It has been a day with many small unrelated things to do. It feels like nothing is being accomplished when only tiny points of several larger items are being addressed -- like nothing is really moving forward. Now the small bits are steps in the larger processes, but the satisfaction in completing these is missing today. I flit from one thing to another with no concerted focus. Again, I understand the need to do small tasks to keep larger projects afloat, it is just that today seems less positive as I do small stuff. Feeling a bit yucky today doesn't helpmotivate me, either.
Perhaps a day like today appears to have no clear path. None of the tasks to do today have anything to do with each other. There is no what to do first or any logic to how to approach the list. Larger projects can make me feel lost, too. When it is a huge endearvor, I find myself paralyzed by not knowing where to begin. There are many sequential steps but the smaller tasks within each step seem jumbled together and finding a start point seems impossible. So, shoving that aside and trying to find focus in other things often happens. This defines avoidance <smile>. I can do other things that clearly need to be done as I ignore the elephant in the room, but at night the 'elephant' invades my sleep. So, today I realized that with many small items I'm not motivated to put in the effort, but usually I'm avoiding larger things because of not knowing which small thing should be used to begin. Is this some classic 3-year-old "I don't want to" happening? Do I feel like my own suggested start points are like someone else telling me what to do? (remember I'm a non-conformist <grin>) Or is there something deeper at play with certain projects? All of these will affect my ability to engage in the big thing, which in turn can impact any other project. Hmmm Lots here to unpack for sure.
I heard a song while at a local business yesterday. I keep hearing the title line in my head -- an unexpected ear worm. It describes how I've felt over the past while -- no clear path. Keep safe. Enjoy!
Every Day is a Winding Road -- Sheryl Crow
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