Day 6 - 331 -- Checking In

In a blog from 2016, Meg Conley noted three questions that they discussed around the dinner table each evening. I loved this approach to checking in with family. This becomes even more special when I realize that fewer and fewer families eat together each day. So -- the questions.

      1. How were you brave today?
      2. How were you kind today?
      3. How did you fail today?

Now those are challenging each in their own way. Today I am going to try to address each of these, though I've found that the lines between each are rather blurred.

Let's start with being kind. While at the hospital this morning for the annual blood work, I met my former neighbour and her niece. The neighbour moved out of the house next door to me within the past month. I was so happy to see her, I gave her a big hug. She now lives at a seniors assisted living complex. I told her their dining services were fantastic. I felt so much better seeing her and I hope I helped her somewhat, too.

So , being brave. When I walked back down the hill from the hospital, I stopped at Timmy's for a cup of tea. Fasting blood work means I miss my morning caffeine, so I decided to treat myself to a cuppa and a nosh (mixing cultural references now it seems). As I sat looking out at the rain, I was caught unawares by almost tears followed by a big smile -- all within less than a second. I chose to look more deeply into this surprising emotional mix. Happiness and delight were tempered by something more negative. Naming that emotion took time. My brain worked away at this while I was moving through the 'to do' list for the day. The result noted it feels a bit like being alone or wanting something that just isn't possible in this moment. Now, to me alone is not the same as lonely; in fact, alone can be a very positive place but it also can be something that pushes one into the abyss. So -- realizing this feeling, I tried two things that have helped in the past. This is where the failure part of the day arrived. These problem solving techniques just didn't change the feelings. Other calming strategies will be tried as the evening progresses. It is a fervent wish that one of these works.

In other failures today -- yes, I may need to be kinder to me <smile> -- As I walked down the street a block from the house, a car, a large puddle and I had an encounter. I couldn't step further away from the curb as there is a house right up to the edge of the sidewalk there. The car could have slowed, though. I recall saying something very ungracious about the driver after the waist high wave soaked the bottom of the coat and the jeans from my knees down. This has happened to me in the past without this petulant response. I recall in Saskatoon, as I waited at the corner to cross the street, there was a moderate lake growing on the roadway. I stepped a good 6 feet back from the curb only to be fully showered from head to toe by a passing motorist. It is just water after all. <smile>

While still working through this one, the chorus lyrics of a song came back to my mind. Other of these lyrics deal with loss, which is not the issue today. The chorus, though, deals with a feeling of being alone and has been whispering in my ear lately <smile>. Enjoy!

You are not Alone -- Michael Jackson