Day 7 - 101 -- Learning to Practice Calm

I chose not to walk today as the wind was very strong through the afternoon. Rather than dodging flying twigs or other objects, I stayed indoors. On a phone call, I got caught up with a former student. We discussed life in general and specifics to our professional practices, sharing many practice pointers. Again, this was an example of the reciprocity of mentorship <smile>. I took time to check in with several friends through their social media pages. It feels good to hear what people are involved with in their daily lives. I baked some commercial rolls for the Easter meals in my house this weekend. While doing the evening meal prep, I listened to a podcast from Brene Brown, a woman I've always found to be authentic in her sharing of personal experience and research findings around several mental health topics. Today, I chose a topic that dealt with day to day anxiety and our patterned responses learned in childhood. This was from her podcast series Unlocking Us 

Brown noted that anxiety is contagious, and thus often seen as a function of groups. It spread like wildfire quite often. Our reaction to anxiety a patterned response. Two major categories of responses include over- and under-functioning. Over-functioning occurs when an individual takes charge, micromanages a situation while trying to rescue others. This group ignores internal feelings and works to control their surroundings. Under-functioning individuals tend to withdraw and leave actions and decisions to others. One can be seen as  'tough or a control freak' and the other as 'fragile or flaky'. None of these labels is positive and may even cause feelings of shame.Each response demonstrates a type of what Brown calls "armor" -- the protections we put in place to help us 'get out from under uncertainty.'

Now, there is no shortage of day-to-day anxiety in our present situations. This is where calm needs to enter the picture. Brown's definition of calm is "perspective, mindfulness and the ability to manage emotional reactivity." That sounds ideal, but takes concerted effort to choose a reaction different to that we learned in childhood. To incorporate calm into our lives we can learn to respond in a calmer manner -- not mirroring the stressed communications of others. Just as with anxiety, calm can be contagious, too. We can practice slowing the  cadence of speech, lowering volume and asking questions for clarification. This can help us and those around us.  To slow our response, we can take time to gather information, think and then react -- count to 10, or take a moment to  think before giving a response that has jumped straight to hyperbole. So -- my learning activity today will take work to begin to incorporate, but I believe it can be done over time.

At the beginning of the podcast, Brown noted a line from a song that made me stop and smile. Not only was the lyric so what I've been feeling, but it made me want to use it here today. "Don't push me 'cause I'm close to the edge." <smile>  This selection takes us way back to the early days of hip hop. Stay safe. Enjoy!

The Message -- Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five