It was a Monday. I didn't get much accomplished today. I had a good phone chat with a friend but didn't get to the dreaded list. To be honest, I feel like hiding form the world. Sadly, I'm not sure where to go that lets me run away and hide form this disease. So, not only do I want to run away, it appears I am trapped and really can't do that. That feels horrible. The uncertainty of when the world will open up enough to let us move around again hits hard at times. Not knowing when I can run away, even if not to hide, seems unbearable in those moments.
We are destined to continue isolating in the home with only a few essential trips out of the yard. While it bears all the marks of hiding, it really isn't. It feels more like force confinement. Actually, it is just that isolation that I want to run and hide from. <sigh> People with experience and knowledge of the impact of such situations warned us that the three or so months after the six month mark would be difficult. It is also the time when winter sets in for the northern hemisphere bringing the shorter days and increased darkness. This is a time of semi-isolation for many people, since weather conditions do interfere with movement and travel. I fear this will only add to the that anxiousness to get away. If I recall correctly, the experts noted that while we have made some significant alterations to daily life, we will need to be prepared for other changes over this time period. Adding yet other layers, are the increasing infection rates and walking back openness in order to address the rising case numbers, which are worse than we had in the first wave of this beast. For those with anxiety prior to this pandemic such events and feelings only add to the loss of control. For everyone else, moments of rising anxiousness may be a new and scary feeling. We do need to support each other and ourselves -- emphasis on ourselves there. Find the moments where we can 'escape' briefly. I have found spending 5-10 minutes with a jigsaw puzzle can help calm the noise in my head and help with focus. Find whatever might work for you -- within reason of course <smile>.
A song played in my head today as I was thinking of the need to get away and to hide. A perfect lyric line notes "I could hide in a crack in the road" and clearly notes the mixed up feelings. Stay safe. Enjoy!
Milkshake -- Peter Tork
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