Day 3 - 190 -- Getting to the Core

I'm not sure where the week disappeared to, but it is over. Many things were completed, but many weren't even really begun. I've been trying to be kind to myself and not be angry with me or with any external force. Things will get done -- they always do, but it isn't always as pretty as we'd like. <smile>

I was reminded recently that anger and anxiety are central to grief. There is no calendar that says things will be 'normal' again by day such and such. Instead it is hugely individual. Even the same person will unlikely experience grief in the same way with different losses. I've noted that recently. There is a point at which a person expects things to be back to the way they were. We get tired of working through the process and just want it done NOW! When this happens, we stop acknowledging the negative emotions and behaviours that are common to grieving individuals. We become frustrated and angry with ourselves when we can't work at our regular pace or produce underwhelming work after what seems an herculean effort. This is when we have to be kind and forgive ourselves; we are not superhuman nor are we immune to the processes of loss. I've found it quite interesting that others have had to remind me that it takes time. Perhaps when we begin to smile again and feel more 'in charge' we think it is over. Often grief is not quite done with us. The other concept that needs to be faced head on is that 'normal' will never be the same as it was before the loss. There will be a 'new normal' that will be fashioned from processing the grief.

A few lines from a favourite song came to mind when working through these thoughts over the past few days. The lyrics speak well to working through loss and change. The singer is amazing. I've chosen an earlier video for the clarity of a younger voice. Even though his later voice is still strong, I felt the high notes were crisper on this version. Enjoy!

The Heart of the Matter -- The Eagles