fully digitized and some never will be. That makes the research findings 'inaccessible' since search engines can't find them and searching hard copies in a bricks and mortar library is a skill that hasn't been learned. I've heard researchers say that no past studies exist in a particular area. In many cases this is not true and studies may not be easily found in the current electronic way of searching for them. So, does that mean that past knowledge is less valuable? I truly hope this isn't the prevailing feeling, but without experience searching for paper copies of past ideas, the world will lose that knowledge and all the work that went into determining it. We may have to learn to re-invent the wheel, which means we won't be able to build on past findings. Questions will never be fully answered, only revisited with the same 'new' old ideas, keeping us in the darkness about what the real answer will be.

Well that went a bit darker than I'd planned, but it is something to ponder in those off moments. <smile>.  A line from a song fit my processing of past knowledge today.Thankfully much is available electronically, but certainly not all of it. The line that came to mind was "Sooner or later we learn to throw the past away." In retrospect I'd meant this to be my learning to let go of some of the papers, while it may also mean that the past becomes less valued. Interesting.  The song is by an English singer-songwriter, the lead singer of a band with a long solo career after the group parted ways. Enjoy!

History will Teach Us Nothing -- Sting

Day 5 - 164 -- Musical Travels

The day cycled between sunny moments and cloudy periods. The temperature rose, but the wind was still cool coming in off the water. I had lunch with a friend who dropped by the office after being away on a trip. It is always good to check in after our journeys. I spent further time going through the course materials shelves. One course provides greater challenge since I'm so emotionally vested in all the papers used over the years. Each built upon others to develop the content. Choosing which to keep and which to recycle was challenging and almost drew a tear at times.

The day ended with an appointment that made me laugh at times -- something wonderful to help reduce the tensions of paper sorting. While in the waiting room, I heard a song playing. I love the lyrics about music taking one on a trip. It does this for me. So, that song is shared with you today. Enjoy!

Magic Carpet Ride -- Steppenwolf

Day 5 - 163 -- Fate of Local Berries

The sun shone much of the day, but the wind was very strong. That made things feel a bit cooler when outside. I had a couple of meetings to discuss scheduling issues and a number of other smaller tasks underway. The afternoon brought a fete complete with amazing strawberry shortcake -- made with cream scone 'cake' insread to the sponge cake I grew up with <smile>. It was very yummy. I saw a number of people I hadn't seen for a while and got to chat with some of them before we headed back to our respective lives and day jobs. I then managed to get further recycling bags out of the office so am seeing the actual shelves in places on the course bookshelves. Very cool. It helps to see the change in space that I can use to measure progress <smile>.

The dessert treat made me think of strawberries and other berries. Local growers have had to contend with major frost last week and several light frosts for the past two weeks or so, including this morning. Strawberries were beginning to bloom. Other crops were leafing and will take some time to rebuild this in some way. So, crops will be smaller and likely much later than usual. That will also translate to increased costs for those amazing local treats. Agriculture is a challenging way to make a living.

A song line passed through my head when pondering berry crops today. It is one that is about a place, though it described the places I was thinking of just outside of town. Enjoy!

Strawberry Fields Forever -- The Beatles

Day 5 - 162 -- Sleepy Me

I awoke with the alarm. It disrupted a deep sleep and seemed an abrupt waking. Throughout the day I felt very fatigued. I could have used another weekend day to manage the sleep. It was like walking in a fog, so could be part of the migraine from Saturday, too. The day involved further clearing of files and binders. These are from the shelves since the lateral file cabinet was completed on Friday.  It felt like a Monday in many ways -- difficult to get into the rhythm of work for another week. Hopefully, things will improve in the coming days.

As for the weather, it was sunny until suppertime when heavy grey cloud arrived. A further frost advisory is in place for the overnight. This will be a light frost and should not create major damage to crops and gardens as the harder frost of last week.

So -- I'm off to bed earlier than usual tonight to see if that will help for tomorrow. A song that came to mind reflected the desire to sleep without an alarm. It is by an amazing group. Love this rehearsal acoustic version. Enjoy!

