My grand outing for the day involved grocery curbside pickup. At home I worked to organize household files. If I'd only do this monthly, it would be a smaller task. When left for a while it takes several hours. This makes it a prime candidate for procrastination.
My avoidance behaviours expand as anxiety grows. Anxiety grows when items I cannot control pile one on top of the other. Sleep helps reduce anxiety symptoms, but when things feel overwhelming, sleep is adversely affects. Procrastination is a symptom of being overwhelmed. Inertia rules at these times. Ignoring things that need doing usually only impacts my forward movement. Occasionally, though, this lack of action may affect the progress of others. This brings guilt that can morph into shame -- how to explain this lack of movement leads to a type of paralysis. And so the circle continues. Actually, a vortex is a better metaphor here since it is not only circular movement but another force exists that pulls one down and impedes escape -- more anxiousness and stress that enhance the inability to tackle even small tasks.
A couple of lines of lyric entered my consciousness when I actually heard the music in the background. "I'm wondering what I should do?" and "Trying to make some sense of it all, but I see it makes no sense at all." These struck me as descriptive of feeling stuck with anxiety. The full lyric speaks to something quite different, but those lines stood out for me today. Stay safe. Enjoy!
Stuck in the Middle with You -- Stealers Wheels
-- Wednesday -- weekly curbside pickup for groceries -- moved an issue up the line to someone who knows more and access needed information about the situation -- cooler rainy start to day with some sun later in the day but cooler temps remained -- another similar day or two and then heat and humidity appear poised to strike by the weekend and run for the better part of the next week in an earlier than usual heat wave
-- working on organizing household accounting information -- take longer than it should when I leave it for a few months instead of doing this each month -- more on procrastination or ignoring or avoiding things
-- did curbside pickup -- but things missing
song about procrastinating or ignoring or avoiding -- stuck in the middle with you -- cite lines about can't get up off my chair and the one prior to that line
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