Day 3 - 91 -- Parallel Journeys

The last main lecture for one class was completed today leaving just a summary and exam review for next Monday. The other class has one further lecture to wrap up things and a day for exam review and a group reflection activity. So, we are almost at the end. The grading didn't get too far today. I fell asleep after supper for longer than the 15 minute nap that often occurs. I didn't sleep well last night and was awake much later than I've been in the past week. That left me tired through the day.

Arrival at work this morning had me meeting two people in the parking lot that I hadn't seen for a while. During a longer conversation with one, I heard that each of these people lost their mothers in the past month. The one I spoke with said it was unexpected. I noted that my mom had died after an accidental fall. So did his mother. The parallels between the ends of these two lives were freakishly similar and only about three weeks apart. The number of times each of us said 'me too' as the stories unfolded was surprising. I felt I could honestly say that we each had a fairly good idea what the other had gone through -- even though the experiences are individual, the processes were nearly identical. I will make a point of stopping in after exams are over to check to see how he is coping. The other woman I see occasionally, but I will be sure to seek her out and give her my condolences in the coming days.

Moving through the immediate loss and the 'year of firsts' seems such a slow process. It can't be rushed nor can it be hidden -- since both of these will lead to rising of emotions when you least expect them as these feelings will refuse to be ignored. Grief is work -- and it can lead to major fatigue. A silly song from childhood came to mind today as a metaphor for the processes underway. The singers should bring a smile as will the arrangement and harmonies. Enjoy!

Inchworm -- Muppets with Danny Kaye

Day 3 - 90 -- Sunshine and Absence

Bright sunshine greeted me this morning. It was so bright that even with sunglasses, it was nearly blinding while walking. That isn't a complaint. I just need to carry my ball cap with me so that I can hide under the brim a bit better <smile>. The kitchen had super sunshine with the furry fellow enjoying sunning himself. It makes the golden undertones in his fur pattern pop and makes him a golden boy <smile>.  In the office, I didn't turn on the lights until after lunch when the sun had moved to the other building wing. It was great to see the sun after the snow of yesterday.  Tomorrow is to be cloudy with sun leading us into a couple days of rain. So, I enjoyed this sun even more knowing we'd have a few days with less of it.

Reflecting on the presence of sunshine today and its absence on other days made me think of my mental state. Some days are better than others and some times of day are better than other times of day. I keep catching myself thinking that an experience needs to be shared with my Mom. I always kept a mental list of  things that I'd share when we chatted. This decades-old habit will take some time to alter. I know that I still find myself wishing I could just call Dad to ask him a question, but don't catch myself thinking that I need to tell him things as I did. He's been gone 11 years, and I'm not sure when that change in thinking occurred. It did take a long time, though. Now, I'm feeling sad or teary at times when I realize that I don't need to keep that list any longer. Finding another recipient of some of these daily events will be more difficult and may actually turn out to be several people. This is how I've dealt with many of the Dad questions, while others remain unanswered.

The song for today contains lyrics that highlight the positive nature of the sun as well as the transitions of life. The version shared here is from 50 years ago, when this renowned singer was but a teenager <smile>.  Enjoy!

A Place in the  Sun -- Stevie Wonder

Day 3 - 89 -- Loss of a Mental Health Champion

The day began grey and cloudy. Rain had stopped in the middle of the night. I walked into work knowing that some form of frozen precipitation was expected by afternoon. Work went well and I left late afternoon during a major snow event -- big huge fluffy flakes that turned to tiny ice crystals by the time I got home. Accumulation was minimal, but the wind was enormous. Regardless of which direction I walked, the snow was horizontal and blew directly into my face -- west, north east, south west -- it came from all directions at once. Just another of the amazing maritime weather phenomena. Wind warnings continue tonight and further snow is expected, but just a few centimetres if the forecast is to be believed.

I heard news of the loss of brave woman today. She was an accomplished, award winning actress who championed mental health disorders, after being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Patty, or Anna Marie, Duke, died today. She was a child actor on Broadway, starred in a series named for her, and made her mark in movies. She also had a short recording career. I'm sharing two of her works here today. The first was from the early part of this career and reflects much adolescent angst. It reached #8 on the US charts. The second is the title song from a '60s film, Valley of the Dolls. The character she played was over acted in some aspects, but seemed to reflect her early life dealing with addiction. Enjoy!

Don't Just Stand There -- Patti Duke

Title song Valley of the Dolls -- Patty Duke

Day 3 - 88 -- Urgent for whom?