I'm Only Sleeping -- The Beatles

Day 5 - 161 -- Tears and Strength

Have you ever wondered about tears? They appear for many reasons and play different roles. Three types of tears are produced by the body in response to different stimuli. One functions to keep the eyeball lubricated. If we stare at a computer screen for too long -- over 10 minutes -- we begin to blink less often and eyes begin to feel scratchy. This is when lubricating drops come in handy, though so would a break taken to look at something else every few minutes.  A second type works to wash irritants out of the eye -- dust, eyelash, or onion fumes. The type that I was pondering today are those that come in response to emotional situations. Over the past few days these have appeared with positive emotions -- pride, friendship, love -- and with negative emotions -- fear, sadness, shame. Other episodes came from empathy -- seeing someone demonstrating vulnerability. They also appear when feeling nostalgia or physical pain.

Tears can be cathartic by helping to relieve situational stress. Yet, often we hear "big girls/boys don't cry." Why? Crying for any emotional reason is human and not something that shows weakness. We should be able to cry with others, which may cause others to cry for empathetic reasons. This can bring people together -- a type of bonding, if you will. I was part of that experience this past week, too. I found the vulnerability expressed amazing. How can anyone think that demonstrates weakness? It shows amazing strength and trust. Building a safe environment for people we interact with should be our goal. In this case, the sharing brought insights and the ability to see the world through a different lens. Again, not in the least negative. I've had tears in the classroom before where students have commented that this showed the passion I had for the topic -- generally when discussing poverty or outdated attitudes towards treatment of others. Tears haven't been planned, but some days it is difficult to tell a story without reacting.

Pondering tears led me to many songs, but most were sad songs. I did find one that contains a bit of mixed emotion. Enjoy!

Joy Inside My Tears -- Stevie Wonder

Day 5 - 160 -- Weariness Prevails

Slept longer than usual today, though it was a restless sleep with a lot of surfacing -- not a restful sleep despite the time spent "sleeping".  Getting up in the morning has never been an easy thing for me. Lately this has been tricky. I feel that I'm not doing a lot of physical labour and life may not be as crazy as a teaching term. So, why am I so tired?

After going flat out for months, it does take time to recoup. As I've noted before here, older brains are less resilient, so recovery from disturbed sleep takes longer than for a 20-something brain. Perhaps the nature of the file culling process adds a greater mental burden, one that makes the brain need rest. This may be true, since the task is not mindless like it may appear on the surface. It could be a combination of many things, which is the most likely explanation -- not that everything involved can be recognized. All I can say, is that today I felt very weary and accomplished less than on a usual Saturday.

A blues tune seemed to fit the day quite well. I chose this one for the band as well as for the title. Enjoy!

Sleepy Time Time -- Cream

Day 5 - 159 -- Inspiration Elevated

Wow -- just wow! Those words were the only ones that came to me right after listening to one of the best memorial lectures at the annual conference. I was speechless. So many ideas challenged my brain that it took some time to begin to sort them out. That process will linger for the coming days. A main theme of the talk dealt with challenging the status quo on 'treatment' of weight-related issues. A definition of health that is weight-centric leads to 'treatment' that seems blind to healthy lifestyle changes that address determinants of health -- spiritual, mental health, social connections, healthy relationship with food, physical activity and equity. Changes to these determinants may lead to a small change in weight for some people, but will improve health status greatly for most. We need to focus on health measures that are not defined by weight. Today a dynamic speaker challenged the societal norm, giving his truth in personal stories that -- as a friend in the audience stated -- made listeners "laugh, cry and learn." This lecture will be printed in a journal issue in the fall, which makes me feel many more people will have access to the eloquently stated ideas. Many of the sub-themes are still bouncing around in my head. I expect some of them may hit this blog in the future.

At the end of the lecture, listeners were challenged to find their voice -- or to borrow that of the speaker -- to help us move forward individually and collectively. He ended with a musical clip  -- I knew I liked this person <smile>. I've chosen to share that song here today. The key words are mid-way through --

There is a voice deep inside you.
This is the voice that will guide you.
The way you need to be
It'll set you free.
Take it from me.

