Day 5 - 149 -- Finding my Voice

Yesterday, I read the most recent post of a blog I follow. The blog topic is about higher education, writing, work and life. This post struck me to the core. The beginning dealt with difficulties experienced by students trying to fit into the traditional nature of universities. It ended with something that expressed what I'd been feeling for a long time -- as an educator I've been trying to fight a global system that needs a major overhaul. Bowles went on to state that she "understood this writing as a stealing back of the self that is otherwise left hostage to the banal performativity of 'career.' Writing is the gift we give ourselves. It's the soul work of our agency, our refusal, and our choice." (Music for Deckchairs -- Writing to the dark, Kate Bowles).  Wow. Just wow.

When I began this blog, I thought I might have something to say to myself and if others found it readable, great. As it went along, I found joy putting my thoughts into words -- that exquisite creative process. A process that helps one process experiences. For me, this blog was to help me think through the daily activities and deal with the emotional detritus of the day. Of course, the centrality of music presents itself to me, adding another layer of creativity. So -- why had creativity even crossed my mind back at the beginning? Well, it seemed that the 'fun stuff', the writing I loved to do and entered academia to do more of, became buried deep beneath the hundreds of papers to grade, admin reports to write and lectures to prepare. Not that these activities didn't bring satisfaction, but the 'fun' writing seemed to move further and further out of reach. Writing here has helped me see the world differently, though there are times when it felt forced. Fun isn't generally forced <smile>. The blog referred to above did mention a connection between writing and loss of voice. That stopped me breathing with an inaudible gasp. That is exactly what I'd felt when I began writing here -- that need to reclaim something precious that was slipping from my grasp. This blog has provided a place for my voice to be written and 'heard' by me and by others who chose to 'listen'.

I'm still working through Bowles' full blog post from yesterday, one filled with many ideas to ponder separately and combined. I've shared it with other colleagues and now with you. Perhaps some conversations will struggle from within the darkness and we might find a new collective voice, as well. The song chosen for today addresses how music can speak to me and perhaps help me to use my voice. Enjoy!

I Let the Music Speak -- ABBA