Day 3 - 64 -- A Walking Contradiction

 Crisp, cold air with bright sun and blue sky greeted me as I left the house today. A colleague reminded me that this was like a Saskatchewan day -- cold, clear and sunny. She was right, of course, and my mind was too wrapped up in itself to recognize why I felt 'good' outside this morning. I often walk to work on such days -- enjoyable and reminding me of home. It was interesting that this prairie like day didn't hit my consciousness as a reminder of home, when it seems everything is reminding me of Saskatchewan and home these days. I did go for a walk later in the afternoon, though, when it was still cold and crisp and the sun was beginning to set. It was enjoyable.

I read somewhere that grief left one 'flying blind.' That seems a good description -- never knowing what will happen or what one will feel next. I hear myself laugh a bit and find that it sounds odd to me. Tears are at the ready and appear at the most inopportune moments. Sarcasm or outright anger take over my being. With the same instantaneous-ness, all feelings leave and are replaced by some new fresh hell. At times is seems absurd and other times I'm not sure I'm fully aware of what is happening inside and outside of me. Luckily, music can help restore some calm, as can a kind gesture and there have been many of these even from people who don't know the whole story.

The selection I've chosen to share today deals with a similar situation to the one I find myself in now. The songwriter and singer wrote this after the loss of his mother. It is a lovely song filled with many emotions. Enjoy!

Iris -- U2