Today we're making it real. So many things seem to make this loss more real -- those things that just won't let you hide from reality. I was packing boxes to ship, which seemed to be less than subtle in telling me that these items will not be used by my mother any more. Friends have moved parents to long term care facilities, which still requires clearing out an abode, but their family member is still around even though not living at 'home' anymore. It really hit home for me when I began seeing boxes stacked up in the living room and blank spaces on shelves and walls.
I often told my mom not to worry about clearing things away that we would sort and distribute things when the time came. While I fully expected her to move to a care facility at some point, I often felt she'd be there to consult on who is in the picture, what is this thing, and where did this come from? Stories surround each of our belongings, though often they are only known by the owner. Some friends have begun to write short messages to leave with particular items -- something that would be very helpful should someone else be in charge of sorting and packing up a life. Mom had begun to divest herself of many things, distributing them along to people and places of significance. This is not a bad idea. Even if one were to choose to keep all the items to enjoy while there is space, having notes attached or at least in the cupboard would be super. I was able to tell others of some of the significance of seemingly mundane items -- just why they'd been kept <smile>. That has helped me somewhat. My greatest fear and pain is that the stories surrounding the items will be lost. It has taken a while to realize that new stories would become part of the object's life. It is all part of the process of letting go, I suspect.
The opening lines of a song fit the feelings of today very well -- when reality hits you in the face. It is a softer song than the feelings, for sure, but it may help one to re-centre. Enjoy!
You make it Real for Me -- James Morrison
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