Day 4 - 193 -- Obligation or Empathy?

I caught myself telling of an encounter and I used the phrase, "I was paying it forward." I immediately stopped speaking and said, "No." I understood the situation the other person was in and I lent a hand. It was a form of empathy not the obligation that seems inherent to 'paying it forward.'  I recall telling someone of a time that I was alone in a restaurant in a small room. At the other larger table was a group of people visiting and having a wonderful time together. I enjoyed their laughter. A while later, I looked out the window and for a nano-second felt homesick. A voice behind me introduced themselves and noted that my bill had been taken care of and noting that they had been rather boisterous. With tears in my eyes, I thanked the man and told him how I had not found their visiting problematic in the least. To me, one of the guardian angels had been looking in on me just as I felt sad -- ever so momentarily. That had been the point of my story. Now, the person I'd been telling almost jumped at me with the reply that I should know that when that happens I am supposed to (like it was a written law somewhere) do that same for someone else. They had missed my point, and I did not agree with their point that it was an obligation. Don't get me wrong -- on that trip I did many things for others as I found them in need.

It is interesting to see the power in the words. Something simple like encouraging people to help one another somehow turns into a rule-governed behaviour. That seems to defeat the intention of being kind. When someone is having difficulty lifting a suitcase, reaching something off the top shelf at the store, or has no where to sit, we can understand their situation. Stepping in to assist seems minor and is often done without even thinking. If a person were to ask for help with directions, sorting through foreign change, or where to find a jar of capers, stepping in seems second nature to many of us. So, I will take issue with the background meaning of 'paying it forward' but will not cease to assist where I can, even if it is with just a smile.

A song that covers this concept --though in a more overstated way than I've used -- is shared with you all. The singer-songwriter does a great job with the lyrics and the video depicts different situations where assistance is needed. Enjoy!

Guardian -- Alanis Morissette