It has been an overcast but seasonable warm and even a bit humid today. I didn't open windows or doors today due to the dampness in the air. It was a huge laundry day as I missed doing this last weekend. Most of the day was spent indoors with a quick refreshing walk early in the evening.
The big news of the day dealt with the graveyard behind my house. The fence was removed three weeks ago and today maple trees were being removed. All the smaller ones as well as two large ones along the property line were felled. There are still two or three others on the other side of the graveyard to be removed. I was upset when someone called them weeds <sigh> The pines and larch will remain and a new fence will be added along with lighting (which I hope will not light up my house the way the light installed next door does).
This house has been feeling less and less like home and for the first time ever in the past month, it has felt like a prison. That feeling came back again today. The trees have provided a type of comfortable seclusion. They are not all gone, but there are big open spaces in the canopy and at trunk level that provided a degree of concealment. Earlier in the confinement of the pandemic, it felt safe and cozy to be home. That changed recently. The idea of sorting through things and downsizing has returned, too. So much of that could have been done during the past 18 months, but there were so many other emotional aspects to the isolation that sorting through a lifetime of stuff just couldn't happen. The growing feeling that this place may not be 'home' anymore, begs the question -- then where will that feeling be found? Not only is there a feeling of imprisonment, there is a distinct feeling of being alone -- something that I've rarely felt as an adult. I find it intriguing that such feelings are occurring as the world is poised to open to a new way of interacting. I'm not sure I'm ready to go to larger gatherings or to eat inside a restaurant without major air circulation and hepa filters. It is a huge conundrum for certain.
Perhaps the first step is to take back my space by sorting through all the boxes and stuff that has accrued from other households over the years. I have gathered a fair amount of office things over the years, too. Much from each of these stashes can be either donated or disposed of. I had been doing at least one extra recycling bag for the pick up every other week. Then the pandemic arrived and my momentum left. A few extra bags have found their way to the curb, but not a continued process as I'd begun after retirement. I thought of a song chorus a bit differently today. I can do this for myself though I may need to find some outside support at times to keep the process moving forward. I have some connections that could help with this, I'm sure. The song involved in that thought process is shared here tonight. Keep safe. Enjoy!
Home -- Phillip Phillips
No comments:
Post a Comment