Today marked the first day of the last full week of classes for the year. There are two days next week -- Monday and Tuesday -- but that is only a partial week. <smile>  That also means 3 lectures in one class and 4 in the other. The former will be a challenge to cut back on my talking to fit in everything needed. The latter will fit comfortably, unless I'm forgetting something <smile>. While planning for end of term and completing student meetings, I was trying to book a workman to help with the basement situation. He'd asked to see the crack in the foundation some time back, but seems to be so busy when I'm free and vice versa. I did get a phone message at home last week noting that we needed to get this done soon. My initial response had been why call me at home when I work, too? <sigh>. I called today and the office took a message but wouldn't make an appointment for him (which is what I thought his phone message to me had asked that I do <big sigh>). I did call his cell, but there was no answer. I spoke to the main contractor -- well their office -- and they suggested that I do just what I had done. So -- now we wait again. I spoke with him last week and he was to call me back later last Monday, but didn't call until Thursday and I got home after his office closed for the day. So -- when did this become my issue to plan? <bigger sigh>

When something urgent presents itself, it can be challenging to get everyone involved to feel the same degree of urgency. My basement is in huge disarray and I can't get to one of the deep freezers without moving furniture and belongings from one of the two affected rooms. Working in the basement to do laundry is almost impossible and the kitchen storage is totally inaccessible with the furniture and boxes from one room piled in the middle of that room.  I don't think I needed someone who doesn't quite 'get it' to tell me it was urgent since the contractor had contacted him again to ask him to do what he said he needed to do before someone else can come to repair the foundation crack. It is a small town and there are few skilled workers and companies. This company is very busy as the main one of that type in the area. I understand this, but don't tell me to call you and make an appointment if the office staff won't do this and don't do this four days after you said you would call. Just a very odd situation. We've dealt with this company on our own many times in the past many years and never had an issue -- go figure.

The title and a line or two from a song flashed through my overfull brain today as I tried unsuccessfully to make an appointment time -- SOON. <smile>  It is from an album that I have in the original vinyl. Enjoy!

Urgent -- Foreigner

Day 3 - 87 -- Music Therapy

 The Easter Bunny brought sunshine for us. Furry friend had much to sleep in out in the kitchen. The temperature was above freezing and a fair amount of the snow from last week melted during the day. There are still a couple storms in the offing so more snow may arrive, but it won't last long at this point in the season. The warming of the ground will soon bring spring blooms. The naturalized crocus, snow drops and periwinkles in the front lawn are enjoyed each year, followed by tulips and magnolias. Spring can be muddy, so wearing cream coloured pants might be best left for a later date when things dry up. Several chores were dealt with today helping me to be prepared for the next week with updated lectures, clean clothes and a grocery list.  Today seemed to be the first day without a mid-afternoon body temperature increase -- a good sign -- still have a ways to go but the virus has  begun the exit game.

Music entered the day with a musical film and iPod tunes. It did help to keep the mood more positive. As I pondered the day, a great song came to mind that fits so much of what I'm feeling and how I'm trying to move through all that comes along with grief. Many covers of this song have been made by singers from several genres. I've chosen to go with the original today, though there are some great choices out there. Enjoy!

Drift Away -- Dobie Gray

Day 3 - 86 -- Magic of Music

Today seemed a bit better than the past couple of days. Still coughing and feeling yucky, but I managed to do some things that made me feel I'd accomplished something useful <smile>.  Friends dropped by a plate form Easter dinner since I didn't want to infect anyone there -- so dinner was taken care of -- gotta love those who offer to do a meals on wheels for those of us who choose to quarantine ourselves. <grin>.  I did some house and office work and even made time for me to rest and do 'me' things. That made me feel better in my head today.

I listened to some older concerts on the PBS fund raising events today. Some interesting reminders of songs from the past -- a Bee Gees concert from late '90s and then a Nitty Gritty Dirt Band concert with many special guests. Great background music while working that set a more positive mood than I've had for a while. Music has powers.

One song I heard during the concerts said exactly what I'd said to myself for a couple of days.  Instead of feeling yucky, do something that I can do that will make me feel more positive. The harmonies for the selection today are tight and so recognizable. There were some redeeming aspects of the '80s music it seems <giggle>.  Enjoy!

You should be Dancing -- The Bee Gees

Day 3 - 85 -- Grayness Surrounds

Awoke to a sunny day when we'd been expecting rain -- freezing and liquid. It seems the storm has shifted north a bit, but we will still get some rain overnight. Clouds moved in by late afternoon. I did some household chores and worked to get caught up with the blog. I felt well until mid-afternoon again when some soreness and fatigue arrived. There are many things that need to begin and finish this weekend, but feeling like staying in bed all day doesn't help. Piles of term assignments to grade, income tax to begin and professional registration items to address. The impending end of the fiscal year brings many things that need to be tied up, while others will begin on April 1. Difficulty focusing leaves me stressing about the looming deadlines.

The grayness of the day outside seemed to permeate inside -- both inside the house and inside me. The cough today makes me sound like an old smoker <sigh>. I felt ready to work through the 'to do' list, and then began to feel more and more fatigued as the day moved forward. I've done far less today than I'd hoped and have made very little impact on the dreaded list. Trying to be kind to myself and allow me to take things more slowly seems to be more difficult than it sounds. I'd really rather do nothing on the list, stay in bed and listen to TV or music. So -- maybe the list will be addressed tomorrow.

I asked myself a question about what I was feeling several times during the day. While doing this, I realized it sounded much like a song lyric. The song has a bit of an upbeat sound even though the lyrics deal with a somewhat morose topic. The singer has a pleasant and easy to listen to voice. Enjoy!

Am I Blue? -- George Strait