These lyrics summarized well the stories told with great vulnerability. The lyrics were reworked for a stage production from the original motion picture version. Enjoy!

Listen -- Amber Riley and Liisi LaFontaine (Dreamgirls)

Day 5 - 158 -- The Right Fit

Along with the ubiquitous file sorting, I attended meetings via webinar. This is the first year that this way of attending has been available for many of the sessions. While not quite the same as being on the other side of the continent with friends and colleagues, it did make me feel part of the major events. With the major time change between west and east, the first session began at lunch time for me and the last ended at 9:30 PM. It was great to see familiar faces at the front and at tables as cameras panned the room a bit.

The feeling that I often have when I attend these meetings in person appeared just the same with the live feeds of bits throughout the day. It is difficult to describe. It may be an immense pride in the profession. It could be the solidarity of being part of such a passionate group. I've been a member for 32 years. The career brought with it joy of purpose, passion for the broad area with a multitude of topics -- neverending perhaps -- to discuss, amazing diversity of job opportunities, and a sense of belonging different from anything I've experienced. I recall saying several years ago to a friend and fellow professional member that the annual meeting always felt like coming home. It invigorates my imagination and validates the concerns and triumphs as shared with many others. Last year, another colleague and friend sat in the foyer outside the main meeting room and spoke to familiar faces as they passed. She said that this made the meetings for her -- catching up with those we only see once a year. Even with e-communications, speaking face to face is precious.

Many songs could fit today's ponderings, but I settled on one. The first verse defines the professional group for me. (lyrics are below the video). Enjoy!

Where I Belong -- The Beach Boys

Day 5 - 157 -- Still Beginning

Another day filled with sorting through the remnants of parts of a career. This is difficult, though I try to breathe and dive into the fray. There is a need to pause briefly to try to digest the process -- and to stand up and move around to keep from getting repetitive motion backlashes. I spoke to a colleague at the end of the day whom I told I'd only gotten through half of a file cabinet drawer today. I'd hoped to get the last of that cabinet completed today, but things took longer to deal with in this drawer. She paused and looked at me with a bit of a smile and told me that I'd filled two big bags today and six over the 5 days since I began. So, I've done a lot and should focus on that positive. She must be a glass half full person and today I definitely was not that. <smile>

I haven't done much in the evenings since beginning this culling process. I think I've been trying to let myself rest. Today, I went for a good hike up the hill and joined friends for supper. That was delightful -- a great break but one with people. I realized that the sorting through papers has been isolating. There's no interaction during that time. There can't be. It is something I have to do by myself. Work has been a place where I interact with people -- not fully a 'social' outing, but a place to talk with other adults. This cleaning process has taken that aspect of work and hidden it somewhere. No wonder I wander the hallways between batches of files. It helps me stretch and breathe and also I can see other people. Interesting the little things that take time to be noticed. 

As I'd noted with a colleague -- this is just the beginning. That is frightening and exciting at the same time. Learning to expose the meaning behind it all will take time, something that I will need to accommodate and not push it all inside some little box in my head to seal shut and ignore. No small feat. The lyrics of a song perfectly reflect what I pondered through the evening walks. The first verse does this particularly well. The singer has been in the biz for over 60 years. His delivery of this song accentuates the emotions being described. Enjoy! 

Were Do You Start? -- Tony Bennett

Day 5 - 156 -- Feeling Chilly

For some reason, it seems like it should be nearer the end than the beginning of the week. Yesterday felt like Friday, and yet it was Monday. Today seemed more like a Thursday. Perhaps I'm living this week in reverse order. If that's the case, Friday should be a pleasant surprise if it feels more like a Monday <smile>. Work involved more of the usual activities -- electronic communications, a couple short chats with friends and more time with the dreaded files. For the latter, another full drawer was reduced to a few meager files and two large bags of recycling.

Outside my window rain fell all day. It was a light rain but a very cold rain. Temperatures hovered just above freezing in single digits but the north wind made it feel far cooler. At home, I did all I could to feel warm. I don't mind walking in the rain, but felt too cold to venture out for a walk tonight.

