Day 2- 189 -- Late Night Wakefulness

Over the past few days, by bedtime I've found myself feeling that I could fall asleep anywhere. Yet, when I turn the lights out and lay down, the brain kicks in and revisits all those things I didn't say in the past several weeks. For some reason, these thoughts are always far from soothing and may even stimulate adrenaline release from frustration or something akin to anger. Needless to say, it takes longer than expected to get to sleep making the morning alarm even more jarring than usual. The resulting lack of sleep does little to help the brain work through the bothersome ideas, but here I am doing just that <smile>.

The root of things seems to be a lack of control over what happens to me. Logic dictates that I don't have the power to control everything around me or even in me. So why does the brain refuse to accept this? It seems not all things are based in logical reasoning <grin>. If I had asked or said something in the situations at the centre of my over-tired wakefulness, would it have really changed the outcome? Not likely. Would I feel satisfied that I'd at least tried? Perhaps not -- something else might be found that could have been said or done. It is a never-ending merry-go-round -- and I am prone to vertigo, so should stand clear of such devices -- real or imaginary. Right?  <smile>

A line from the chorus of a song struck a chord with me today -- a perfect metaphor for all those missed opportunities and words not said. The title says it all -- the need to keep focus on the individual. Enjoy!

My Fight Song -- Rachel Platten