Day 6 - 50 -- Exploring Grief

For most of the past week, I've felt a bit off. Tears arrived unexpectedly at minor things. When I tried to figure this out, the first thing that came through in the consciousness noted that February used to be the month of three main birthday celebrations -- my mother and two other women who were major friends and part of my wider family. They often celebrated their days with a dinner out together. These three women were born within a nine day period over 17 years. Two passed almost three years ago while the other left us almost two years ago. Regardless of the age differences, they each played major roles in my life. I miss our regular contacts.

Yes, it has been two or three years since these women left. What I've come to understand about grief is that it is always with you. It may not be uppermost in your mind, but it will make itself known through physical and emotional interruptions to daily life. Grief doesn't seem to go away. We find ways of coping with it and pushing it out of view for most days -- with time. The pain is always fresh, we just find a way to live with it in that 'new normal' that must be renegotiated with each successive loss. In the very first days of shock, the pain seems unbearable. That feeling does change as we learn to live together with the loss and pain. I guess it just isn't as raw as it is at the outset of a loss. There is much more about grief that I don't quite grasp. I began by taking things moment by moment and then hour by hour and day by day. Some parts of days are better than others. I remember being surprised by the sound of laughter when I'd not made that sound for some time. Each time has brought different experiences and winding pathways to return to something close to what I had called 'normal'. I guess what I've found in common is that there is hope -- it can be difficult to see or feel, but it is there.

I share with you all a song that seemed to fit my thoughts over the past days. The melody is beautiful as are the vocals that deliver wonderful lyrics. Enjoy!

Angel -- Sarah McLachlan