A line from a song seemed to suit the day well -- rain, temperature and walking. Enjoy!

Kentucky Rain -- Elvis Presley

Day 5 - 155 -- On Memory Road

Sunshine greeted the day, though temperatures were cool -- feel like temps in single digits. Big frost dropped overnight, too. Major cloud cover has returned with some expected rain overnight. My day at the office dealt with trying to evade the paint fumes from the renos at my end of the hallway. These have been mainly at the other end until they began work on the room across the hall. Closing the office door helped a lot, though the fumes attacked when I had to run to the printer. There is a bit more painting to do in that room so it should end this week.

While holed up in my office, I got down to further file clearing. I finished the first of three lateral cabinet drawers and began the second one. My aim is to get all three completed such that what remains fits into one drawer with some room to spare. Today was more difficult as some files dealt with research topics while others involved work from years back. I found an annual report from a colleague I still converse with -- used in class as an example of public health activities. A workshop flyer from another colleague made me smile -- today I see her on TV regularly. Yet another newsletter article had a photo of a past professor of mine. Another big smile came from that one. So, while these often made me smile, there was that wistfulness again. A friend suggested that I make digital copies of such things for a 'who I was' file -- sounded quite logical to me. Once things are culled, I'll scan the remainder for just such a file.

While sorting I was listening to music on shuffle. Up popped a song which I immediately noted would be the song for today. It is perfect for what I was in the midst of today. It isn't an easy song to sing with the huge range required. This singer is one that isn't always recognized for the talent he truly displays. Remember that these clear notes come from some one well over 40 years of age <grin>. Enjoy!

Remember -- Micky Dolenz (written by Harry Nilsson)

Day 5 - 154 -- Power of Music

Recuperating from the headache of yesterday took centre stage for me today. This means nothing much of note occurred beside washing my hair, feeding myself and folding laundry <smile>. The rain ended overnight but the wind continued through the day. The leaves have grown so more than branches danced in the air.

I found myself thinking about the roles music plays in our lives. Since the early humans, music has built community. Listening to live music provides shared experiences and feelings. Music has communicated feelings and information from the time of wandering minstrels who sang music and cultural stories -- very useful in a time when print literacy and access to printed word were low until printing presses took hold. Recorded music allowed people to hear music more broadly than in the home towns of musicians. This also brought groups together to hear the music and perhaps learn to reproduce it. Streaming technology brought many genres of music to individuals through ear buds. With blue tooth speakers groups of people can hear the streamed tunes. Ont the other side, people who meet to play and record music develop strong social bonds, too. With the many artists and genres at our fingertips, sharing electronically occurs quickly. Music-based social media sites build virtual communities that approximate the live music venue experience. I've mentioned before that a group of very close friends first met online in a music newsgroup years before the Web was developed. We still communicate daily over 20 years later. That tight-knit group came from love of music, particularly the shared experience of listening to music -- both at concerts and in online listening parties. Research shows that memories can be triggered by music. Also, music uses different memory pathways, so has been shown to bring people with dementia to a place where they can smile and sing along -- when they have difficulty communicating in other ways. Simply put, music is powerful.

A musical theatre singer made famous in the '60s as part of a pop band made an astute observation. Davy Jones said that music mingles souls. Those three words say so eloquently what I stumbled over above. A song that came to mind today notes that music can impact lives. The lyrics use first person singular when it would mean the same with a plural -- I vs. we. Enjoy!

I've Got the Music in Me -- Kiki Dee Band

Day 5 - 153 -- Pain in the Rain

For a Saturday, it was a reasonable day. It began with laundry and some small chores. Through the day I worked at development of an online file that has been at the back of my mind for several days. This work was for me and not for the office. By supper time, the twinge I'd felt when I got up had turned into something rather large and painful. One side of my head hurts from scalp, to temple, to jaw. I've had this head pain in the past and thankfully not often. In the night I'd been sleeping on my side and had to move as the head pain increased with pressure of the pillow. So -- tonight it is running full bore. I took meds when I got up and another with early supper. I found myself eating every 2-3 hours -- a common symptom when I have a migraine.

