Day 6 - 141 -- Revelations

I've realized a couple of things over the past day. Firstly, the work style that I've been forced to adapt over the past couple of decades in academia is very difficult to unlearn. Binge working seems the norm in that setting, but when out of it, I'd like to return to what I had before -- one that was busy, but had time for me to be me. Since retiring, I've felt that something closer to a balance would appear. Well, it isn't going to happen magically. It will take work to achieve. 

Secondly, I was reading last Friday's TGIF newsletter from Brene Brown. One line struck me at the core. "I have a duty/resentment problem that I'm trying to work on and saying no is hard." Well -- I could have written that myself. Brown is an academic, researcher, and practitioner -- I'm that last two at present. I have been working with the resentment that comes from things I think I should or have to do. I'm not sure these projects all must fit the 'have to do' category anymore. I've heard we can be our own worst task-masters, but I thought this might change a bit once retired from teaching and admin work. Yes, research could become a job to fit every waking hour. That is not my goal. I try to go to the office no more than 2 or 3 times a week and rarely am there for a full day. I can do some of the reading and writing from home, too. I do this, but again not everyday that I'm not on campus. I'm striving to find that freedom frrom 'have to do'. It is a struggle. It will alter with time. It already has. I've said 'no' more in the last 6 months than I did in the past many years. So, I am moving in the right direction. I just have to be patient and brave.

The song for today was noted in the newsletter. It was so perfect for what I've been thinking for the past week or two. Interesting. <smile>. The melody is lovely and the singer presents the powerful lyrics well. Enjoy!

Courage -- Pink