Day 4 - 149 -- Hearing but not Listening

Interesting internal conversations were going on with me today. While sorting through old files, I found myself tearing many papers in half before placing them in the recycling bag. I'm not sure there is a reason for this, other than once I've torn them it is difficult to retrieve them on that second or third or fourth thought. As I sat doing this, I'd find myself saying 'ouch' with increasing frequency. My shoulder was hurting. This is the shoulder that will have a chronic issue due to the fixation of the elbow joint two years ago last week. I kept soldiering on in spite of the rather urgent warnings my body was sending.

At one point in the process, I got up and walked down the hall to the printer. As I waited for the printing to finish, I found myself doing one of the nerve stretches that can help the shoulder pain. Then I returned to the final pile of files for sorting. When speaking to a friend on the way out at the end of the day, I realized that there are 4 other stretches that can help, two of which require me to be seated to do. The sorting activity was done while sitting. Now how easy would it have been to stretch for a minute when the shoulder started to talk to me? My focus was elsewhere and not on me. Even with very sharp reminders I didn't take the hint. Learning to listen can be difficult it seems. Just wanting the task to be over created a feeling of urgency that over-rode the need to take care of me in the process. I've tried to be more in the moment, or mindful if you will, yet something inside seems set to sacrifice me for the sake of the task at hand. Interesting.

A song title came to mind while pondering this form of self-inflicted pain. While the pain and the verbalizations that accompanied them should have been enough to catch my attention, they weren't. The need to listen is noted well in the lyrics of this song. Enjoy!

Listen to the Music -- The Doobie Brothers