The weather brought pouring rain overnight and late into the morning followed by intermittent rain showers. The sound of steadier rain on the roof is now present. The temperature fell dramatically from the heat of yesterday. This drop in pressure may have triggered a headache, though that is not one of the main causes of my headaches. A Star Wars marathon has been on in the background of my day -- something fun for when I sit for a rest between major tasks. <smile>

Given the hum-drum nature of my day, it was difficult to find a song that might fit. With my <ahem> determined, tenacious, 'leave no stone unturned' personality, I did find one <grin>.  I'm hoping the headache acts like the female character by the song. That would make me happier. <giggle> Love the newer live version. Enjoy!

The Rain, the Park and Other Things -- The Cowsills

Day 5 - 152 -- Identity

Many small urgent items seem to await me when I arrive at the office this week. Nothing too major today -- but a couple of e-mails that I needed to respond to before I got buried in my 'to do' list items. Carpenters, electricians, painters and plumbers were in the room across the hall undergoing renos. For the most part the work was quiet and sporadic. That should have made my work easier to begin. I did spend a while chatting with a friend I'd not spoken with for a week -- we conversed as she was working in her lab. I then headed back to my office and like yesterday, closed the door, put on some music and began the file culling process. My friend had likened the process and the emotions that surround it to the detritus that washes in with the tide. If you don't pick it up, you'll end up wading through it or it will just come back in 12 hours at the next high tide. While this made me laugh, it did make sense for what I was managing. I did not quit, but made it through several more stacks of files, almost completing the cull for drawer #1. Then, I went to the pub to sit on the deck with colleagues -- in the 27C heat.

After the emotional experiences of yesterday when I began the grand purge, I was trying to name the feeling or feelings. I had felt the files represented who I was. This immediately begs the question, who am I? Identity is tied up in many of our life events. While this may be called a career colloquially, it is more a vocation -- a passion for completing a focused service that also intersects with joy and fulfillment. As such, identity cannot be removed from the purpose, since by definition, vocation is tied up with personal epistomology and ontology. So, when finding memos and papers from past co-workers and reports written by me, they represent more than some distant, dusty activity. They feel like friends. Hence, placing them into blue bags for recycling can be painful -- a thousand little goodbyes.

A song line that hit me as I was working seemed to represent the metaphor used to describe the never ending process I've undertaken. It has a bit of a reggae sound and is from the '80s. Enjoy!

The Tide is High -- Blondie

Day 5 - 151 -- Sorting Begins

I planned to try to get into the large project this morning. Several urgent smaller things needed doing by just after lunch. Moving cupboard contents to another room so renos can begin in the original space. Trundled things down the hall to a second room and will need to move them back to the new cupboards in a week or so. Several other little things needed some attention. At abut 2:30 PM I put in the ear buds, took a deep breath and opened a file cabinet drawer. The file culling began shortly thereafter. It wasn't entirely easy. These are not the most current files, so it wasn't clear what I might encounter. I did make some room by the time I left about 5 PM. There was emotion, as I found materials from past projects -- things that I was involved in that were exciting and fun. Many papers are no longer current, so these were sorted from the more useful documents.

Journeys down memory lane can be pleasant, but can also bring myriad emotions. Recalling past meetings, coworkers,  and accomplishments can bring joy as well as a degree of sadness. That nostalgia thing -- wistfulness, perhaps. So, I had been worried about the emotional aspect of this task, and it was there. It will happen again and again as I sort through decades of past team work. Music helped me to  work through the first few files. I took a short stack to sort, took a break and then tackled the next stack. While that sounds so logical, when anxious about what one might encounter, logic is not fully present <smile>. Remembering to breath and to  accept and name the emotions might help future sojourns into the paper piles. It remains to be seen.

Lyrics that present anxiety and self affirmations that I encountered today are shared here tonight. This piece is by an indigenous artist from Ottawa who says his songs are inspired by positive messages, storytelling and life experiences. (the lyrics can be found in a link in the description below the video). Enjoy!

Can You Hear me Now -- Cody Coyote