Remember as children when we were asked to clean our rooms? Just being asked made it seem a greater burden. No one is telling me to do much of the work that piles up around me. Yet, it still seems to be a huge job that I would rather avoid. Deadlines add to the stress, whether externally imposed or set by me. It seems I've become a procrastinator -- well to a greater degree than earlier in life. Perhaps I'm getting more protective of my time out of the office, especially when classes are not in session. Tasks could be done in evenings or on weekends in far less time than when grading and planning lectures usurp every available moment. If the various tasks were spread across days, then it might not become untenable when all must be done as quickly as possible -- or quicker.
Dealing with internal reticence is a challenge. The projects are not hateful, but the timing and demands bury the joy somewhere far from sight. Some time spent on external volunteer service each day when necessary, could help keep the joy visible. I fear that the past 20 years have made binge project work the norm -- do it all in a single sitting. Working to regain the balance of past work habits may take some time. Convincing the mind to deal with small steps over a longer time instead of full immersion will be tough. I want to adopt a new work style -- or one I had years ago -- so will need to find some supports to change current habits. I expect it will take some time to relearn the processes. The efforts appear worthwhile if I can continue working on 'fun' things without them becoming intrusions in my daily life.
A lyric that addresses the idea of going against the grain -- which in effect is what I'm proposing to attempt -- fits the pondering of the day. It has a folk feel to it and is quiet and thoughtful in its tone. Enjoy!
Heading South on the Great North Road -- Sting
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